wfie and coke

[TAH1612]

Am i being unresonable if i moan because my wife stays out all night doing coke while im at home looking after our 11 month old son? We have been married for a month and im now wondering if i married the wrong person. She says shes a big girl and she does what she wants. Am i wrong for thinking that this isnt the right frame of mind for a marriage. She always makes it out that im just being out of order. The only time we have sex is when she is drunk or high. Im quite a nice guy and i just feel like shes taking the **** but i dont want to ruin my sons chances of a mum and dad to grow up with. Is there anyone who thinks that im not the one with the problem?

[Goodsoulette]

Of course you aren't the on with the problem. Are you sure she is just using at night. Its addictive, she may have a problem.

Time to start making ultimatums I think. Its only going to cost you your relationship otherwise.

[TAH1612]

thanks for youre reply. yeah just at night shes using. shes had problems in the past with it and her son went into care. thought she had changed. i even went to court with her to try and get her son back to live with us. at first we just done a little bit to give us abit of energy but its just getting progressively worse. Especially since we got married. Its like she think she can do what she wants because were married and i just cant up and leave. Starting to regret everyhitng i have done for her. Including the 18 month court battle for her kid from another father. Just that says im not a bad guy. Its like she doesnt give a **** about me or our son. Just about going out and getting hammered. We havent even been having sex recently , even when shes plastered. Cant help but feel she aint got any interest in me and that she doesny fancy me in the slightest. I cant mention sex coz if i do it becomes longer before we do coz she says it puts her off if it gets brought up. Shes says to let it happen naturally but if i dont mention it it becomes months with nothing. She doesnt like kissing either and says it for teenagers. I think i need out but deep down i still love her and ive got our son to think about. courts always in favour of the mother rather than the father. pls reply. Im avery very loving guy and this isnt the life i wanted. HELP!!!!

[Preggie_Sam]

First off all sounds like you need a hug lol - Have you sat down at talked about this? She has a baby to also think about - as well as you!! We all need affection & to feel loved - sounds like she thinks she's still in teenage years - and whats all that about - kissing is only for teenages!! If im being honest - it seems shes not where you are, and you basically need to say - we either talk and work through it together - OR i walk with the baby!! I no it must seem like you cant walk because you love her - but you cant stay just for the sake of a baby - You want your baby to have both parents - but hes already only got 1 parent - if he other is off out doing coke! Try and talk to her without mentioning sex then if she feels she cant be open about it..

Good Luck, let us no how you get on..

Sam x x x x

[milliezoe]

As i have already said you do not have a choice in this if she is not prepared to seek help then you must walk away all you are doing in staying with her is enabling her to continue her addiction ask her to go to the doctors for help go with her and tell the doctor the whole story maks sure the doctor will have time to listen to you by booking a double appointment time if she refuse help then cut your losses and leave her i know this sounds harsh but its the only thing you can do good luck

[TAH1612]

thank you all for your answers. you all seem to think the same as me. preggiesam seems to be on exactly the same wavelength. Are you still preggers? good luck. hope all goes well for you. i dont always go on about sex with her. its not worth the grief. I have tried talking to her and mentioning that she might have a problem but she just gets her back up coz shes high. If i mention it the next day she says shes sorry and that she just wants to forget about it. its not that easy though. Im not a saint by any means but i have been and past the stage of going out and getting slaughtered. thers other things to think about now. i didnt have a good childhood and i dont want my son to be the same. i want to give him the best i possibly can.

[TAH1612]

i do need a big hug and to feel loved again. long time before i see that again. :-( all this to sort out first. needs must though. for my son.

[olly8080]

where did my answer go??

[TAH1612]

she says kissing is only for teenagers and that shes to old to be snogging. its disgusting!! the kissing or ME? !!!!!!! Ive never heard that before and i have had my fare share of relationships.

[Preggie_Sam]

Everyone needs a hug - lol yes im 29 weeks pregnant!! Im normally on "family - Pregnancy" i ask loads of questions on there lol x

[TAH1612]

Think its time to listen to all your advice that you have sent. Been what ive been thinking for awhile. Just hard to do it. Moving and the kid, just soooooooooooo much to do. Aint even done anything to deserve it. Im a really nice guy!!! Faithfull and honest.

[TAH1612]

ill look you up preggie sam. do you know what your having? i have a little boy and hes soooo cute. hes a spitting image of me. Feel lucky that i have him at the moment.

[Preggie_Sam]

Yeah im having a girl, i had a 4d scan my pics are on my myspace site which is

www.myspace.com/leilani29

[TAH1612]

is the father around??? so good for kids to have two parents. will look you up on myspace.

[Preggie_Sam]

Yeah hes around - broke up a few times over the pregnancy as it wasent planned - so taking everyday as it comes lol men

[blu3wave]

Clearly, your wife has a problem. A massive one. She may think its all fun to do drugs for a night out but you can't just get on and off drugs whenever you want, the addiction will stay for life and only get worse over time, unless she seeks help! Yeah, maybe all her friends are doing it and its great fun for a couple of hours or a night out but think long term.... is this how she sees herself in another 5 years time? Would this be the biggest achievement of her life in her younger years when she could have done so much more?? I think you should really push her to think it over or consider leaving her otherwise.... it could be she feels she can do whatever she wants as long as she has someone to come back to at the end of the night.

And don't do drugs just for her sake, you are just showing her its ok to do it, which its not!! It wouldnt help matters if you got addicted yourself coz then you're both well screwed.

[minime123]

TAH1612,
U deserve a medal for putting up with that. She has to think about her baby before herself. Hope for her sake she get's some help and realise's wat a gem of a husband she has before it's to late. Hope all work's out for all of u's.

Try speaking to her family maybe they could help to talk to her.

All the best, take care of ur wee baby.

[Reverandfunk]

Without meaning to sound harsh, didn't you know all this before you married her?