Guilty about finishing my BF

[jeanette1976]

I've just told my BF that it's over. It's only been since New Year's Eve so there's nothing major going on (for me) and the fact that we only get to see each other on free weekends due to him living in Manchester and me in Newcastle, only made things worse. I know it's not a serious relationship, but I just couldn't see a future for us. Problem is, he's very taken with me, telling me he loved me on our second date and he's always fussing over me. I told him to cool down, which he respectfully did. Problem is, I feel terribly guilty as we get on like a house on fire and he's the sort of guy that would never hurt me, he's treat me better than most guys I've met in the past but there's no spark for me... .usually, I'm the one that always comes on too strong for guys which scares them, obviously now I understand how it feels when the shoe is on the other foot...I know people say to give it time but it's just not happening for me... and at 24, he still doesn't know what to do with his life, which admittedly is a huge turn-off but unlike him, I'm very depressed as I feel trapped with my career, financial situation, etc.

[jeanette1976]

Continued....

He stil lives with his parents who are moving to London in July, no doubt leaving him homeless unless he moves with them... there just doesn't seem to be any motivation to try and do something with himself... he needs a kick in the pants (so says his mother) but so do I, which I'm trying due to my own stress, but he's relying on fate throwing him a lucky card... and he thought he was going to move in with me when his parents move.... He's not trying to take advantage of me, but I have my own problems to deal with and can't deal with having to force him to pull his finger out.... He's a great guy, he really is but it's just not happening for me.... and I feel so sorry for him becasue he keeps asking what he's done wrong and if it's because of our age gap (I'm 30)....I just feel terrible, I really do..... sniff sniff....

He still wants to visit in 2 weeks when i've got a free weekend, is it wrong to let him? I REALLY enjoy his company when I'm with him, but i'm worried that he'll think we can sort it out.... or even worse, I'm worried that I'll feel so sorry for him or have such a good time that I'll lose my head and take him back... only to finish him soon after...

I can't stop thinking about how bad I feel for him..... sniff... x

[flora696]

what's the question?

[curlyfilm]

you know in your heart, you are doing the right thing, its never easy, and you will feel guilty, its normal, someone who does not, is heartless, perhaps a bit of time and seperation will be best....
it will turn out for the best, just give it time x

[Goodsoulette]

Just cut the ties, dont let him visit, he will only feel hurt.

[cliffsweb]

just remember whatever you choose to do, just be completly honest with him, you say you dont love him, then tell him that. i can tell you think a lot of him and want to be friends with him, if thats not enough for him, i think you should make a clean break for him, dont keep him hanging on if theres no chance of mutual love, thats too cruel.

[jeanette1976]

Thank you everyone for your words, it means a lot to me.

You're right, the longer I leave it, the more it wil lead him on. I guess I'm confused about my own feelings because sometimes I miss him and when I'm with him, all my worries go away... and I have a great time with him... I really do... but I KNOW that it's just me getting 'caught in the moment' (terrible to say, i know... but it's true).

I'm really upset at the thought of him crying on his bed with those awful feelings you get when you really think you love someone and they've just called off what you thought was a fantastic time... I'm REALLY making myself feel worse..... Oh god.... I feel like i deserve to feel like a complete bas*ard because i'm causing him so much hurt..... I hate myself for it.... especially as he's such a lovely guy....sniff sniff... I'm going to bed because it's going to take me a long long time to get to sleep tonight.

Night night... X sniff

[Miss Inquiry]

Are you feeling any better after sleeping on it?

[Queenbee S]

Hiya Jeanette- dont feel bad, you have done the right thing if it didnt feel right for you, you wouldve just delayed it. Better to do it now than drag it out. Its probably not a good idea to see him in a few weeks, even though you miss him and feel bad. Better to let him get on with it. He will be ok, maybe it will spur him on and be the kick in the bum he needs. Take care x

[jeanette1976]

Morning... Sorry, for some reason, I'm having difficulty posting answers....

Well, I finally managed to get to sleep at about 4ish... up at 6 so I'm feeling rough AND still like a complete bas*ard... but nevertheless, I'm still going to stick to my guns...

In fact, I've brought his cd's and books to post to him today, but left his address at home by mistake.... and obviously not wanting to call him, I'm just going to post it all together on Wed as it's my payday and I owe him �50, so 2 birds with one stone.

I also agree that I should completely cut the losses as I remember us both agreeing to see eachother in 2 weeks and talking face to face, but I admitted that I may 'lose my head' and maybe even sleep with him, whether for 'old time's sake' or because I was drunk and happy and had a good night with him and that would obviously batter his head and make things worse.... he then said, 'Well that's ok if it happens..." To which I immediately told him it wasn't for reasons stated above.

What an absolute nightmare this all is. x