Insecurities

[wisewomen]

How do we overcome relationship insecurities?

(doing a bit of research for a course im doing, hope everyone doesnt mind)

[jane1098]

communication. lots of talking. getting to know each other. trusting oneanother. any time insecurities set in make sure its talked about. if still insecure about the relationship then it not the one for you. once you've established trust your insecurities should vanish.

[radiogaga]

yes i agree, i don't honestly think a couple can do enough talking!
then as jane1098 said they should vanish.

[4gottenabout]

stalk them for a while :-) Nah I'm just joking I agree with others talk and dont listen to gossip

[4gottenabout]

Although having confidence in yourself also helps, some people no matter how much they talk to their partners get paranoid for no reason

[tiny e.a]

Yep, agree communication is important. A person should feel free to tell their partner of insecurities they mat harbour and should also listen to a partners insecurities without getting pi$$ed off by them.

However, I also think the individuals in the relationship should have some kind of coping mechanism without having to depend on constant talks with a partner to overcome insecurities, some people are particularly insecure and it doesn't matter how much talking and understanding the partner does with them, they will get pi$$ed off by eventually.

Relationship insecurities are the same as any other insecurity, they are there because someone lacks confidence, therefore I believe the best thing a person can do in a relationship is build up their own confidence as an individual, which will lead to less relationship insecurities!

[sophie_1003]

I don't think insecurities always disappear but hopefully if you communicate with your partner enough they'll be able to make you feel better about these insecurities when they arise. For example, I get paranoid that my boyfriend doesn't like spending time with me, in the whole time I've been with him (5 years) this has never completely gone away but I've always told him it's jusr me being paranoid, nothing he's doing wrong so when I mention anything about it he will immediately say things and give me cuddles to make me feel better.

[wisewomen]

Thanks for all your answers, been really helpful.

Thanks

[Sasha13]

I love the way that everyone says if you have relationship insecurites it's because you lack confidence.

Rubbish. It can be a number of things - two other examples

Past experience - your own and that of your partner. i.e. if they've cheated on you before you may be worried they will again.

Media - we are constantly forced images of people having affairs/hiding things from their partners - just watch Eastenders or read Take a Break.

You could be the most confident person in the world and still have insecurities. Being confident doesn't stop a partner of 20 years walking out on their family, or the worry that they might.

One way to overcome relationship insecurities? Honeytrap 'em. That'll tell you all you need to know. Devious? Maybe, but if the person being honeytrapped has no intention of being unfaithful, then they have nothing to worry about, do they??

[4gottenabout]

then surely you're not confident in yourself you just pretend to be

[taperface]

I agree with 4gottenabout - If you're confident in yourself and have love and trust in your partner, then insecuties fail to materialise. Also, factors such as being hurt in the past, should have no bearing on a new relationship, as you live and learn. We all get hurt at some stage, but you learn to move on. If you still feel insecure after that, you're either not ready for another relationship, or you have deep-seated problems yourself.

[taperface]

Legend - your answers are more sensible than your questions.