Motivation

[pinkiefriend]

I am having a real problem with motivation recently. I split with my long term boyfriend a couple of months ago. Since then i have been letting my college work slip, my work slip and i know i dont want to be doing this. I seem to be sleeping in and not really caring about it, missing college. I dont know what to do about it as I know what is happening is wrong. Has anyone got any advice for me. I need a good kick up the ass!!

[lounurse]

Its easy to get into this situation. Set yourself a fitness goal believe me it always always kick starts you. Think of an easy route say about a mile. Tell yourself you need to get up everyday and walk this before breakfast. Do not let anything stop you keep it going til you can run the mile and back. You will get your energy back and be ready to face the world. Tie this in with a change of diet - we should all be more healthy really. You will soon be back on your feet. It works for me every time!

[melons]

hello Pinkiefriend,
When you split up from someone it can totally mess your body system up and make you tired and out of a routine.
My sugesstion would be to try and get up early and do something like maybe go for a walk to get you moving, then have you day planned out (as much as possible) hopefully by the evening you will be tired and ready for a sleep! The only other advise i have is dont have an afternoon kip, it makes you wide awake in the evening and puts you out of the routine. Set a goal for your work maybe and try really hard to stick to it each day. at the weekends go and have fun, hopefully that will make you a little bit more motivated.
Good luck.

[Hellion]

Hi Pinkie - the symptoms you describe are also the symptoms for depression and you may well be feeling low following the breakup of a long term relationship. The other advice you have been given is excellent and you may want to think about a a little help to alleviate the depression - I DO NOT recommend prescribed anti depressants but there is an excellent and well documented herbal remedy rhodiola rosacea which I use for treating my bouts of depression (an inherited trait in my case not just 'feeling low') with huge success and they are not addictive, read more here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhodiola . They can be purchased at any Healthfood store and are ideal for giving you a step in the right direction back to feeling your usual self.

[Octavius]

It is quite common that people get enough benefits from the feeling of depressions so that they prefer remaining in a depressed state - despite all its unpleasantness -to being un-depressed. So they stay depressed.

At first this would seem nonsensical. Wouldn�t everyone not want to be happy rather than sad? But the word "want" is a tricky one, because a person can have more than one "want" at a given moment. For example, it may be that you do not eat a piece of cake even though you "want" it, or you may eat it even though you do not want not to get fat.

Self-pity is a pleasant substitute for pity from others. In turn another person feeling pity for you is pleasant because it is associated with the other person caring about you, and that caring is associated with loving you.

Any lack of love of others may be the proximate cause of sadness, because of the close association between lack of - in your case your boyfriends - parental love. (Notice how a parent expressing love for a child can banish a child's sadness. And a depressed adult is often conscious of the desire that a friend or spouse give comfort in the form of expressing sorrow.)

There is sound inner logic, then, in remaining depressed so that you can give yourself a reasonable substitute for the love of others that you crave. And this may act as a powerful attraction toward depression and a formidable obstacle to forsaking depression for happiness. In this respect depression is similar to hypochondria, which elicits sympathy from others and provides an excuse not to exert oneself. Just as with hypochondria, the benefits of depression may seem greater than the costs.

So pull up your socks and live life, don�t waste it and if you feel you really need proper help then visit your GP.

[Skreecheeboy]

I'll give you a kick up the @rse if that's what you want! Lol! Alternatively I am available for hot nights of boyfriend replacement therapy (BRT) and 2 heads are always better at getting up in the morning than one, I am constantly sleeping in in the mornings too! Keep your chin up and don't let the b@stards grind you down....

[Trinny]

hi pinkiefriend. I went through a similar situation when my relationship died. But I had to go to work, so had to get on. I have had depression in the past, and this didnt feel like depression. Just couldnt function properly. I thought I needed a kick up the a*se too. But its not always that simple.

My advice is (if you are down because of the relationship breakdown) things will get better. As time goes on, believe me. At one point I thought I was having a breakdown. But time is a great healer. And one day you will wake up and feel OK again. Hope this helps you. Good luck x

[xx marti xx]

As Trinny says,it WILL get better.I went through a break up with my ex wife.We were only married for 6 months(together for 6 years in total) and all seemed fine untill I came home from work and found a "Dear Jon" letter.I was devistated ,she told me she had to live life on her own and it was not my fault.
This didnt help me much and I kept clinging on to the fact that she may come back. I was very lucky with my work as i didn't go fo 2 months and I didn't get the sack!
I kept kidding myself and my friends that I was ok,but deep down I was in agony.I found it hard to talk to people especially family and friends.Although I didnt do it myself (didn't know how too)I wish I could have talked to more people who went through the same thing.They reckon it takes 1/2 as long to get over it as you were with them.I was with my ex for 6 years and Im just getting over her now,it has been 3 years since the split.
I know its hard but you need to get out and keep busy,but most of all take care of yourself,It Does get better !!!
Good luck !

[alijangra]

I dont remember who said it to me, or why they said it but the phrase 'life is not a dress rehersel' always makes me stop and think about how lucky we are to be here, and how life is what we make it. I have had depression in the past, was on medication which worked for me at the time but I had a bit of a job coming off it. What I did to help was make a positive change in my life, I realised my job was getting me down so I went back to uni. It may seem hard to go back to college but speak to your tutors about any work you have missed, they will soon get you back on track. When I was ill, I sometimes didnt leave the house for two weeks until my partner came back from working away, even if I had no food in the house. It didnt start that way, it started with not wanting to get up etc. I wish I had nipped it in the bud and realised I had a problem early on. Dont let things get any worse, call your college tutor today and arrange to go in for a chat and you will feel much better about returning.

[pinkiefriend]

Thanks for all your answers. I have made a conscious decision to kick myself up the @rse. Take some time out, make sure my house is clean, then my head might be a bit cleaner. Think that may sort the problem a bit..
Thanks folks x