my son just got a credit card

[Blyss]

well hes 19 and totally useless , he lost his job last week due to stealing , he was on the fiddle and work for months and he was never caught ..but in the end ...like we told him ..he was and they threw him out on his ear .., thing is this morning this mastercard fell though the door witha �1000 limit . I know thats not a lot of money , but its at my address and he is a stoner of the worse kind and cannot keep moeny in his pocket for a day .
Should I even tell him this card has arrived or should I wait until he acts a bit more responsible ?

[Champagne]

If you're considering resorting to such extreme measures, then why don't you suggest he moves out and learns to stand on his own two feet? So long as he's living at home he always has that to fall back on and you may find you are waiting in vain for him to become a responsible adult.

It may feel extreme, but I'm not saying you have to boot him out. Just give him a gentle, supporting push!

[ummmm]

Make him learn the hard way. If he get's into sh!t make him get himself out of sh!t.

[Blyss]

chucking him out comming belive me , hes not on the dole ..he starts a new job next monday I dont belive there is any excuse for any teenager who is able bodied to be on the dole so hes been forced to work.
Also ..I opened his mail doc , I feel I am within my rights in doing that and hes never had a probelm before .

[Shannon2007]

You are not within your rights to open his mail. he is an adult and although he does not behave like it sometimes he is young and will make mistakes. we all did it.

You are very controlling of him and he needs to find his own feet. you cannot decide who he becomes now that he is a man, just be there to advise him if he makes the wrong choice.

Give him the card and admit to opening it

[Blyss]

Shannon Ill treat him like a man ..when he cleans his own room , brings his washing downstairs ..learns how to use the washer , goes to work in the monring without me having to get up and wake him n stops spending every penny he gets on hash and lager.
So in other words ..when he acts like a man Ill treat him like one .
One the other hand , I have laways opened his mail because he asked me to cus he usec to be at work and wanted me to call him and tell him if anything important has came for him.
Ill also add here we recived a call from BT on good friday ..telling us "somone " called an 09 number from our house during the night ..77 times at the cost of $47 .

So yea ...when he acts like a man , Ill be one happy non controlling mommy.

[Shannon2007]

Fair comment in some ways however you need to let him try to do things. mummy doing it all is not the answer

[Reverandfunk]

I blame the parents...

[Champagne]

So you will continue to be a controlling mother and at the same time expect him to grow up? How does that work then? He'll need space to grow. I think you need to take a few steps back and let him find the world by himself.

If you're concerned about his bad debts having a detrimental affect on your credit rating etc. then he shouldn't be under your roof.

Either that or you control all his finances too. Which I don't think is what you want it to come to.

[Blyss]

I walked away from the pc and had a good wee think ,, your all right off course ..but then again you all dont know what hes like either , I wish I did control his money ..but sadly I dont ..if I did I can assure you he wouldnt be spending it all and I do mean all on hash and drink !
I relented and gave him the card so now shes away out spending and Ill prolly not see him well into the wee hours of the morning when he will fall thru the door totally wrecked and having lost the card .