ADVICE - I messed up

[kdawg]

I've been in a 4 year relationship, my first, which has been long distance for the past 8 months. Its been emotionally tough to make it work but I love her immensely. I'm 30 and she is 24. With the long-distance I've been wanting to plan our future; marriage , kids etc. But my girlfriend doesn't want to be pressurized into commitment, which after 4 years i think should be an easy thing to do. Also her mother died very suddenly and she is having a difficult time dealing with the loss. This has made the distance all the harder and recently I've been feeling that maybe she isn't for me, but when i think of splitting up i just couldn't do it. And so last night I was out and met up with a very old friend. We had a lot of drink and I ended up spendin the night with her. I feel like a dog and rightly so. I'd be gutted if my girlfriend did this to me. I don't know what to do . I don't want to lose her but cannot bring myself to tell her as it would destroy her.

[China Doll]

This night sound horribly dishonest but why tell her? If it's to allay yout feelings of guilt then I'd keep it to yourself and live with it. You don't want to rip her apart and it doesn't sound like you'll ever do it again. Put it down to experience and move on. Yeah, you may feel like a complete sh1t but is it worth ruining your relationship for?

On a different note, has your girlfriend tried contacting CRUISE? They're a berevement support line and if she's ready it may really bennefit her.

As far as the long distance thing goes, is ther any chance you could move closer? Maybe set yourself an internal time limit. If you want to start planning your future, talk to the girlfriend and say that for such and such a time you won't mention it but after that time is up it has to be discussed fully and openly.

I hope it all works out for you. xx

[raysparx1]

China is right, learn from it, as you say if you tell her,it will hurt her deeply, you feel bad, just move on from it now,and NEVER do it again,we all make mistakes, it is only bad if we don't learn from them,

She needs to talk about her mum, wether that be you or a counsellor,she must not bottle it up,

I don't see the distance between you as a problem don't make it one, if you want to be nearer, move nearer, love will find a way, take care, and good luck, Ray

[raysparx1]

Forgot to say Hello to China,

HELLO CHINA XXX

[crete]

what you did was very naughty.

[sophie_1003]

Tell her, OK so it might hurt her feelings now but if in years to come she found out she'd have been cheated on twice...once when you actually did it and once when you purposefully hid the fact of what you'd done from her. If you want things to work out, especially long distance you have to be honest, take a while to go and see her so you can tell her face to face, if she can see the relationship leading to marriage and kids she'll hopefully be willing to work on it and if she says she never wants to see you again let her have a couple of weeks then try and get her back...if that doesn't work then you'll probably have to move on! Hope it goes OK whatever you decide to do.

[China Doll]

Hello Raymundo! xxx

[claireyfairy]

Don't tell her, or anyone else for that matter. the fewer people that know the better so that she will not find out and be devastated.
If u truely beleive that the night was a mistake and that u will never do it again then really don't tell her. You have already betrayed her, you don't need to devastate her aswel.

[myishealuvs?]

i agree with sophie im in a long disyance relationship now to. and wen my grandma got real sick and in the hospital. No he wasn't there but i was on the phone with him and he was there to confort me. Since it is a long distance relationship you shouldn't keep it from her. If you feel the way you say you do you wouldn't even want to lie to her. She will be hurt but thats life.

I hope you work it out.
GOOD LUCK!!

[Random_hero]

heya. i recon u gotta think about the age gap when it comes to kids. ur older and perhaps are slightly more desperate to want kids. as for the cheating business, dont tell her. i told mine when we were dating and it ripped her apart. all i can say is learn by what you did and just dont let it happen again if you can help it. if you think your gonna do something, speak with your partner and let her know. be careful how you tell her! im rubbish at wording things so it tends to come out wrong and you can dig a seriously big hole if you dont b careful.