Is is wrong to want more commitment after 3 years?

[Lin2006]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. I love him more than anything in the world, he says he loves me too and treats me like a princess. Im 23 and he is 25.Things really could'nt be any better. However, for the past 3 or 4 months i've got to the point where I would like a more permanant- feeling commitment from him. I feel that getting engaged isn't something to be taken lightly and i've put a lot of thought in to it. I'm a strong believer that marriage is for life. I've talked to him about engagement OR moving in together and he says it's not want he wants. This has been really playing on my mind and upsetting me to the point that last week I suggested we go on a break to sort out what we both want. He said that if we had a break we wouldn't ever get back together - which totally shocked me!!! I just need some opinions on this!!! I'm at a loss as to whether he's likely to be commitment-phobic, has genuinely never thought about commitment or whether he's just waiting for someone better than me to come along!!??

[Loosehead]

Carry on as you are, don't push it and ruin what you have. When he's ready he'll ask you he's not ready don't drive him away by getting all obsessive.

[alijangra]

Sounds exactly like my other half. We live together, but that was after 5 years. At 7 years, still not engaged. If things are fine, why try and change it? He is probably just worried that things will change and he is happy how things are. You are still very young, plenty of time for marriage etc. The last thing you should do is push him, or try emotional blackmail as it will just backfire on you.

[nuoyg]

I think it sounds like you have a really good thing going on. Although mature you're both fairly young so why not enjoy it and see what happens. If you're right for each other you have plenty of time to get engaged etc etc.

If someone isn't ready to do something they won't and the more you push it the more they'll be likely to pull away.

That said if it does get to the point where you are feeling very strongly about firm commitment, perhaps you just want different things.

[nuoyg]

p.s. I genuinely don't think he is waiting for someone to come along as you say he treats you like a princess, I don't think he'd do that.

And when he says it's not want he wants (moving in/engagement) does he say it in the sense that ''it's not what I want I'm too young'' or does he say it as though it doesn't want it ever?

[Lin2006]

he just says he's never thought about it. I can't seem to get much of an answer apart from that. He just backs away.

[isis4691]

After three years together I would also be expecting more of a commitment from a partner. We live in a time when everything is available to everyone and people seem to move on to another partner quite quickly because commitment and marriage is on the decline.

Women seem to undervalue themselves and just go along with the relationship because they fear the other person will leave, but you should stand up for yourself and if you want commitment then go for it, if he leaves then maybe it wasn't to be and who knows you could stay as you are and he may leave anyway.

[nuoyg]

perhaps now you've sowed the seed in his head he may think about it...blokes can be more laid back than females on these things and sometimes need a helping hand...!

[Lin2006]

Thank you so much to everyone for their answers. Your opinions have given me some points to think about and some good, non-biased advice. I'm very grateful.
Kind regards,
Lin.

[cazzz1975]

also these days the actual though of marriage is a financial one, its a hell ove a big debt, no doubt if he treats you like a princess he will want you to have the best.

the best costs a fortune!!