Dont know what else to do

[kevshakry]

my boyfriend/daughter's father is afraid to see a doctor despite my plea to him. Two weeks ago i had to call the ambulance as he could not get a breath in nor out and he taken to hospital. He complains of chest pain, he coughs up blood. Got some medication and seem ok. Now the pain is back and he is now passing blood in his urine and is afraid to go to the doc. i rang up his sister and she pleaded with him and he called me n curse me that i shouldnt tell her. i know something is wrong but he says he aint going to no doctor it will soon be ok. it worries me. What else can i do i dont want him to die on me

[sarnieken]

It sounds like you need to instigate some tough love on him. He's a father so he has a moral obligation to ensure he is around to see his Daughter grow up.
Of course he is scared, I am having an endoscopy in February for a suspected ulcer and I'm terrified but it needs to be done.
He has to realise that any form of blood coming out of any orifice isn't healthy. The fact that it has come back and is now worse should be a signal to him that it hasn't cleared up and will only get worse.
One way you may be able to 'educate' him is to check for symptoms on-line via the www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk website and show him what it might be. That way you can present him with some facts from people who know.
Also, try to find out why he doesn't want to go to the doc. Perhaps a relative died when they went (my dad died in hospital of cancer) and that is putting them off. Tell him that there have been huge advances in medical science and that the only thing that he has to worry about, the only thing that is certain is that there is something wrong and that it most certainly can be fixed if he acts now. The fact that it required treatment before should be testimony to that.
Good luck, I hope he sees sense soon.
K

[kevshakry]

i showed him a website last night on blood in urine. his mom died of cancer and his sis was found dead in her apartment - diabetic so she went in a coma. he often says he will die like his sis. he is so stubborn with his health. i cant give up though - im so sorry for him. he puts his career before his health. i do hope your tests goes well. will pray for u as im doing for him.

[sarnieken]

Thank you, that is appreciated.
I know exactly where he is coming from.
Everyone on my father's side of the family died of cancer so every health scare is instantly cancer, regardless of what it really is.

He is scared, pure and simple.
I used to put my career first until it resulted in a ruined relationship and me being tested for a stomach ulcer at the age of 29. Money isn't important, work isn't important, life is.

K

[kevshakry]

its not good. im having a sixth sense about all this. he is 42 and he smokes terrible even though of late i see him cooling down. my baby is just 11 months old so u see where im coming from. Baby n i going holidays in a couple of days and i know it will be worse.

i will speak again with him tonight and bawl if i have to

[sarnieken]

In which case, give him a good slapping. :).
If he has learnt anything from his mother and sister then it is surely that he has to do everything possible to lengthen the time he has.
I would ask him what he expects you and your daughter to do if he won't get anything done and it doesn't go away.
Guilt is a powerful thing.
k

[lafrancaise]

Hey, this might be nothing to get bothered about tell him. There are loads of medical problems people had years ago which can be cleared quite easily. This includes cancer. By hanging back, the cancer or any illness can spread so it's duty to ourselves and loved ones we go and check it out.
I know lots of stubborn people who boast hating tablets, doctors, hospitals etc but every day progress is being made; proof is we're living longer.
To shake anyone up; telling them 'we need you' is one of the best...
Good luck, life is worth living!