Friends?

[jk30]

I have two female friends who I've known for 15+ years. Most of this time they've been living in London. I've often visited them, staying weekends and always been told I'm very welcome. These visits were quite frequent last year sometimes consecutive weekends. When I stay with them the amount spent on food and alcohol for the weekend is always split between whoever happens to be there at that time. However over the New Year myself and a couple of other friends from back home stayed at theirs for about four days as one of the London girls had their birthday in that period. All the food and alcohol was split as usual. However we were also asked for contributions towards loo roll. My question is, is this one step too far? Whenever they've stayed with me I've never 'charged' them for their stay and always treated them as guests cooking and providing food for them. Not that they visit much. In one house I lived in for 18 months they never visited once. If they've needed anything fixed or any other help around the flat we've always helped them out. Also two years ago my girlfriend and I stayed with them at New Year and were presented with a 'bill' for our stay which included an amount for alcohol even though I brought my own Jack Daniels with me as they were all drinking wine. Am I being funny about this? Surely if you go to stay with friends you're a guest and I'm not saying I shouldn't contribute anything but loo roll? Where do you draw the line? Do you charge for electricity??

[unruliejulie]

jk, personally i wouldnt dream of charging my friends to stay nor for any food they eat of drink they have. We always buy friends meals if the visit us, either a take away or a home cooked meal, and recently we had friends staying for the weekend and they didnt have to buy one thing. In my opinion, they are being incredibly mean and i wouldnt ask my friends over if i couldnt afford to pay for them to be there. I think i would be inclined to decline any offers to stay with them in future because i would feel like im being a financial burden on them and that would make me uncomfortable. I would just like to add that i would always offer to pay my way, be it with drink or food but i would not expect to pay for bloomin toilet roll! that is a step too far.

[natalie_1982]

I'm with Julie on this one. I have never been expected to pay (although I have offered) and have never expected others to pay when visitng friends or they are visiting us. Perhaps next time you should take a couple of toilet rolls with you, along with bottled water (to clean your teeth / bathe) and light bulbs just in case they ask for donations for that aswell. In all seriousness, is it somehing you could raise with them? It does seem a bit unfair, particularly that you are rarely given the opportunity to show them how it "should" be done or how you would do it i.e. treating them like guests not lodgers. Are they particularly hard up for any reason (students, etc)?

[boro1986]

jk30 i think you should find new friends. I would never dream of charging anyone for staying/having a drink/party at their house just hope the favour was repaid at their house at some time. This is so petty are they so poor they cannot afford to treat a mate to a bit of hospitality they are happy to see

[mosesg]

I think they are mean!!!, you would offer to give them money if you knew they were on a tight budget

I once stayed with a friend for a week when she was a student and offered to pay my way and she refused so I paid for shopping when we went to the supermarket, despite objections

[curlyperm]

i agree with boro...............change your friends, and write to them explaining WHY, on a loo roll! heheheheh

[vehelpfulguy]

But you do say that you visit them a lot, and they rarely visit you.

Maybe they feel you should pay a little towards your stay as it is fairly frequent, maybe they think you are taking advantage.

Lets face it, while you are there you are probably using some of their belongings (loo roll, tomato ketchup, heating, lighting, telephone, hot water, towels, that sort of thing) and it all mounts up.

Maybe take a food and goodie hamper next time you visit (with some loo roll in it) that would be a nice gesture.

[Aprilis]

If people I thought were friends treated me that way I would certainly not think of them as friends any longer. I am always happy to pay my way or contribute but charging you for every little thing? That is just plain rude! Maybe I am a bit paranoid but I would feel like they were trying to make me feel uncomfortable in the hope I wouldn't want to keep going back there. Even if I thought it was only a possibility it would put me off ever staying there again. Making a contribution is one thing but billing you for toilet roll? Unbelievable! What next....sending you a tariff?