my Nan and my down syndrome uncle.

[confused79]

I'll try to keep this as short as i can.

Went to see my nan on saturday i haven't seen her in ages. She is quite poorly, she has always since i was a baby been paralised down her right side.

Basically now she is doubly inconitnent and cannot do nothing for herself any more, she is hoisted and has 3 carers a day. She lives with my two uncles who never left home. One uncle is a normal working man. My other uncle is down syndrome who is lovely.

My Nan's carers had to report some bruising they found on her face from ear to ear. She is saying she doesn;t know how she got them, so me, my mum and my auntie were there this saturday and seperatly asked my uncle who is normal about it, he says he doesnt know, my nan says she doesn't know, but she is always confused she always repeats herself and im sure she has dementia.

We asked my uncle with downs syndrome if he knew and he said he didnt, but about 10 mins later he kept repeating to himself 'i mustn't say a word' over and over, we cannot always get sense out of him as of him having downs syndrome. We are sure that if anybody would have marked my nan it may have been him, as he doesn't know his own strength. Living with her constantly must be a strain for a normal person let alone how my down syndrome uncle deals with it.

My problem now is the Adult protection Social Services are going to do, i do already know how they work as i work within this field but a different borough, if nothing is proven then they cannot do anything. Im now worried for my nan and what to do for the best for her.

My uncle is a lovely man and wouldnt hurt any one meaning to and he does love my nan, how can we deal with this, short of taking my nan away which i know she wont leave her home.

[China Doll]

Could the uncle who does not have downs keep more of an eye on what is going on at home?

Also, what about the carers? Have they reported seeing anything?

Perhaps you could arrange some respite care for your uncle with downs? So that he has a break from the situation at home?

Or is there someone else he could stay with for a while if you think the situation with your nan has become too much for him?

[Octavius]

Are you not making a big leap from some bruising to physical abuse? Some people bruise easily and particularly old people and this could have been caused by anything, or even, heaven forbid, by mishandling or abuse itself. But you might be jumping the gun a bit.

It might have been caused by an accidental fall or similar, and this may lead to speculation that the (two) uncles are incompetent at caring for her and they do not want to appear that way to the professional carers, or the nan had a trip and is too embarrassed to admit this to the carers through fear of being taken away, who knows?? Might this be the reason the uncle with Downs has been told to keep shtum?

I think that you should let the professionals deal with their side, but try and keep in regular contact and show genuine concern for the family and your nan. Go and meet them if poss to see what they think, show how supportive you can all be with regards to your nan and that you all only want what is best for her. I know it may sound harsh, but given the circumstances, perhaps 24 hour professional care may be better for all concerned, if that is the only way forward.

[confused79]

My uncle without the downs is hardly there during the day as he works and spends alot of time at the social club on weekends, we was thinking of respite care for my nan but she point blankly refuses. my uncle freaks out if he is taken away, my auntie was staying there for the weekend so could keep an eye on things, but its the times in between which im worried about, when the carers are not there.

I feel so useless, and would hate for anything to happen that could have been prevented.

[Psychick]

Is it possible that your uncle with downs has seen something happen and been told he mustnt tell anyone? This could explain him repeating the fact that he mustnt say a word.

Im not judging or trying to blame anyone, but is there a chance it all got too much at one point for your other uncle and he snapped? Or maybe it was one of the carers? It may just be from a simple accident but your uncles are too scared to say anything in case they get blamed or your nan gets put into a home.

[Hellyon]

Does your Downs Uncle have a someone who monitors him who could gently talk to him to find out what he knows? Psychik is right - if he saw something he may be too scared to say anything but what he knows may be important. It's possible your Nan injured herself and told him not to tell anyone, having worked with the elderly I know they can be devils at covering up incidents that may show people they are not coping as well as they want people to think.

[confused79]

Me my mum and auntie seem to think someone has held her by her face, i know elderly bruise easily as i too work within social services.

[saxy_jag]

Have you spoken to his brother about this? Maybe a quiet chat about your concerns. I'm sure that if he's finding life hard (which I suspect he is), then he would be glad to know that he has support from you. However these bruises have been caused, it's highlighted a potential problem that needs to be dealt with before anything more serious happens.

Now is the time, if he isn't already, for your uncle with Downs to be getting help himself. He is, himself, a vulnerable adult and his future without his mother needs to be considered.

You could perhaps begin by you and your 'normal' uncle having a chat with the family GP. He or she can help you to find a way of encouraging your other uncle to get out into the community. Perhaps a day centre or a social club one afternoon a week, where the activities distract him from the stress of being out of the house.

Also, have you contacted the Downs Syndrome Association - http://www.downs-syndrome.org.uk/DSA_lstLitera ture.aspx

They have a number of fact sheets to download that may helpful.

[confused79]

thanks saxy_jag thats helpful.

[daffy654]

I have had quite a lot to do with people who have downs syndrome. I have found that when trying to get true answers from them it helps to give an example of the behaviour. If you were to describe to him a situation where someone might become stressed and lash out ,he might admit that he has done this. You have to also explain that although the behaviour is wrong he isn't going to be punished for it,but may get some help in coping with his mum.

[Lonnie]

I myself have quite a bit to do with handicapped people, as my daughter is Autistic, and I must agree with Psychick on this, it sounds like he;s been told not to say anything, and from the sound of it, it doesn't look likely your nan has told him this, so I would look around at all the people she has contact with.