How do I leave?

[Tara999]

How do I leave a controlling partner ? I love him desperately but cannot continue living with his behaviour, he wont seek help and is extremely clever and manipulative, Im so tired of it - but how do I tell him Im leaving ? I dont want to hurt him but at the same time I need to start living my life again....I am in such a mess and dont know who I am anymore. I have my own house which is rented out for just 6 months, it will be ready to move into in december and I cant wait to be on my own again, my own space, not to have to keep looking over my shoulder and think twice about what i say, what i do, where i go, how i dress.....I cant beleive I have let myself be drawn into this and treated this way.

[Sweetie77]

A few years ago now I was in the same situation. My partner wouldn't let me learn to drive, engineereed it so we ended up living miles away from my family with bad public transport so I had to rely on him for everything. When I made the decision to leave him it was terrifying because in spite of all that I still loved him. But I knew I had to leave so I moved back to my Parents and now I am so glad all these years later I had the courage because it made me a stronger and better person

Good luck!

[Tara999]

He is trying to cut me off from all my friends and family and even his own family! He critiscises what I wear all the time, hates me having a mobile phone, when he comes into my work office he scrutinizes my desk for hints and clues of other men - emails...etc...I dont text anyone anymore as his reaction far outweighs the crime. I cant do anything, we were out last night and a strange guy looked at me smiled and winked - I didnt know him at all yet my partner accused me of leading this guy on and that I stare at people all the time. He has stabbed me in the leg and threatened to glass me in the face. Yet he would do anything for me, everything for me, tells me I am his world, says he cant live without me, I am phsically and mentally drained.

[Sasha13]

Read your last post again.

He would do anything for you, but has stabbed you in the leg?

You owe this man nothing.

If you can manage financially, I would get somewhere else to live sorted first. Pack what you need to take when he isn't around. Leave him a note telling him you've gone.

I say again - you owe this man nothing. Do you want to waste years of your life on him? Would you want him to father your children?

He loves being in control of you. He doesn't love you. If he did, he would be incapable of hurting you.

Please leave before it's too late.

[briar-rose]

December isn't too far away, but it must feel like it! If you have nowhere to go until you can move back into your house, bide your time until you can. If any violence occurs between now and then, call the police immediately, but you must get out. It's easy to say you don't want to hurt the man, but I'm sure you'll be pleased about your decision in year's to come.

[Sasha13]

Missed that bit about December on your post - sorry.

Can you move back with your parents or a friend until then? I really would get out sooner rather than later and December is too far away.

[Tara999]

Why do they do this to us? DO men know they are controlling, do they realise what they do? Why dont they realise? What makes them behave like this ? I love him and I want to help him but I cant, not anymore...its is going to hurt so much to leave finally. But the relief of being in my own house once again is so soothing right now.

[fayelc123]

Can you not stay with a family member or friend until December?
I wouldn't tell him that you're leaving, just pack what you need & go. He doesn't deserve anything from you & as Sasha says, if he loved you he wouldn't hurt you.
I was in a similar situation until 4 months ago, my ex was abusive & controlling with a really bad temper. I left most of my stuff & moved back to my parents. It was the best thing i ever did & i never actually thought that i would be happy again but my life has changed so much for the better now. Please don't believe that he will change or that he loves you, pack your things & get as far away as possible.

[briar-rose]

I agree with you really Sasha, but by the sound of things, Tara must've thought about this too. The obvious suggestion would be to move back home, or stay with a friend, but this might not always be possible. When someone feels at their wits' end, the situation must've already become unbearable, so I'm sure that the poster's looked at the situation from every angle.

[Tara999]

Thank you for all your replies - I have left, several times, stayed with a friend of mine and her husband, but it just didnt feel right, I felt a burden to them, so I went back to him, I missed him though. I dont have any family down here and I guess he likes that power, so have no one to 'run' to. I tell my family about him, but they dont seem bothered. He has told tales about me to his family so they hate me, so we dont even visit them.

[Reverandfunk]

I would leave now

[briar-rose]

Yes - and if your friends are real friends, as I expect they are, you wouldn't be a burden to them. Good luck.

[888sally888]

I agree - leave now with your health - please.

[society]

How many times will you ask us the same question, Tara?

Don't you guys remember this person? They've asked this question several times.

[redcrx]

tara hasnt his dad just died of cancer? Was this happening whilst he was trying to deal with that or was it before his dad was diagnosed.

I'd agree that you need to get away, but try and get him o seek counselling if its all linked up with grief over losing his dad

[kyra16]

tara; for the love of Christ girl leave NOW! this animal has stabbed u in the leg and threatened u how many times? you may think you love him but trust me sweetie you don't. the fact that you have the courage to post this shows hope. leave now
please..for you're sake; hell .. for your life leave
do NOT wait

[twiglet3]

I was nearly strangled by my ex who was just the same as yours. GET OUT NOW! I had to literally escape through a window, just get out anyway you can!

[country_boy]

Don't tar us all with the same brush!
Just get out and bollix to his feelings, if you're too weak to leave then you deserve it.
Life's too short to put up with sh1t like this.
No doubt you'll go back, hope you prove me wrong.