getting to know you.....

[4getmenot]

Was just in a post in relationships section and one question had me wondering. People said when you move in with someone you get to know what they are like and whether you really could spend the rest of your life with them. So I want to know if this is the case how come years ago when people didn't live in sin then got married they are still together now, and there were far less divorces back them.

[melons]

Do you think its beacuse we are maybe more fussy now, maybe in the older days divorce was as big a sin as living together? Maybe we have the idea in our head that if its doesnt work we can just get a divorce so we dont try as hard. Its a weird one, because living together has become so excepted.

[4getmenot]

That is a brilliant explanation of it all. I think you�re right that nowadays people have become lazy and don�t fight for there marriages to work anymore. And I definitely agree with divorce being a sin back then. But how did people make it work without knowing what they were like before they married them.

[leg_end758]

nowadays people dont give a sh!t.
its too easy to just move on to someone else.
men and women just dont commit as much as they used to.
itsa all about sex,enjoying yourself.
if youre not happy then gert someone wholl make you happy.
forget trying.
why bother eh?


its all gone to fook

[melons]

i honestly dont really know. My mum said that when she was young and got married she was pretty much in respect of my Dad there was no back chat or her saying no to him, she cant beleive how free spirited young married girls are now. she said that in her day her farther or mother would have slapped her for being cheeky to her husband.
i can never get how arrange marriages work, you are completley clueless about that person arnt you and that would be a real sin to break the marriage.
Maybe it was a case of of well i have married him, this is how life is i have to lump it. Where as if i am right in saying any of us would just say bin him move on.

[4getmenot]

do you think half the couples that have stayed together out there are happy?

[melons]

maybe some of them. but i reckon there are some unhappy ones, they have been together that long i just dont think they could bare to be apart.

[4getmenot]

sad really, like all the gay people that didnt come on because back then it was real bad to be gay and they are stuck in a life which they arent happy with

[melons]

we live in a weird world dont we, everything is about being socialy exeptable. Its wrong that you should live a lie because of socal standards or that someone wont speak to you because your gay or what ever reason for that fact.
being Gay was a huge taboo wasnt it. somethings still are and there must be people out there dying to break out of a trapped cage.

[leg_end758]

do you mean come out?

and i think some of them are happy with their double lives.
to come out now would lead to problems.

and i think theyd be scred theyd loose the life theyve become accustomed to as well

[melons]

of course to come out or change what they know would be to much effort and would ruin what they have.
some times its better to plod on with they way you live than to cause so many problems.
I also agree people must like living two lives, some people must like having a secret life that they can escape to!

[Bev2007]

Hi
I think you need to think about what exactly a man or woman would have coped on their own way back.
It is a post-war phenomenon that women go out to work, have careers at all and earn money. You cant have hopes and dreams without money, and without hopes and dreams you cant leave your husband. So, if a woman in 1900 left her husband because he turned out to be a ******, where do you think she might have gone??? Nowhere!

[melons]

Bev that is so true!! You ccouldnt have just said sod you im off to get my own place!
I had an experiance where my Mum and Dad were are very relgious and they didnt want me to marry someone out of their unit (so we say) they threw me out and made me get my own place. hardest thing i had to do. At least it showed me i could be independent. However if i hadnt been working i would have been stuck!

[JOEYGREEN]

My sister was with her boyfriend for about 3 years. They bought a house together and booked their wedding. They moved in together and within only three months it was all over and she said the exact same thing...you only know someone when you live/have lived with them.

[leg_end758]

well it is true.
sometimes familiarity breeds contempt.

mind you theres always outside influences too