Love is turning into friendship??

[Jemski]

Hi

I am a 28 year old girl who has been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years - to start with we were like bunnies but for the last year we havent had sex. We both go to bed so tired and just end up falling asleep with the TV on, the thing is i dont want to have sex with him.

Its so hard to know what to do as i really do care for him as a best friend and we get on so well. We have two cats and a nice house which i dont want to leave behind.

There is a guy at work who i really fancy and the thought of having sex with him is great - but i dont want to go down the road of having affairs

Has anyone been in this situation?

[tigwig]

Hi Jemski I have been with my husband for 12 years and yes we have a relationship that sounds very much like yours!! We can go weeks and weeks without sex, usually 2-3 months is now becoming the norm for us. Most of time I feel I wouldn't be bothered if I never had sex again but I do occasionally get the urge! He is just as bad and doesn't bother making the efort cos he thinks I don't want to so its a vicious circle and to make it worse we don't even sleep in the same bed any more!! My 3 year old thinks its completely normal! We have just got used to sleeping apart and our relationship is fab in every other way, like you we are the best of friends who occasionally have sex!

[andrea81]

Hmmm I'm not sure if you are in love with him as you say that you 'care' for him. If you love someone then you say it. So I think that you should bring this up with him, he may even feel the same way and you can both decide if it's a friendship you have or a relationship.

Maybe you have both forgotten the 'new' and 'exciting' thing about a relationship. how about leaving sex for the night time bedroom action and think about having a good old bonk out of the blue, just to see how you feel about it!

If no spark then be strong and end it, you can look forward to being with someone you fancy the pants off!

[Ice-Maiden]

Think it depends on the couple concerned. Tiredness, stress - and even disagreements all play a part in how receptive you are. Also, after a time, most relationships lose the inital impetus, and settle down into a less active pattern - but having an affair is never a good idea. Talk to your man, & see if you've outgrown each other or just fallen out of love. If true feelings were there in the first place, it should be quite easy to find out what's gone wrong, and to rekindle the flames of passion, but having an affair is never the answer.

[musicman1956]

From your letter, Jemski, you're bored with him and you crave excitement. He's no more your best friend than the cat, (either of them). Your'e just comfortable and don't want change.You both need to discuss with each other what you want out of the relationship. If you really care for each other, you'd both want each other to be happy. That's not apparent. If you fancy the guy at work, finish with your boyfriend, take one of your cats, leave him one to remember you by and go to this bloke if he's not attached, DON'T BREAK UP A FAMILY. Wake up and smell the coffee.

[Jemski]

I have decided to look into getting a place - what musicman said has really made me think. I am craving excitement and i am to young to settle for something that is comfortable. Its going to be sad and i will be gutted for a while but its best for both of us.

thanks again for your answers - i really appreciate them