help me

[ALLO5775]

i'm so stressed out in life. my husband neglects me. i'm basically raising my kids on my own. he's too busy drinking and golfing. he never wants to spend time with me. i'm always with the kids so i never get to go out and do anything. don't get me wrong, i love my kids. and they are so fun to be with. but i need adult conversation!

does anyone have any advice?
and is anyone going through something similar?

thank you,

angie

[netibiza]

The trouble with ultimatims is that you have to be prepared to act on them, not always easy with 3 kiddies. The first time you do not back up your words, and he'll laugh at you after that. I only had one child, no parents and in a foreign country, husband supported me (childcare way too expensive here, and loads of paperwork for work permits in those days) so I decided to stay. Sometimes he has been so awful in drink I merrily wished he would die on the way home!! We are better now, but I know deep down that he resented our child and the attention I gave to her, as we had 11 child free years before she came along, and we did everything together, then that stopped. He also didn't understand the fact that I would have chosen her (what mother wouldn't) over him at any time, if needed . Oh dear, sounds awful, doesn't it? Well we've got through it, but I also felt that I brought her up on my own for the first 12 years and then he started to take an interest in her.

[spanner7853]

is his name Jon? this sounds like my ex husband. eventually after 10 years of trying really hard to make it work I said goodbye. Found a fantastic new man who I'm now married to. It was a difficult decision as I had 2 children but based on the fact my mum was 45 when she died i thought I could either stay and be miserable for the rest of my life or leave and make it as happy as possible. I imagine you have done the sit down and have a chat bit, if so you need to make it very clear that if it continues you will do something about it.

[spanner7853]

also I get on better with my ex now than I ever did and he respects me more than ever. We have a fantastic relationship and he see's the kids more now than when we were together.

[ALLO5775]

making a decision is very hard. you are rite. it's soooo hard. part of me does love him. but the question is am i in love with him. i don't think i do. his dad was the same way. he didn't stop drinking till he was 50. i don't wanna wait 20 yrs to be happy. i want that now. just to have a man hug me and say i love you. i'm crying again.... gotta go

[warpig3]

ALLO honey, you ok? if you feel like crying then do so (not in front of the kids but you know that anyway). If you feel the need to cry take yourself away and cry and concentrate on your breathing, breathing in, breathing out, think about it as you do it, the deeper the better, let it all out, christ I sound like Ophray, but you know what I mean. Hopefully you will find this calming, it will not solve any problems but may enable you to take a step back and relax to some degree, sometimes there is nothing better than a good cry, just for you.

Nite nite sweetie

warpig
XX

[warpig3]

'just for you' , read 'just for oneself'.

XX

[VS Prasad]

No amount of advice from any person will change him.

Practice meditation and Yoga. It works in a different plane.
To start with, it will give you peace of mind. It will give you
the mental strength to get along on your own. The most
important thing is, it will change your 'aura'. You will be
surprised to see that your husband will get attracted to you
in a very different way. That is just the beginning. Do not
be pleased by the small change and stop the practices.
Make him also to practice one of them. That will give you
the long lasting result.