Beer Goggles formula

[AB Asks]

Ever wondered why that person who you find hugely unattractive at the beginning of a night out seems to have become strangely beautiful after a few stiff drinks? Well a professor of clinical optometry at Manchester University has come up with a formula to help you decide the extent of your 'beer goggles'. Factors taken into consideration include alcohol consumed, smokiness of room, distance from person, eyesight and lighting. Do you think that this sort of research is useful? Or should university professors concentrate on researching more pressing issues?

[lizzierose]

have heard off academics on the badscience.net that no actual research goes into these at all. companies approach people with qualifications often with most of the formula already written, perhaps suggesting what factors they want invovled eg. smokiness of room etc. and all they want from the academic is for it to be rearranged into a believable format and have their good name attached to it. If you think about it hard enough its obviously a load of tosh. for example what units are such answers measured in? and how on earth does that relate to the units of the formula? and how do you measure 'smokiness'

[bunny29]

I don't know about you, but I am not so great at doing equations when I'm drunk!

[kwicky]

It's Gods way of making sure the ugly are not left on the shelf.

[Marvelman]

What a load of rubbish, when i was young ,after a few pints and a few whiskeys, all women were beautiful, if i could pull one it didnt mater what she looked like, as long as she fancied me and i fancied her, if thats how they spend tax payers money its a disgrace.

[steviep165]

the clinical trials to prove or disprove the hypothesis would have been a laugh to watch though.
what did they do? lock a hundered blokes up with a hundered dodgy bewers and a case of stella each and see what happened?

[Octavius]

Sorry to contradict your post AB, but the professor in question was found to be the Director of Eurolens Research, a �research and consultancy unit for the global contact lens industry� and one of their major corporate sponsors are Bausch & Lomb.

This is not research, just a lame attempt at cheap thrills marketing. Basing some vague evidence of investigation on a much recognised colloquial term such as �beer goggles� or �binge drinking� as research at this level is, fortunately, not detracting this imbecile from cutting a swathe through the mountains of genuine research being carried out for the benefit of society as a whole. This professor is far too busy greasing his palms with the coffers of the manufacturers he tries to promote.

Anyone who has had a glance at the �mathematical formula� will know that it is complete bunkum, and most humans should at least be credited with some nous rather than allow themselves to be brainwashed neanderthals.

The beer goggle effect is down to visual acuity � if you like what you see�..

[partyanimal]

>
>MYSTERY BUS.
>The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet
>after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the
>pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
>
>MYSTERY TAXI.
>The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake
>up,
>whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed
>instead.

[angeldraws]

I think explains it all really:-
The Beer Scooter
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house. The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter.

The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion:-
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer Scooter.
The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the second questions after a night out, 'How did I spend so much money?'

Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), such as skinned knees and a sore spot on the top of your head.

An undocumented feature of the Beer Scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.

This answers a third question after a night out 'What the hell happened?'

[angeldraws]

Cont'd

With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments In Time) add-on, that automatically removes, in descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite often lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.

For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some Scooters is the TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.

[gina32]

like the saying goes, ive never been to bed with an ugly person but ive woken up with a few!