Does anyone ever find a relationship better than the first love?

[Pinky99]

My question is because I remember my first love and I haven't 'yet' found anyone to make me feel like that. Is it possible? My 1st (real) love was at 17 and I am now 29 yet I have always been the one to finish a relationship because I haven't felt that special something - I wonder if I should just settle or if there will be someone out there!! To clarify though my first real relationship resulted in a child - where he wanted me to keep him yet he left me when I was 7 months gone and has never kept in touch. Now I must clarify I am over this as the child is 10 and I have had relationships since but I wonder if I am looking for something impossible to get those butterflys when I meet someone. Has anyone any comforting advice for me??? I feel like I might be alone forever!! Or maybe I should settle for the comfortable option - which I don't think is fair on me or the bloke?

[raysparx1]

I think you are dreaming a little of what might have been and it builds up in your head to be a bigger thing than it might have been,and the child is a constant reminder as well, having said that though,your first love is so special,you get over it but you never forget it, I am still in touch with my first love and she will always have a special place in my heart, but it did not work, I am married and have been for 35 ears and the lady I married is fantastic and we are so happy and I would not change a single thing, if I had married the first love,I don't think it would have worked anyway,so I have no regrets, there is someone else for you and it probably will happen,but when and how that happens, who can say, but never give up he might live round the corner, good luck pinky, Ray x

Don't settle for comfortable, as you say not fair on either of you.

[makemesmile]

Yes - the relationship I have with my husband is much better than my first love.

Like raysparx1, my first will always be remembered fondly, but I ended that relationship, and for a very good reason.

Whilst you probably feel you're over the trauma of being left at such an important time in your life (7 months pregnant), I think you are looking back thru rose tinted glasses.

There is someone out there for you, you just have to put your first fella well and truly behind you. Not easy when you've a lovely child to constantly remind you.

You'll get there, just let go and let it happen

Good luck : )

[spudqueen]

I always remember my Aunt telling me that there would be three fellas out there, one I could marry, one I would like to marry and the one I would eventually marry. She was absolutely spot on, and the best relationship I've ever had is with my husband. We've been married nearly 17 years now and I love him as much now, if not more, than when we married.
Another piece of advice someone once gave me was when considering whether to get married or not don't ask yourself the question 'could I spend the rest of my life with this person', instead ask yourself ' could I spend the rest of my life WITHOUT this person'. Only if the answer to the last question is NO then do you marry.
Keep the faith, there is someone for you out there, but don't compare them to someone who didn't love you unconditionally.

[andy-hughes]

Can only agree with the answers given.

Your first love is a very special experience, and never forgotten, My first love broke my heart over thirty years ago, and if I saw her in the street, I would cross over. But, I loved her very intensely and very deeply, but I know mariage would not have worked for us.

Never ever settle for 'comfortable' in any area of your life. You owe it to yourslef to find the best person for you - but you owe it to him not to measure him against a romantic ideal which he cannot possible match - because deep down you don;t want him to.

Your love, when you find him - will have aspects of your first love, but a load of faults and failings as well, because that is what makes us human, but remember, your love will be there - your first love wasn't, and won't be.

Don't spend your life pining for a dream - and that is what this now is - be open to someone else who may love you even more, and whom you may love in the real world, not the neubulous world of 'what if' that your first love inhabits.

Never forget - but don't try to remember to hard either ...

[raysparx1]

andy, I would just like to say you havea great way with words, and I envy the way you put them together,what you have said is so true.

[andy-hughes]

Thank you raysparx, very mind of you to say so.

Apologies for the typos and spellings, I only had a minute to bang my opnion down, so it was a bit too fast to type properly!

[Pinky99]

Thank all of you who have answered my post all of which have given me hope for the future. I must say I am not looking to find what I had before but hope to meet someone new who will make me feel better - and some posts have made me feel tearful in a good way... on a positive note the baby I have referred to has gone for a scholarship at a local independant school - took the exam and been asked for an interview so fingers crossed he's got in!!

[Pinky99]

Also Andy Hughes - that is fab advise because I always thought it was unfair on the bloke in question if although they told me they loved me to carry on only because I thought they were the comfy option - thats why I finished with them. : (

[andy-hughes]

Glad to help Pinky.

I didn;t even date for two years after my first love, but I loved on, dated people again, and have been married for over twenty years, so I do know of which i speak.

It's hard to get past this experience, but it will make you stronger. Take comfort from the thought that no matter what happens, no-one will ever hurt you that much in that way ever again.

A x

[andy-hughes]

Sorry - I meant MOVED on - some typos make me look really stupid!!!

[Pinky99]

andy-hughes - to be fair either way you said it that was fine - thank you for your down to earth advice : ) especially for all of you putting up with me having a bit of a wobbly moment where normally I am just getting on with it!!!