What would you do if your husband got another girl pregnant?

[angel-cake]

My friend's husband has been having an affair for about six months apparently. The other girl is now 3 months pregnant. He has just told my friend this. She wants to stay with him but i think she is being silly. I know it's her choice, but what would you do in this situation?

[ummmm1]

kill him

[benchmark]

put chilli under his foreskin

[ilovemarkb]

once a cheat. always a cheat! dump him!!!

[raysparx1]

Speaking from a blokes point of view, I think he needs a good slap, nobody should behave like this, he is a waste of space, he won't change, and if she is sticking with him why should he, he has the best of both worlds, what a turd !!!

[B00]

Well, i wouldn't say that once a cheater always a cheater, some people do learn from the godawful mistakes they make ya know.

Not sure how I'd react in your friends situation, it's one helluva decision she has to make!

How proactive in the babies ubringing does he want to be?

If she loves him- she will more than likely stay with him, and woe betide anyone(including you!) who tries to talk her out of it.

The only thing you can do is be the shoulder for her to cry on- she's gonna need it.

Good luck.

[BBWCHATT]

As Dr. Phil McGraw says:

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

[jake-the-peg]

I don't think you've given enough information for people to make an informed decision and you've got a lot of predictable responses - you influenced it of course by saying what you thought so maybe you were actually looking for people to bolster your opinion(?). Certainly people are less likely to post disagreements when you do this.

Firstly infidelity is a lot more common than many people realise. Some estimates have 60% of men and 40% of women are unfaithfull. A lot of people manage to salvage marriages rather than just giving up and are glad they did.

There's also a big difference between a marriage that's been going for 6 months and one that's been going for 15 years with a number of children - it's a matter of what is already 'invested'. I'm guessing that she has one or two children possibly under 5 as statistically this is when men are most likely to be unfaithfull.

Especially if your friend does have children with her husband then her decision is one that's a lot more difficult given that it affects their future too.

On the other hand the fact that her husband will now presumably have a child by this other women will make it much harder for them to save their marriage as there will always be a living reminder and possibly a financial concequence?

In terms of whether her husband will be unfaithful again that's more difficult than the rather simplistic TV chat show "once a cheater always a cheater" line. Some people make mistakes in all walks of life and never repeat them, others do time and time again.

[jake-the-peg]

I gave up alcohol for 10 months and then thought I could handle it - I couldn't. 2 years later I gave up again and have been dry for 6 years.

So personally I'd suggest that if someone strays from something or someone once then they may never do so again but if they repeat the error they're much more likely to continue to do so.

A hard decision and I certainly wouldn't dismiss her decision as "silly" but it's going to take a lot of courage and strength on her part - I'd avoid ofeering unsolicited advice and give her your support in whatever decision she makes

[Katie~77]

I would pack his things up for him and wave him goodbye! I would probably buy him a "good luck" card and a pair of baby booties, just to rub salt into the wounds!x

[TopCat1]

I think it would be harder to forgive or justify because the affair went on for six months. A one night stand, might be seen as a really bad mistake (although I personally could never forgive this), but I think 6 months is thought out deception.

But then again, it is your friends life and decision, and I think all you can do is be there for her whatever she decides and whatever the consquences come out of it.

I had to sit and watch my sister take back her husband (although then, he was her fiance) after he had a four year affair with a girl. My sister had a son to him, then when my sister got pregnant with her second child, the split up for a week, in which he had a one night stand with the other lady again, and she in turn became pregnant. My sister STILL took him back. All we could do as a family was stand by her. They appear to be happy now, 5 years later, but its her life.

Sorry for the ramble.

[angel-cake]

Jake - i dont think i influenced answers at all. I think most people on here have their own opinions and are willing to give them, usually more so to disagree with someone in my experience on here!

I didnt go into loads of detail coz i didnt want to bore people, but as you ask.... my friend is 29, her husband is 32. married for 3 years, together for 9, no children and she says they were not really planning children for a couple of years. So this other girls baby will be his first child.

[jake-the-peg]

Whether or not you intend to, you'll always influence the answers you get to any question if you tell people what your own opinion is.

Given the fact that she has no family with him though I think she'd have to be quite a remarkable person to make the marriage work with a constant reminder hanging about.

But if you spend the time now telling her why she should leave him and against the odds she does make it work, she won't thank you for it will she?

I'd still not offer advice unless she asks for it and be there for her if I were you

[raysparx1]

Didn't influence me I have my my own brain and my own opinions, I have never cheated on my wife and never would, and I have no time for blokes that do, do you think you are the only one on here with a brain jake ?