moving on

[joshieboyo]

my wife died nearly two years ago now, I class myself as an independent person and can manage most things on my own, but more so now than before I find myself missing her terribly, we were together for nearly 50 years and when she first passed I was lost without her, but as with most things, you move on, you never forget but you learn to remember the good times without feeling the pain. The past few weeks I have found myself to start getting upset when I think of her and they way we were? Why is this? I thought I had gone through that phrase already but it springs up on me when I least expect it

[4getmenot]

as you said yourself you never forget. I cant say much as I have never lost anyone on that level. The closest I've lost is my nan. But even though that was 3 years since she passed away everynow and then something reminds me of her and I miss her so much. I dont know how I can help because surely this is a nice thing that you can remember the good times.

[johnlambert]

joshie,
there is not time limit on grief so please dont think that after 2 years you can totaly move on.
Apart from losing mates in the forces, I've never experienced the deep sorrow you are now having so I cant empithise with you.
Your GP can refer you to a grief counsellor if that helps
God Bless

[Pippa68]

Two years is still a very short time ~ I can't imagine ever 'getting over' Mr Pippa passing on...

Everyone copes with bereavement in different ways. There are also different stages of grief which some professionals say you have to go through in order to move on. However, I don't see why you shouldn't get upset every once in a while ~ no matter how long it has been since you lost your wife. Coping with the 'normal' things can be very easy..you can cook, clean, do the washing etc etc but you have lost your companion, and that hasn't been replaced. It must be incredibly hard for you.

If you find it gets harder to cope with your emotions, could you try bereavement counselling? my mother has found it very helpful contacting CRUSE ~ her daughter (my sister) died at 12 hours old 41 years ago and although she thought she had got over it, several years ago she thought she was having a breakdown from a 'delayed grief'.

http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

You may find this isn't for you at all, but give it a go and see.
My best wishes are with you x

[boro1986]

Joshieboyo i sympathise. You will never stop missing her you were together for so long. Remember the good times as im sure they are plenty of them. I know you may sit at home alone and you will miss her so much. Is there no activities/clubs you could join

[joshieboyo]

thank you to you both. i don't feel depressed as such, but i will be sitting at home and the slightest thing will remind me of her and i get the same feelings now that i was getting 2 years ago, it is noce though that i can think of the wonderful years we had together and feel proud that she was my wife.

[wigglebum]

The old cliche of time is a healer is soo true.
I lost my father about 3 years ago now and recently I've been having dreams about him so when I wake up I feel he's still with us but then the realization kicks in and the hurt starts all over again. Thinking of the good times is the best. Just because she's passed physically in your mind she will never die. You will learn in your own time so take as long as you need and don't push yourself to get over her. You sound very strong and you will be fine xx

[joshieboyo]

thank you all, you are all very kind. i dont think the counciling is for me but thank you anyway. like you have all said, these thing take time :) thank you

[crete]

i think the fact your memories of you wife are positive and is only normal that you still miss her,

[joshieboyo]

we had out bad times, who hasn't hd bad times, but when those close to you are no longer here, you seem to forget any bad words that were spoken between you and relive the goof moments in your head over and over again. i have seen many friends pass on over the years but the pain of losing your second half will always be there i think.

[tradey]

i really feel for you,its hard and people say it gets better well i think it gets better to deal with,but it never gets easier. my mum lost my dad 10yrs on feb 3rd she was married to him for 30yrs,he died at the age of 46,my mum still finds it hard,shes got a new fella but says he will never repace my dad.you have your ups and downs,you could be watching something then that sets you off crying,youll be fine,shell be up there watching you and missing you just as much take care xxx

[wigglebum]

Defo the pain will be stronger because thats the person you choose and who chooses you to love them. You're partner is your world and I would be lost without Mr Wigglebum!!

[bounceagain]

Do you think joining a club as mentioned above, but something that your partner and you did, like dancing or walking? So it feels like you are still apart of them. Hope it helps. Take care x

[Englishbird]

I am very sorry for your pain.

The way I see it with any recovery has 'after shocks' after the big earthquake.

The big earthquake happens and turns your world upside down. Then it settles and you think you're going to be ok. Then the aftershock comes and you are terrified that it's going to be as bad as the first time, but it isn't, and in time it will pass.

There may be a number of aftershocks, and some might knock you off your feet, some may be more mild. They will pass and you will carry on remembering your cherrished wife and living the rest of your life how you've lived your life so far ... the best way you know how.

I wish you all the luck in the world. x x

[Carakeel]

joshieboyo, how wonderful that you were together fro such a very long time. In today's world sadly not many marriages last. You must both be very special. I say 'be' because your wife is still with you in your heart. It is hard for people who have never lost someone so close to understand that missing those we love never really goes away. I lost my son Kevin to brain cancer just three days before his 21st birthday nearly 17 years ago. I still find that little things can make me feel so lost without my son, with whom I was so close. My partner, who sadly never knew Kevin, occasionally shares this sadness with me, gently comforting me, while I talk my way through the tears. We, as a family, talk openly about Kevin and laugh a lot with him still. So please rest assured, what you are going through is perfectly normal and something that we all just have to get used to as time moves on. We cherish the wonderful and beautiful memories and hence we will also always miss them. Just remember to keep smiling and laughing with her in your heart, because she will always be there. My best wishes to you. :o)

[raysparx1]

Hi Joshieboyo,
Sorry to hear of your loss, 50 years is one hell of a long time, you are bound to have these phases of feeling ok for a while then feeling the loss again, after all part of you has gone, times as you know is a great healer, but when an old wound opens it sometimes hurts more, shock and a numbness gets you through first of all,but the realisation that she has gone and won't be coming back hits you at the most unexpected time, but you have some lovely memories,and they will never fade, I hope the pain starts to fade soon but as has been said there isn't a set time for this, but whenever you feel the need, somebody on here will respond to you, wish you good health, and enjoy yout time on this site, take care, Ray

joshie, I presume you are welsh ? if so from where ? I am in the North, Dim siarad y cymraeg, Y dippyn bach

[idalovett]

You never forget a person. They may have left you but they become a part of your past and they are now a part of your future. Because they are not in your life means that you learn to exist in a different way, but there are times (silly inconsequential times) when you think about them or they plonk themselves in your mind. There's nothing wrong in that and at silly daft times they come back in your memory and upset you and that is a part of your grieving process. You need to talk it out with someone (ideally a friend) who will just listen and in talking it out you will find your own balance. It takes time for any individual, and everyone has their own time limit. Its a stage of bereavement that you have but it will get easier.