school bullying

[crisgal]

i'm meeting with my child's year 8 teacher next week to try and sort out a couple of idiots who have been hitting my son.
I don't really know what to ask though.
My son has begged me not to go in, in fear of what will happen as a consequence.
I feel I need to, as he has come home with lumps on his head - and has been brought up not to retaliate.
But, really, what can the school do about it? From their point of view, I don't really see a solution!
Help!

[jake-the-peg]

You need to ask the school if they have an anti-bullying policy.

They have to by law

Here's an example:
http://www.kidscape.org.uk/assets/downloads/An tibullypolicy.rtf

Note that it lists signs and symptoms so the fact that your son has not reported the issue does not absolve them of all responsibility.

Talk to them about their policy, how that works and why it is not working in your son's case.

Now it's not clear from your post whether this is an isolated incident -possibly even normal rough and tumble or the culmination of months of serious intimidation and victimisation.

You need to be clear in your mind about this, incidents dates etc. etc.

But keep it calm and in perspective.

At the very least they need to talk to the children involved so that they know they cannot just get away with unacceptable behaviour

[crisgal]

it's neither an isolated incident nor is it a culmination of months of torment - but I don't want it to become so!
I really want it nipping in the bud now.
Thing is, I almost feel like I've betrayed him by telling. What if he becomes known as a snitch? I'm really worried now. Maybe I should have left it.

I was bullied myself for years at school - can you tell?

[jake-the-peg]

No you're doing the right thing - my experience with my children is that bullying tends to stop when someone steps in - especially with boys.

Bullying with girls revolves a lot more around exclusion and is a lot harder to sort out.

At the moment these kids feel they're getting away with it - why would they stop?

[Mammar]

Jake has given you some really good advice.
Does your son say whether the bullies are just picking on him or if they also bully other children?
If that is the case, perhaps he would be more willing for you to go to report it as he would also be helping the other victims.
The trouble is bullies not stopped at this age are likely to be adult bullies, too.
I really feel for both you and your son. You both have such difficult issues to face. I am sure you are proud that he is talking to you about this problem. That at least shows how much he trusts you. Keep talking to him and hopefully he will see why these little thugs, because that's what they are, need to be stopped now.

[crisgal]

thanks guys, we saw the teacher and the pastoral officer earlier today.
They were very supportive and can hopefully sort it out without mentioning my son's name.
They have cctv all around the school and so can say that he was seen.
that link you gave me had a great section on what kind of person is bullied.
It really gave us both a boost!
Thanks again xx

[samgaz]

Firstly, your son needs to understand that these bullies need to be brought to justice as many a kid have done drastic things to get away from being bullied.Get to the school immeadiately and get the names of these bullies and inform the school that you are lodging a genuine serious complaint with the police,( who do not take bullying lightly ), and the said bullies will be dealt with by the proper authorities. It is often just left and bullied kids can only take so much before they do something to hurt themselves to get away from it all, and you know what that can lead to! So don't sit back, Stand tall and make them small !!!! hope this helps.