hardcore jealousy

[Queenbee spk]

Why would you keep stuff like love letters from somebody you split up with a year and a half ago, but you dont keep anything from other previous relationships? And this person cheated on you on numerous occasions and treated you really badly. What makes them so special. Grrrr I can feel a huge row coming on. Sorry I just had to vent at someone other than my boyfriend. Count to 3 calm blue ocean.. grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

[Queenbee spk]

I found them in the spare room not exactly hidden. Very hurt and trying to not explode

[HappyBear]

Queenbee,

I can imagine how you are feeling from past experiences.

Does your boyfriend know yet that you have found them?

[havinmysay]

there just memories,nothing else i to kept letters of an ex who cheated on me loads that was about 5 years ago and i only got rid of them a few months ago

dont worry about it hun xx

[Queenbee spk]

thanks happybear- he doesnt know, I dont want to tell him either so Im venting to try and avoid exploding. I know its just horrible jealousy and Im trying to control it I really am. He comes home soon and I dont want to pick a fight over something so stupid

[Queenbee spk]

cheers havinmysay- that makes me feel better. We have only been together 6 months so I suppose its a bit much to expect him to be over her. We live together though. Maybe he wanted me to find them I dont know..

[cyanide]

Let it go Queenbee,maybe he didn`t get rid of them because they mean nothing to him if you know what i mean.

[Queenbee spk]

yeh thats true cyanide thanks. I know its ridiculous its such a nasty emotion to try control gives me bad rage issues. Thanks again guys I know you are right.

[cyanide]

It`d hurt me more if they were hidden,by being left out he`s got nothing to hide.

[havinmysay]

like cyanide said he would have hid them if there were something going on,and its not because he's not over this girl they are really JUST memories.............chin up silly x

[HappyBear]

maybe he hasn't got rid of them yet as he may not even remember he has them?

i think it's important that you try and stay as calm as you can, and when he comes in you should just tell him what's bothering you in the most rational manner that you can muster at the moment (that is hard though when you feel so hurt). he will then be able to explain why he kept them, and hopefully this can lead to a chat where you tell him how you feel and he can reassure you.

i hope you get it sorted asap - it's horrible to have to deal with this things as after the event it all seems so insignificant but at the time it feels like you've been punched in the stomach!

how would he react/feel if it was the other way around?

[Hellion]

I agree with cyanide. I didn't clear out some stuff for about 3 years. Not for any sentimental reason I just couldn't be ar5ed to sort out that particular cupboard. How often do you give your cupboards or drawers a really good sort? I have one drawer in a book case that I never go in and I've been meaning to sort for about 8 years!! Don't spoil a good relationship with a row about nothing inparticular, you may regret it. x

[Queenbee spk]

thanks again-

He would be hurt too Happybear- I know he would. I just hate the fact that somebody who he loved treated him so badly, I hate what they had and it terrifies me that he would rather be with her than me, and hes only with me because after treating him awhully- and he stuck by her the whole time- she ended up leaving him anyway. Lots of history and baggage Im not usually this psycho honest lol it is literally like a punch in the stomach though. I feel like throwing up.

[HappyBear]

You poor bee.

Listen, he's with you because he wants to be, and I'm sure that he is absolutely crazy about you. He probably feels the same about your exes too. Nobody would ever be with someone that they didn't want to be with, and you couldn't be with just anybody because you got hurt in the past.

If he wanted to be with his ex, then he would be - you finding a box of things from his past does not mean that he wants to go back. At the moment, he is completely oblivious to all of this - he is just looking forward to getting home and seeing you, enjoying the present with you, and working towards a future. Please don't let this evening change that for you sweetie, it's really not worth it, You will wake up in the morning and feel so much better - there's a weekend just around the corner for you to enjoy together - life really is too short for you to be hard on yourself like this. Remember, you're fabulous, she's not - and your boyfriend will think that too.


xx

[kaylamay]

It may not be that that person is so special it maybe just be that your guy was so hurt by this person who may have made him feel very insecure or unsure about himself. Maybe he is still trying to figure out what if he did something to contribute to the abuse this person heaped on him. I'm sure he didn't, but we humans really do a number on ourselves and think we are to blame for things we have no control over. These letters may have nothing to do with that person in the sense that he still cares for her it could be that she pulled such a number on his feelings and he hasn't yet come to grips with the devastated way she may have made him feel. When he feels he has "recovered" i'm sure the letters will be discarded. I dont think they may even have any bearing on your relationship with him. Sometimes we keep around what others feel are sick memories or bad time, but until we feel safe and recovered enough to get rid of them we keep them around. Just be good and trustworthy towards him and when he feels sure of himself again the letters will lose their hold on him. They might be his reminder to never allow that to happen to him again.
OR, it could be he just forgot he has them.
We are all entitled to our little idiosyncrasies and unless you find him in the room reading the letters and crying then i wouldn't say anything just yet.

[Queenbee spk]

morning- thanks for your words last night you have no idea how much they helped make me feel better. I didnt say anything, Ive decided to leave it and just try and forget about it and get on with things. Its my own silly insecurities that are the issue, he has never given me any reason to doubt him other. Everyone has a past and its not fair of me to expect him to erase it. We all deal with things differently so who am I to judge. Thanks again for the good advice everyone xx

[alijangra]

If they are not hidden my guess is he has just forgotten they are there. Why not say you fancy a spring clean and clear out the spare room with or without his help, and mention that you happened across these letters and what does he want done with them?

[Queenbee spk]

thats a good idea thanks- might try that x