what should i do??

[lynneylou]

Hi there, calling all parents with teenage girls!!

A couple of weeks ago I read the inbox on my 13 yr old daughter's mobi, only to find messages that totally shocked me. They are from a boy in year 11 who she talks about often, but has said that she doesnt fancy. The messages included 'what would you do to me, i'd lick you' and 'are you excited about what we could do?'

I have spoken to my daughter about reading her phone and about hormones, reputation etc and she has begun to leave her phone at home now instead of taking it to school in case I look again!

Today, I read it again, and the messages are still going on, such things as 'this shower is steamy, it needs someone else in it' and although she deletes the messages she has sent him, by his answers I can assume her texts to him, including the underwear she is supposedly wearing, but infact she doesnt own????

Do I challenge her again, ignore and hope its a fantasy/phase that she'll grow out of???

Help!!!

[888sally888]

Year 11 - he must be about 16 then? I have 2 teenagers - 16 and 14. I have tried to think what i would do. She obviously doesnt really mind if you find her phone and read the messges or she would guard it with her life. Maybe she WANTS you to find it and intervene. Maybe she is caught in something she wants to get out of.

I think I would sit her down calmly and talk to her about love/relationships/sex. Try to get her to see that sex is about feelings - not just the physical side. Its obviously an unreal relationship and i suppose this lad shows all the texts to his mates like he is some kind of stud. A last resort would be to speak to him/his parents and remind them that she is underage. Do you have a partner and what does he think. (My husband - my daughters step dad - would probably go round and break his legs - so consider this!!!!!!!!)

You know that this texting is wrong at her age - let me know what you decide and what happens. Sal x

[lynneylou]

thanks sal, my daughters step dad didnt get involved last time only because my daughter said to me 'dont you dare tell dad!!' and although of course, i did tell him, he let me handle it. ive vert recently spoke to her about sex, feelings etc, if i bring it up again so soon i think she'll twig that ive looked again!!!!

[888sally888]

I still think she meant you to 'find' it. My daughters never leave their phones around cos they know i would probably read them to check they're ok!!

If she knows you looked before and were shocked, surely she wouldnt leave it around again.

I had another thought - you could say you would love to meet this friend - ask her to invite him for tea?!!!!!!!!

[saxy_jag]

If you know who this boy is, might it be worth having a discreet word with the school?

[ganesh]

Having older boyfriends is fine,and your daughter is going to get sexually active if she wants to whether you oppose it or not.BUT..
I would show your disapproval even if sexy 'talk 'isn't always sexy 'action.'
I would point out that she is under-age and that this 16 year old boy could be in serious trouble if he carries on like that.
I would tell her not to text him again and that if you find out that he is texting her or meeting up with her you will text him back(I presume you know his number) and warn him to stay away.I am assuming that he knows how old she is.
We all know that boys need little encouragement and 13 year old girls can be very forward these days,but I think you need to be angry about this.
I know you have 'snooped' a bit and betrayed her trust a bit but that's done now,and you could point out that you want to be able to trust her but she has let YOU down.
And I agree it's nothing to do with the school,this is Mother and Daughter stuff! Don't ignore it,it won't stop by itself.
Good luck.

[thingummyjig]

hi, I too have recently had the same problem, my daughter is 14. I found picture texts of a 16ish year old lad just showered, obviously taken by himself. They asked for my daughter to send him some more pix! Very shocking! I too spoke to my daughter but also discussed the possibility of these pix and texts falling into the wrong hands, wether its his intention or not. I said that, like me, his mum may read his texts, or how he could pass these txts round college etc and how gossip can so easily be spread, Maybe you could explain this to your daughter, it would be easy for her to get a bad reputation without ever having done anything wrong, only sending texts!The poor innocent fools see no wrong in their fun do they? lol Hope this is helpful, and doesnt come across as preaching! Good luck and chin up!

[lynneylou]

thankyou for all replies. every now and then i reiterate about the fact that this boy may show txts to mates etc. she now hides her mobi in her bed whilst she's at school. i have threatened to phone him myself etc if i get a feeling something is going on.

[suzi-q]

I have been on the other side of this problem. I found out my 16 yr old son was sending these types of messages and photos of himself to girls. I was very upset about it and after several warnings it still went on so we took the computer away from him. It seems as though they all seem to encourage one another. I thought it was just my son but it seems that it is a widespread thing. I guess if the parents of these boys knew what they were up to they would hopefully take some action and stop them. But the girls should also not encourage the lads.

[benjiesmum]

I don't think you should have read her mobile phone messages. How would you feel if she read yours? Her privacy has been invaded and you should not be surprised if she clams up completely because of this. Yes, I suppose the messages are inappropriate for her age but as a teacher I get quite cross that parents give in to their children having mobile phones in the first place. If she didn't have it she wouldn't have been texting.
Failing that send the raunchy Year 11 a text saying you'll show them to his mum!