My friend...

[Silversky]

Is always always complaining that no-one ever listens to her, and that no-one cares she has problems.
However, I spend most nights on her, listening about whats wrong with her life, and Im always trying to help her out, give her advice, and let her stay at mine whenever she needs to.
But it just never seems to be enough. I never really tell her any of my problems, although about 7/8 months ago I was pretty much ready to kill myself!!!
Is she just attention seeking, or do you think I'm just over-reacting? I love her as my best mate, but I wish she'd stop telling me all her problems and then not even give a thought about the advice I offer.
Thanks =]

[RATTER15]

"You spend most of your nights on her"

Maybe she really is troubled, only you can really be the judge as you haven't told us what kind of problems she plagues you with.

[cyanide]

How come you don`t share how you are feeling with her?You should tell her your problems,friendship should be a two-way thing.

[Le Chat]

It is she who doesn't listen and cares not for other's problems. It's called mirroring and is a psychological phenomenon. ie, The person is actually describing themself but can't see it!! These type of people tend to be very self centred, perhaps you should point this out to her!

[cyanide]

Thats very interesting Le Chat and would explain one of my friends behaviour`ll look into that further.

[Huderon]

Your friend sounds like one of my wife's friends, always talking about her problems, always coming up with umpteen reasons for not doing anything practical when given simple advice, and always with ready solutions to any problems someone else might have (and always solutions which have already been considered and rejected for good reasons).

I'd say that she is just self-centred, and you'll either cope with her as she is or get mad enough to tell her to take a hike or walk away for your own peace of mind !

[legend760]

silver i think youre only 16 as i guess your friend is.
tell her to chill out

shes only a kid things cant be that bad

if they are then get some counselling

[Silversky]

Thanks for all your comments.
Its kinda got me down lately and a bit hurt, we haven't been best friends for that long, and I just can't keep up with her.
I know she has alot of problems, and you should never bottle them up, because that makes it alot worse. But it winds me up how the things (that she tells me about at least) aren't THAT bad (Like alot of guy trouble), and have obvious answers too.
And she has been told many a time (not by me however) that she can be 'self-centered' and only talks about herself.

I'm really Sorry Le Chat, me being really slow today, I can't quite grasp the concept of your reply, wouldn't be able to 'dumb it down' a bit please =]

and haha, sorry ratter, I think I meant 'listening' or something like that, me not using my brain.

And legend, my friend would never dream of going to counselling, even though she knows it helped me endlessly. It's just 'not her'

[legend760]

sorry silver
in that case you need to distance yourself a bit

before it gets you down too

[Silversky]

But then I get worried that if I back off then she'll ask why, and if I tell her the honest truth and then it'll really hurt her, and add to her problems.
Plus last year I went through a nightmare time with my best friend of 11years, it literally broke my heart. And I really don't want to go through that again. As pathetic as that may sound.

[legend760]

well u gotta choose your own health or theirs.

f god sake youre just kids and worryinmg your life away

go out and enjoy yourself ,cos when youre older its too late



far too late btw

[Silversky]

It's very true, and I know what you mean ledgend, I really do.
I try not to worry about petty things, and I always take my chances. Pressures have always got to me in the past. But I've kinda seen the errors of my ways since the nightmare that was last year.
Now Im alot happier, and I know what I have to do and what I have to live for.
And don't worry, I'm not about to forget it.

[Silversky]

legend* sorry

[pussnboots]

Hello Silversky, Best friends can be a nightmare sometimes and they can turn on you with no reason. I had a really good friend, she lived next door to me, but about 18 months ago we sold our house and moved, but only about half a mile away and even in the same village. This friend really resented the fact that I was moving on, ie.. to a better house nicer location etc. after years of really good friendship she told me to get out of her house when I went to her and told her that we had sold. I was quite upset at the time because I couldn't believe that she resented me so much. This person hasn't spoken to me since, I see her now and again in the village and she just turns and walks away. I would love to phone her up and try and be friends again, but I am frightened of being ignored and put down.
I like you listened to my friends problems, (she had a lot)
but she was only really happy when she was unhappy ( if you see what I mean), she was never really interested if I ever had any good news. What is the saying......Beware of your enemies, but be more aware of your friends.

[Le Chat]

Hi silversky. 'Mirroring' is when a person who cannot see themselves as they really are, attributes their own bad qualities to someone else.
For example, person 'a' may complain that person 'b' is vain and always wants to be the centre of attention. On examination, it turns out that person b has committed a small 'crime' by turning up late to a function, thereby attracting the attention of everyone who is already there and seated. However, this was only seen like this through the eyes of person a. In actual fact, person b was just held up on the way and was genuinely late, with no passion to be the centre of attention.
The crunch of the little story, is that person a is the most vain and attention seeking person that you could ever meet and has 'thrown' her own personal characteristics onto preson b. ie, if she had arrived late, it would be because she wanted to be noticed, not because she had been stuck in traffic!
My Gosh...that's so long winded! I hope I haven't complicated things furthur.
A shorter way of saying it is....." What I hate about you is what I see in me!"

[taliesin238]

Deep down she really cherishes you as she feels she can really talk to you and confide in you with everything!! Maybe you are the only person in her life that she can really talk to about everything!! You sound like a person that everyone trully wants in a best friend and its great!! However you must decide that sometimes you have to take time out!! Possibly explain to her that when you are together that you should both that opportunity to Chill out and relax together as oppose to using the time to think of tense subjects. Can you talk to her about your problems?? Does she seem to take her time to listen to you as you do to her? When she goes off on one and you really feel that you cant take it (this is going to sound MAD but it works) try and imagine a brick wall in between you and her and that this wall is preventing all tence energy from her to get to you!! this doesnt mean ignoring her at all but it does help!! Hope this helps!!