Tell me lies , tell me sweet little lies....

[4getmenot]

I have a mate that has recently been dumped. Her bloke is in raf and the first thing he said was I want to be single blah blah blah. She keeps making up excuses like his heads messed up he's in iraq and I know he loves me. I basically said balls. If that was the first line that says to me hey I want to go out and pull. I told her to stop making up excuses for him and to move on as she say she's gonna wait for him. Now I here she's saying that I am being too blunt and I'm not telling her what she wants to hear right now. So tell me who lies to their mates and say'hey it will be ok' or did I do the right thing by being truthful. I dont want her to get her hopes up.

[joannie10]

i would always have to be honest and say what I think but know would have to be careful how I worded it. Something similar happened the other week with a friend who was falling 'totally in love' with 'just the nicest guy ever' after 3 weeks. He then finished it and my friend was really hurt. I started off with all the 'best you know now' stuff etc but she kept going on and on about how 'he just did not know what he wanted' and eventually, after a few drinks i had to say 'but he does not want you he has told you that' I felt bad afterwards and she said that hearing that was not going to help her and i said sorry but she was going on about how wonderful he was and all i could see was that he had hurt her. It is just the sort of person I am - all that matters to me is if someone wants to be with me or not, the reasons dont really matter. I certainly would not lower myself to wait for him. She may not want to move onto other guys yet but certainly if I got like that I would want my friends to give me a shake and tell me to get a grip.!

[ummmm]

At first I would rub her back then I'd be blunt

[JOEYGREEN]

A lot of my friends are like you 4get and although things they say are perhaps not what others might want to hear, what they do say is always what they think, what they believe, honest and truthful. They never say things in a way to upset anyone they just tell it how it is. Sometimes its a bit too much but then again what do you want - a friend who lies to you or a friend who tells you straight. I know what I would prefer.

[4getmenot]

exactly, I dont say it nasty and explained that I cant say everything will be ok coz I cant predict the future but I can say I hope she will be ok. At end of day I guess she just wants reasons but isnt gonna change a thing

[joannie10]

she will just be upset and hurt at the moment but will thank you for your honesty once she is thinking straight. just be there for her - which i think you are anyway. I do have a heart but sometimes I am a bit like 'get on with it there are a lot worse things going on in the world' but of course that does not really help.

[butterfly07]

hi 4getmenot,
the same thing happened to me a few years ago, my fella was away in the navy for 6 months and 2 days before he was due back he txt me and told me he was seeing someone else. in my head i knew he wasnt coming back and was just a t*rt but i was scared that it was because he didnt fancy me or that it was my fault and that no1 would else would want me so i guess your friend is prob feeling like that too. but i agree with you, you shouldnt make excuses for people like that because she prob knows its not true! it sounds like shes in denial and trying not to blame herself for it and in a few months will prob see that you was right. and dont feel guilty for what you said, everyone has different ways of dealing with things. :)

not very helpful but i just had to share that with you lol.

[chitchat]

She is hurting too much at the moment to accept that what you are saying is the truth. In time she will she that for herself and she will understand that you were there for her when she needed you. I wish there were more friends like you in this world, then perhaps it wouldnt be such a bad place.

[ALLO5775]

tell her to listen to the dance by garth brooks. country song.

[sense4all]

Don't ask me about your shoes, kids, husband, life choices if you can't handle the truth. Can't be too terrible tho' as friends ring me first to solicit opinion. Stick with the truth, perhaps work on delivery tho'.

[ALLO5775]

why didn't i get any stars?
the song say's "i coulda missed the pain but then i'd of had to miss the dance."
you are rite for telling her the truth. she probably knows it too. just hiding behind the pain.

i'm sorry if i offended you. that's not what i was trying to do.

[4getmenot]

didnt offend me, I guess post was so small it went past it when I paged down.