Court decision on contact

[Elsie13]

My ex who has never seen or enquired about my daughter in 3 years (he abandoned me and my eldest daughter when I was three months pregnant with my second child) has suddenly appeared on the scene demanding reasonable access - something which i disagree with completely at this time. I expect this is going to end up in court as i have serious concerns over his motivations for this access anyway and cannot deal with him directly myself. What am I to expect a courts decision to be after all this time? My daughter in only two years old and very settled in my family with her sister and step-father who has been with us since before she was born. Any ideas??? Thanks

[xhxmxsx]

i think with most courts unless the father has been abusive to his children they will grant him access it may just be supervised visits to start but it'll work up, why do u not want your children's father in their life? i always think children have a right to know and have a relationship with both parents, maybe there's a reason it took him so long to contact!

[Elsie13]

If it hadnt been for the strong support of other people i wouldnt even be here to tell the tale. His actions damaged my eldest daughters health who was only 5 at the time he threw us out of our own home. He never once checked on us and took us through an 18 month court battle to recover my money from the house so that i could actually give my children a home. He hasnt been in touch as he moved his ex girlfriend and daughter into his home straight away and chose them as his family and cast us to one side. He has a track record for being unreliable and spent the first year of his other daughters life playing games with his ex and involving the courts (only to be sleeping with her at the same time behind my back while we were trying for a baby!) I do not want his influence on my daughter and i do not want to let him hurt her the way he hurts most people he comes into contact with. His behaviour is destructive and selfish - he only ever thinks of himself and this sudden interest in my opinion is purely because he knows we are happy. I had a breakdown during my pregnancy because of the way he treated me and somehow managed to find a wonderful man who has raised my daughter as his own and is a wonderful stepdad to my eldest daughter. And this is why i do not want to introduce him into her life at this very tender age - i will always be honest with my daughter and perhaps when she isn old enough to understand we can sort something out - at 2 years old i think a stable homelife is the most important thing and my ex will destroy that without a doubt.

[Elsie13]

Please note that my eldest daughter has a different father and she sees him regularly so this is not a case of me being unreasonable. I fully support her seeing her father as he is a good person and we both work hard to make the arrangement work for her - my ex who is in contact now does not have the ability to do this.

[Le Chat]

Elsie, my advice to you is to do everything and anything within your power to keep this toxic man away from your life and your family. He does not care for his children and obviously has some kind of agenda going on here. I can only speak and tell you what I would do under the same circumsances and that is to be as evasive as possible. Ignore all that he says and if it does come to court, then make sure you are ill or unable to attend. Do whatever it takes and make it as difficult for him as possible.
I am pleased that you now have a loving and caring partner and I wish you well.

[Elsie13]

Thanks for your advice. This is all new to me and i never thought i would be in this position as it goes against the type of person i am completely. However, my children are most important and i really dont want him involved with her. You hear about women 'playing every trick in the book' but i havent a clue what that means! Dont you end up in prison these days if you dont turn up to court or obide by the court order?? I just havent a clue how to go on with this... surely if i dont go to court they just rule in his favour?? He will know all the tricks thats for sure - he is a very convincing man when he needs to be but alot of policeman tend to have that ability! (Not all of them granted...)Our previous court scenario was awful as he was 'evasive' from start to finish and it ended up costing me a fortune as he avoided representation but insisted all of my correspondence go via my solicitor.

[xhxmxsx]

Elsie i'm sorry about your situation he sounds like a nasty evil piece of work, my friend has a 5yr old boy and her situation was pretty much the same as yours apart from the older daughter part, her x was seeing 2 other women kicked her out of her house when she was pregnant although it was after months of physical and mental abuse he even threw her down the stairs when she was pregnant threw things at her e.g chairs, knives
when she had their little boy she moved away changed her name as she was scared for her and her little boy, anyway he found her and they went to court, he now has weekend overstay access and the reason they gave my friend for actually giving him access is he's never abused his child
i do hope if your x goes to court they do not give him access, if i was you i'd find a very good solicitor

[aims1202]

I really think that some of the answers you have been given are not very good advice. I understand that this man has done some bad things and you may feel hurt and angry with him. But it does not sound like he is a danger to your daughter.
I think every child has a right to know and see their parents whoever they are and whatever they do. As a parent you need to let go of the bad feelings towards this man, for your daughters sake, and then give him a chance and let him see her. If you do it yourself it would be much less traumatic for you all including your daughter, than going to court. You could then say to him i will only let you see her when i am there as well, if thats what you want.
If you are nice to him he may surprise you and be different to what he has been in the past. Everyone can change.
I think if you didnt turn up at court it would look bad on your part and you would not do yourself any favours.
Your daughter will probably thank you when she is older if you do let him see her. Just try really hard not to tell her about the bad things he did in the past, just look to the future and give her the chance to know her Dad. I hope it works out well for you.

[Ams6784]

well i think yr in a catch 22 darl! do u let him see his daughter and maybe hurt her too or not let him see her and have her blame you for her not seeing her dad! my botfriend has 2 other kids he doesnt see coz there mam has made sure we cant se them! but he doesnt know them now as will yr daughter not know her dad so they are like strangers kinda thing! so thats not easy! why only now does he want contact though why not beofre! be carefull as he may be using yr daughter to get to you thats what my partners ex does to him uses the kids as a weapon! its a nasty trick but ive known of alot of people to do it! i hope al works out wel for u and yr daughter and massive respect to that lovely man youve found to bring up yr daughter coz i know its not easy especailly at times like these! x

[sarah1987]

the same thing happened with my best friend and the courts decided that it would be best to start having supervised visits in a contact centre every fortnight on a saturday for 2 hours due to the fact that he was very unreliable etc. after 3 sessions he did not turn up again and we havent heard anything since and that was a year ago