Feeling lonely

[jeanette1976]

I think i'm having a mid-life crisis at only 30. Basically, I feel like Briget Jones without the mates or love interest.

All my mates have partners and usually spend the weekend with them, so that leves me without anything to do, my flatmate goes back down south every weekend to see his family and a few of my other mates work weekend nights. We used to all go out together every weekend in a big group but this rarely happens unless its an organised event, like someone's birthday.

To add to this, I recently split with a guy after only 1.5 months with him as i felt he was too young for me at only 24 so that's the first relationship I've had over and done with in FOUR years! I'm starting to wonder if I did the right thing but I know I'd only go back to him for the wrong reasons.

It sounds really sad, but how do I go about finding like-minded people? I'd love to go on holiday but who with? Singles?

I'm so depressed with this and how my life has just stopped and can't see a way out... i feel trapped.

Thanks. x

[jeanette1976]

I also want to add that I'm at the point in my life where I really want to just settle down and have kids, but I've not met a guy that's interested me in years.

[Pippa68]

Hi Jeanette.

Sad to hear you are feeling so down about this. As they say, you never know what is around the corner if you stop walking so keep your chin up and stride on!

I have a mate who has just turned 41. She is 'still' single, lives alone and often dreams about meeting Mr Right and having kids. While she is 'looking' she fills up her time with lots of hobbies, travelling etc. She hasn't been short of boyfriends as she has met lots of blokes through her travelling and hobbies..it's just that she hasn't met the right one yet. She isn't sad about it..yet ;o)

So my advice to you would be to get yourself out there, there are lots of things you can do and places you can go in order to gain a social life ~ dancing lessons, a bowling team, Rotary club etc...it may well fill your time up so much that you forget about meeting a long term partner because you are enjoying yourself so much..and if he DOES come along you will be hard pushed to notice..lol.

Good luck & take care :o)

[MrsJ1]

Jeanette, I've been through this, when I moved up to the Midlands and didn't know anyone. I made myself join a couple of evening classes just to get myself out of the flat. It doesnt have to be heavy - I did Psychology and *************!). Even though I didnt meet the love of my life there, it made me more confident and gave me something to talk about. I also ended up going out with a bunch of my classmates for a drink on several occassions and that is where I met Mr Right!! Hang in there, he's out there somewhere, but he's not going to come and find you, you have to get out there and look.

[Bev2007]

You need Spice! This is my local one but you should be able to find one near you. They run a full varied programme for people who are single or who dont share the same interests as their partners. Vast majority are single but its not a dating agency - sure you might meet someone but its a social group. Ive been, great fun, nice people.
http://www.spiceeastmids.com/

[4getmenot]

pippa I have a mate like that too. She met her husband when she was 40 and has a gorgeous little girl now which she had at 41. You will find love and you've done the right thing, if you didnt think he was right then no point being with him. And as for your friends organise nights out through the week, make it a regular thing, if they are true mates they will take time out for you and should relaise they have the rest of their lives with their blokes and friends should be important too.

[Supernick]

I feel for you Jeanette1976. I've just started seeing someone, but have been single for 7 years previous (26 now). I would truly advice trying a speed dating night or something like that. They're not as hoplessly embarrassing and cheesy as you would think, and there's actually a pretty decent chance of meeting someone. Get your friends on the case a well! It's they're duty to set you up with friends of friends, or workmates etc! Good luck

[minimonkey]

me too jeanette - same age - same life!!

i went to spice IMO it was awful. ihave been speeddating too. i actually can't give you any advice as i am the same!!

[badgerchops]

Not too disimilar either. I am single and find it difficult meeting people. i'm not shy but its just that there is honestly nobody out there. I have male friends who are a similar age to me and who are single. I think the biggest problem is that people in their thirties do not want to go out socialising every night and so we dont all meet each other as we are in our homes.
its about effort... like others have said - join clubs, gyms, classes etc to meet people. or try a dating website (a decent one).

[jeanette1976]

I've tried speed dating... I found the younger guys to see which 'chicks' were vulnerable & desperate enough for sex, the older ones too boring and the one's my age had let themselves go.... I'm not fussy but why should I settle for second best?

Also, tried match.com but apart from one, i didn't find any of the guys suitable.

I'm desperate to have more hobbies but don't really want to join on my own, daren't even do the gym on my own... and I'm not even sure what hobbies i want to do that will attract the same kind of people that I find fun.

I've even thought about moving to the opposite end of the country and start fresh, but I love the flat i rent and I just think Newastle is a really cool place, but nobody to enjoy it with.

[jeanette1976]

Also desperate to go on holiday and i know that there are sites that bring loads of singles and independant travellers together but I've just checked and they're more like dating hols.

On a lighter note, I saw a 'new' slang word added to the Oxford dictionary, which describes women like me as desperate thirty-somethings.... its a shame i can't remember what it was, although I suggest they change it to simply 'jeanette'.

[Roughquest]

Oh Jeanette - I feel as though you wrote that post for me ! I have been single now for 6 years and it sucks ! I sometimes find myself panicking thinking "that's it" my life is over...I am not short of men friends and I keep myself busy but I am too fussy where men are concerned and men my age always have baggage or they want no strings fun....and it gets very same same. I hate christmas and bank holidays as these are times one spends with respective partners. It does get me down sometimes so I know how you must feel, but keep thinking positive - there is someone out there for everyone...honestly...just live each day at a time and try not to think too far ahead and wish your life away. It will happen. You are a lot younger then I am too, so at least you have a head start...good luck. RQ xx

[4getmenot]

I was single for 10yrs

[jeanette1976]

Thanks for the support.... comforting to know others are feeling the same.

I sheepishly admit that I kind of 'feel cheated' and that more should have happened and yet I don't know what to do to make it happen.... vicious circles.

If anyone knows of some interesting 'friend making' sites, Id really appreciate it.

[KittyGlitter]

Hi Jeanette - believe me, you are not alone. The other weekend I went to an animation workshop on my own and met some like minded people. The girl who was my partner on the course has since asked me to meet for a coffee. This is how friendships can start, so.......I know its scary but try to put yourself out there and focus on what you can do, trying not to put yourself in the Bridget Jones Box. That film has not done much good for us ladies you know!! There are holidays you can go on which are geared towards people travelling on their own such at Moose Travel in Canada/USA. I went on this and made 2 mates who I'm still in contact with. You feel trapped but you have made the trap yourself- it's only your lack of confidence that is stopping you from trying out these new things. Make a list of everything that interests you and see if you can follow up any of them by joining a class or course etc. Try writing down what is scaring you about going to the gym or doing hobbies on your own and then when you see the reasons on paper, you can challenge them and see that a lot of your fears are probably unfounded. Good luck :o) xxx The key is to building up your inner confidence.

[jeanette1976]

Thanks Kitty, you've got some excellent ideas. It's so wierd becasue I'm actually very confident, but quite shy when I'm on my own.

I'd LOVE to do an animation course, having just had my first painting exhibition last Thursday, but any courses even similar that are available to me are usually joined by 'very mature' folk.... no offence to anyone, but I'd like to fnd people my own age.

Then i found an art history evening class but that had exams at the end which petrify me as i haven't done them since I was at school..... DEEP SIGH...

I really enjoy creative writing and reading but expected it to be full of stuffy boring people... I know I shouldn't judge a book by it's cover (hear, hear) but thats' how I always imagined local clubs.

[KittyGlitter]

You just never know who will be in your class - it's really random - I guess you'll never know until you go! The worst case scenario is that it will full of boring people you don't like and you don't enjoy the class - in which case you leave and put it down to experience. The best case is you make some new mates and have fun expanding your wide range of talents :o)

[joannie10]

i am reaching late 30s now and very much single. never thought i would be in this position but I am and determined to make the most of it. I am fortunate enought to have single friends - but only because I made the effort to get to know friends of friends and oveer the past couple of years they have become holiday companions. Even my married friends have not completely deserted me though - can they not do something at the weekend now and again or even just go along with you until you join something and get to know people? please try to think of all the good things in your life, or even how bad other peoples lives may be - focus on the good things and try to be positive - do not think about how you have to meet someone, love comes along when you least expect it they say but in the mean time enjoy what you have. good luck.