Gods Will?

[Imzadi]

i am not religious but my partner is. she does not doubt her faith and believes things happen for a reason, but there is a question she dares not ask , and i have no answers for. the problem is we've been trying for a baby for 5 years, we've even tried fertility medicine to induce ovulation without success. my partner on the exterior seems to cope well with the disappointment,but i know her too well and can see her pain when someone else is pregnant or has a baby. she wonders why god blesses those who have no desire for a baby and terminate the pregnancy, or people who are drug dependant and unable to care for a child. it doesnt help that she is a health professional and sees this happening all the time. if anything, i feel unable to offer words of comfort or an explanation, how can i help her?i would appreciate any comments or advice, thanks

[Lonnie]

Hi Imzadi,
I don't think anyone can answer you question, and no-one should knock her faith, if anything, her faith should pull her through,

I feel for her, because having a child, especially if its wanted, makes a woman feel complete.

Just a thought, but have you tried adopting?, I mention this, because quite often, a couple who have found it almost impossible to concieve, have adopted, and then the woman has fallen pregnant.

I wish both you and your partner all the best in your efforts.

[Theland]

Hello Imzadi - I sympathise with you and your partners situation, as I know, that although I and my wife have been blessed with children, there are people close to me who are not, and I see first hand what it is like for them.
There are two issues here. First there is the ongoing quest for a medically assisted solution, but I'm sure you have both explored this, however, it is an ongoing quest.
Secondly, your wifes' faith may enable her to see her situation as a challenge to her faith, where, denied for the moment, the opportunity of motherhood, she can ask for the grace to strengthen her in this ordeal, and know, that whatever her situation, she is in Gods will, and can know the peace of mind that comes with this realisation.
Honestly, these are not weasel words from some religious nutter, out of touch with reality. I know God can give us the grace to face up to any situation. (continued)

[Theland]

(continued) ...
It is when we stop fighting emotionally with God, and humbly accept whatever situation we find ourselves in, as His will for us, and pray, then we can experience a victory over despair.
Who knows? Miracles happen, and a medical breakthrough leading to conception, is no less a miracle, than a sudden conception without any medical intervention.
I believe prayer works, and praying to a loving God who only wants what is best for us, is what I would recommend.
Maybe, just maybe, God wants you to share your partners faith? Try it. Investigate it.
Please post again on this site, and talk some more.
I, for one, will certainly remember you and your partner in my prayers. May God bless you both.

[Fingerprint]

Imzadi, from a Christian perspective on your situation I think that you have to consider that the things we desire most, or the things that are the most comfortable for us are not always the things that are ultimately the best for us.

For example a child may ask his Father for fire because he likes the bright colours and patterns, but the Father will not give the child something that may harm them. It could be that God wants you to wait in order that you appreciate the gift of having a child all the more when it arrives, we don't see the big picture the way God does and have to put our faith in the fact that He loves us as his children and wants the best for us.

I come from a Catholic background but my father was a lifelond Athiest. Over the last few years he suffered some terrible illnesses, he had three consecutive brain tumours which is actually medically unheard of. At the time we could not understand why this was happening and how God could allow him to suffer the way he had. However my Father found that his suffering brought him close to a God he had never believed exist. He is now in pefect health and a devout Christian.

So really what I'm saying is that the blessing comes when you realise why you had to go through what you went through, and that you have to put your faith in God. I hope this makes sense.

[Imzadi]

Thank you all for your responses.
Lonnie, we are both still young enough to allow us time to wait and see if it happens naturally, or as naturally as possible anyway. but adoption is a possiblity.

Theland - after the intitial shock of having her private life discussed publicly albeit anonymously, my partner read your words which seemed to strengthen her resolve. she was amazed by the accuracy of your analysis of the situation since she has the same views and beliefs. i also agree with your suggestion of sharing in her faith since on reflection i realised that it was I that was 'blaming' God for our misfortune at this present time. i also realised that although i profess to be non-religious, i ashamedly turn to God only in times of need, so how can i be sure there is no God? i cant, so, i must try to share her faith or at the very least to believe in her faith as much as i believe in her. she thanks you for your prayers and said that you and your family will be in her prayers. thank you

[Imzadi]

Fingerprint - it did actually make sense. my partner does have faith in God,it would seem that it was i that didnt, I may never understand the why, but i do realise that her faith makes her much stronger than i am, a faith which has also helped your father through a situation far worse than ours. that brings a great deal of comfort to us both, especially my partner who says she will pray for your fathers continued good health. thank you

[dawkins]

Well Imzadi,

Difficult as it may seem now please try not to lose faith in the possibilities offered by medical science. Some friends of mine have recently had a lovely baby through IVF after trying for a similar period of time. It shouldn't need saying, but there are many people who contribute 'advice' on this site with bronze age agendas, so I will try to explain: There is no connection between a difficulty in falling pregnant and a person's relationship with god. To suggest, as some have, that this is some kind of test by god is both goulish and cruel, and completely ignorant without looking into your particular circumstances. Hopefully, you will support each other fully whatever the outcome and my thoughts are with you, but please do not blame yourselves. This is a problem that effects millions of people independent of religion, ethnicity or any other group you care to define.

[pugwashjw]

(Ecclesiastes 9:11) I returned to see under the sun that the swift do not have the race, nor the mighty ones the battle, nor do the wise also have the food, nor do the understanding ones also have the riches, nor do even those having knowledge have the favor; because time and unforeseen occurrence befall them all.

Nothing is pre-set.

So things do NOT have to have a reason to happen.

[winny]

I dont usually look in this section but came to look. I am touched by all your responses and although I am a believer in everything happens for a reason I have never had the cause to question this. Your remarks have been taken in for future reference.
My sister had trouble conceiving and had an ectopic pregnancy. From the start of her struggling I prayed for her and through the loss of the baby I found myself praying and in the end she had a healthy baby boy.
If we all keep praying then I hope your dreams will come true.