Friendship has changed - am I being childish?

[bowannabow]

My best friend has been around since school days and we've been through alot together. We used to talk most days and see each other most weeks. We are now both in serious relationships (she is married) and, inevitably things have changed quite a bit so it's not as often. I accept this. However, she has blown me out quite a few times recently and whilst I appreciate she now had other priorities I do feel a bit aggrieved and upset.

I would like, for example, to see her on her own sometimes rather than with her husband and to feel as if she wants to make the effort. She is also very busy with work. Am I being unreasonable and how can I deal with it without getting upset or making an issue out of it? Do I just wait and see if things change?

[buzybee]

Does her husband come out with her all the time when you meet?

[4getmenot]

I'm sorry to say thats life and although there are some mates who are willing to try with others and go out without their blokes there are some that you do drift apart from. Sit her down and tell her exactly what you've told us and explain if you wernt bothered you would be asking and trying, if shes a good mate she will try anything to keep you as one too.

[devilwoman]

yeah friendships and relationships are shifting and to different levels now, i take it you are still single? her priorties have changed as she has a husband and home to look after as well as work, no doubt if she has children she will be more distasnt as her responsibilities towards her family increase. i'm afraid unless you two have a really deep foundation of trust and friendship you will eventually drft away from each other and have separate lives, its a sad fact that we hardly ever take our childhood friends with us as we grow and mature. hope i'm wrong, but this has been my experience.

[bowannabow]

Buzy bee., yes that has been the case of late, well in fact since they were married.

I am not single I've been with someone for 7 months. I still want to see her on my own soemtimes that's all - I guess we are all different though and maybe things will change when she's settled downa bit with work and married life.

[Shannon07]

My best friend of 19 yrs is married, i am not. She has 3 kids, i do not. We have completely different lives and when i see her i see her with her kids, or with her hubbie around. Thats her life. I don't expect her to come out alone if she doesnt want to. Sometimes she has mad fits of freedom and wants to go out but these are rare.

When someone is contented you are an addition to their life, not a major part like you used to be. Its harsh, i did struggle at the start but you need to accept that this is how it is and try to salvage a changing relationship.

Why not suggest a saturday day time together shopping. Her husband can stay in, fix the car, watch sport or whatever and you girls can go out. You have to fit in with her routine but without being a doormat at her command

Difficult but dont row.... i;ve done that and lost my mate for a year cos she couldnt see my point

[buzybee]

I've had this experience before, i grew apart from my best friend of 9 years when she started going out with this guy.

He wasnt a bad guy but god he insisted on being beside her 24/7. It was so annoying! I mean you know when all you wanna do is have a good 'ol natter with your bessie mate about guys and lifes troubles and you have him sitting beside you crunching on a packet of walkers - not good!

We'd be going around TOP shop and he'd be picking up undies and saying what u think of that babe? Get this one no wait ill buy it!! eek! Nothing wrong with your guy taking an interest in fashion but come on!!? When i told my fella he just laughed!

I wouldnt mind but when she used to go out on her own he never used to go with her.

She never used to bat an eyelid it made her feel safe she said! and i was a total bitch for even thinking that he shudnt come with us!

I aint seen her in ages, she completely changed i tried talking to her but sad to say she never listened!

All i can say to you bowannabow is to approch with causion, its a tricky one, it might seem like that it may be easy to sort but the fact is He is her best friend now too!

Maybe start by having a "girls only" night out and dont take any excuses from her why she cant go!!

Good Luck & i hope you dont lose each other, good friends are hard to find!

[Shannon07]

My worst best friend/boyfriend story was that me and my mate went on holiday together for 2 weeks abroad. 2 days in and there was a knock on our chalet door. The boyfriend had turned up ! I went absolutely nuts ! He wouldnt leave and my mate wouldnt make him.

He stayed 7 long in my face nights