Hi Pops, yes it has been a long time, Mum is fine, saw her last week sleeping in a doorway outside M&S, you will be glad to know she is no longer on the Meths, but has upgraded to Buckfast. She asked fondly after you, well she actually said 'where is that no good, lousy, sh*t of a father, he owes me �16,897.43 in child maintenance', which I thought in the circumstances was rather nice.
Now that I have found you, I and my 17 illegitimate swine(sadly not all from the same father) will be visiting you and carakeel very, very, very, soon.
Your every loving daughter,
warpig.
PS why did you call me warpig? Is it something akin to 'A boy named Sue' ?