Being Used?

[emmies51]

Help please!! I've been with my boyfriend nearly 18 months. i split with him over summat stupid last month and he's only just agreed to give the relationship another go. I love him to bits, but he says he wants to take things slow. We are still having sex and everything is fine there, but he is very funny about when he sees me. I saw him tonight and before I left he said he'd see me on Sunday. He didn't even ask if I could see him! I know he loves me, but I'm worried he's just after sex from me now and doesn't really want to be with me. He is really caring when we are alone but if we're around other people he treats me differently. I know I've hurt him and maybe am expecting too much too soon?? But I'm hurting too and I don't know if I can go through us breaking up again further down the line if he gets bored! HELP PLS???

[CactusButtus]

May I ask why you two broke up?

[tazz]

sounds to me if he wants sex then he dont wanna take it that slow. dont agree to c him everytime he wants a c u, say ur busy sometimes even when u aint. sounds to me if hes in control of ur relationship when it should b 50 50. hope this helps it did 4 me.x

[chazza]

Say that if you are taking it slow then you wont have sex until the relationship is ready for it again (ie serious). That way you will know whether he is just after sex or whether he is in it for the long haul

[tazz]

yep chazza i agree with u there, n i think she should call the shots a bit to (i.e when she sees him)

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, it all depends on why you broke up originally...

[emmies51]

We broke up originally because I felt that he didn't appreciate me and some ti e apart would make him realise what he was missing. We talked for ages - on more than one occasion, and sorted out our differences and then agreed to give it another go....

Thank you for al lthe advice, it's just hard, and I hate feeling like this :-(

[jno]

if he treats you differently in private and in public, then it sounds as if he's - what - ashamed of you? Or is it that he wants to seem more macho in public or something? Anyway, I'm always a bit wary of people who have two different faces. One possibility is that he really is using you, as you suspect - sex in private but he doesn't really want to be seen out with you; and he's taking you for granted in imagining you'll be there when he calls. Playing hard to get won't necessarily solve this problem if it goes deeper. You say he loves you, but I wonder.

[emmies51]

He says he loves me, and i've always belived him before. It is just hard because I love him so much and now I really don't know what to do!!

[sosad]

I would say that he might be seeing someone else. If you broke up with him because you didn't feel appreciated, you sure don't feel it now either, not worthy.

[Trinny]

hi emmies, sorry you are feeling so low about things.

He didn't appreciate you before. And now you are in a situation where it seems he is calling all the shots, and you are still there for him. I have been through a similar situation, and it took me a long time to realise how badly I was being treated. Yes he may be all lovely to you in bed together, but there is more to a relationship than just sex. You need to be respected and loved all the time, like it should be. Not just when it suits him.

Its difficult I know. But really, as chazza says, if he is telling you he wants to take things slow. Then dont have sex with him. Tell him, in your opinion, thats taking things too fast.

Have a break from him. No contact. Give yourself time to think things over. You deserve a lot better OK xx

[emmies51]

I am going on holiday in 2 weeks so there will be no contact cuz i'm not taking my phone. I told him last night that sex was taking things too fast and we should be taking the whole relationship slowly and he went mad! but in the end he agreed i was right. I really dont want to lose him. I know he's not perfect, but neither am I! lol Just don't know what to do for best :-(

[tazz]

sounds like u did the right thing last night. if he really loves n cares 4 u then he`ll wait. n going mad in the first place abt not havin sex just implies that maybe it is just sex. i dont know but by not havin sex only time will tell

[emmies51]

I just fed up now of all the **** this is causing! lol, i love the guy, but if he doesn't want me i'd rather he just said -- is that too much to ask?!