Children left alone

[yummymum]

i want some opinions please, me and my childs father live apart although you could say we are together (our next baby is due in 5 days). Anyway today i dropped them both off at his house as usual, i then went round to his mums house, i was there about 5 minutes then went, as i drove up the road my partner was crossing over heading towards the shop I pulled over and asked him where our son was he said he was in his house I then asked who was with him and he said he was alone. I couldnt believe what i was hearing, he had left a 3 year old alone in the house, i drove round to his house and let myself in and watched our lad till he got back from the shop, I really was fuming when he got back and I had to walk out so not to argue in front of little lad. when i had calm down a bit I said to him that he was wrong in leaving him and was it something he did a lot, to cut a long story short he didnt see a problem with leaving him as the shop was just round the corner and little lad was watching tv! he then tried telling me i was over reacting and trying to control him and his son.He told me not to bother taking him if i was going to tell him how to look after him to which i asked him if he would ever do it again, he told me if he wanted to go shop and leave him he would and he wasnt gonna take orders from me. I dont think i have much choice but to not let him have him,also after all this he told me he wanted our little lad over night whilst i was in hospital!!!
wht does everyone think?

[lou 26]

Ive not read all the replies here so excuse me if im repeating anything. He should never have left your son alone, not even for a few minutes. Unfortunately there is NO law as to what age a child can be left alone. The NSPCC advise that children under the age of 13 should not be left alone but is it not law, it is just suggested as good practice. Even if nothing happens to the child his father seemingly has no thought for the childs feelings. Children of this age become scared and lonely and that simply is not fair.

[dot.hawkes]

If it isn't law, why are women who go off on holiday and leave their kids with irresponsible people who then neglect them always making the headlines and being charged with child endangerment? What law are they breaking to warrant a charge like that if it isn't about leaving the children alone?

[yummymum]

I have also read that there is no law which totally baffles me, how ever if you are caught leaving the child alone he/she can be taken from you straight away and people can be done for leaving children, it goes of the age of the child and how long they are left for, its all just a bit confusing how it works, there should just be a law.

[yummymum]

My partner is now saying there is no point seeing his son unless he can have him alone, this came after i suggested he should come up and see him and he said no.He still hasnt said he was in the wrong and when we last spoke about it he said he would leave him alone again if he wanted to. Ive decided just to leave him to it, im not stopping him seeing him just saying i cant trust him to have him alone at the moment and if he cant deal with that then i dont feel i can back down

[lou 26]

I agree yummymum there should be a law and Im not sure how it works either but I know there is no law as to what age a child should be left alone. I think first and foremost you have a responsibility to your child and his Dad, no matter what your feelings are for him, isnt responsible enough to look after him. I would never leave my daughter in the hands of anyone who said they would leave her alone if and when they feel like it, whether it be her Dad or not. It must be drumming up all sorts of emotions but you mustnt beat yourself up about your son seeing his father. I agree that children should be allowed to see both parents BUT thats as long as neither parent is a threat to them. And in this case he is. Im not saying he would harm him intentionally but you simply cannot risk him leaving your son alone again. If anything were to happen you would never forgive yourself and have to live with the guilt. Seemingly you have tried to speak to him about it and he is digging his heals in. He needs a wake up call. I wish you the very best of luck

[yummymum]

He is digging his heals in your right and i think he is also playing games because he is not getting his own way, after him saying today he wasnt going to see him if he couldnt have him alone i basically ignored him on that subject and later on i asked if he was going to be be at the birth(im havin section on tues) to which he said he would not be here, im not sure what that was meant to mean but i just said oh ok are u going away, ok then. i think he is trying to threaten me with different things in the hope i get scared that he really will go away and have nothing to do with us, but what he doesnt realise is after what he did im past caring

[lou 26]

aww bless you. Seems to me youre better off without a man who plays mind games, threatens to go away. Does he think youll not cope if hes not around? silly man! I know its easier said than done but I would ignore him totally. If you keep talking to him youre playing into his hands because he gets a reaction. To ignore him would hurt him far worse i think. You need to concentrate on yourself and your children and not give him a second thought for the time being. Maybe once your baby is born he'll have second thoughts? If he cant even be bothered to be there when the child is born then that must speak volumes. You deserve someone who loves and repsects you, not someone who wants to control you

[yummymum]

thanks lou, im slowly starting to realise that i do deserve better and u was spot on when u said if he cant be at the birth it speaks volumes, no doubt between now and then he will have a change of heart but i for one am not going to beg him, ive begged before and all it gains me is more lack of respect

[lou 26]

yeah i know what you mean, ive done some of that myself in the past. We learn the hard way eh? Your children are the most important things in your life right now as well as yourself. Its easy to keep going back to situations like that and youll always find an excuse to do so because its what youre used to, hes the father of your children etc etc. But one day you have to make a stand for yourself. You ARE important and so are your children. Youre an adult, youre used to him and his ways but he has NO right whatsoever to play with the minds of your kids. and its despicable that hes using them to get at you. I know its not the easiest of times for you but heres to new beginnings. You will get through this, i promise you. Do you have family that will support you through this

[Le Chat]

YM. If I found out like you did that my ex had left our son, aged 3, alone, it would be a drop dead deal breaker. He would never see his son alone again. No 'but he's his Dad!' Your son's interest is no1. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. If you leave him with him again, he WILL leave him on his own. He will also tell your son 'things about you' as soon as he can also, as he is a spiteful moron who cares only about himself and not a jot about the welfare of his son. So don't let this intimidating threat hang over you either...it's a form of blackmail and you can't let that happen.
Why were you ever with him?????????????

[True Blue 36]

you know what yummymum you have so much to look forward to with your new baby and ickle boy. S*D THE LOT OF EM. Easier said than done i know but you have the rest of your life to go. You know what is right in your mind and heart. You sound like a lovely mum and you will have the strength to do it.

hope you work it all out and you are all really happy x

[pigbin]

no matter how old your child is you do not leave him /her onthere own even for a minute life is to preciouse i rest my case

[emevol69]

There is no law saying a certain age because children are all different. My daughter was responsible enough to stay alone when she was 8 yrs old, my son is 8 now and theres no way i would leave him alone! As a parent you have to know what your child can handle at what age. But no 3yr old should ever be left alone.

[davkel]

where he keep his brain cell.wot was rong with him taking child with him.but don.t get too upset this is a stressful time for you,your child is ok and lets hope your partner learn a lesson.put it all on the back burner for now and when ya had baby make a few new house rules.i know wot ya up against i have to dot every i and cross t with my husband, he village idiot, everyday i seem to scream at him.Some men jus waltze thr'o life and ya jus have to wonder if we come from same planet.good luck with baby it gonna be fine

[True Blue 36]

ha ha davkel are you married to my husband?