text affair??

[DAVE1212]

i am a married man. a girl next door to where i work has been texting me, she got my number from our office notice board as i use my phone for work. to cut a long story short she sent her 1st text 3 months ago, a sms joke. i replied with who's sent it. and it all started from there. when i realised that i was being ni eve i told her to stop texting me. during this time i never replied anything suggestive however i realise i was leading her on. 3 days ago she sent a message saying, hello stranger you ignoring me. anyway i forgot to delete it and my wife found it , asked me what was going on and i told her the truth. i could of told lies and got myself out of a sticky situation but i thought i should be straight. she asked me if i had slept with this girl and i said no. i didnt even fancier her in anyway which i didnt and that i hadn't lade a finger on her. i think she beleves me but she has kicked me out of our family home and i dont know how to get her back. what shall i do??

[georgit79]

I think kicking you out was going a bit far...did she kick you out based on this one text that she read, or did you tell her more? What exactly did you tell her about this girl? And how were you leading this girl on if you didn't send any suggestive texts? I'm going to need some more info!

[undercovers]

Start lying!!! i can't believe you told the truth, if you love someone you have two options either tell them everything AS SOON AS IT HAPPENS (the better option) or tell small white lies and protect their feelings (the more realistic option), do you think she's happy at the moment, I appricate that you did nothing wrong but you have put yourself in a very compromising situation... depending on what you have already told her I think your only option is to stop apologising tell her you have never been unfaithful and that just because you have had a few silly conversations with a female friend does not give her the right to over react by chucking you out... you will then need to regain her trust, be open about your mobile bills and calls (take them in her presence when possible) prove that you are still interested and happy with her by spending the majority of your time with her (see i have no time for an affair!!) and be prepared for her to react by trying to punish you for a while

[becks]

Hi Dave, Blimey kicking you out seems harsh, there's not much you can do other than reassuring your wife how this girl got your number, and why she was texting you. The fact that the text says "youn ignoring me?" suggests that you didn't reply to her messages. I don't think lying will work now that you're told the truth which is very commendable of you anyway. Wait until the dust settles, change your number, tell your wife that you love her and will do everything to show her this. There is nothing you can do until she is willing to listen and you'll have to wait unitl that time and work hard. Does she not trust you? I think that is an important issue to bring up - have you done something before? I really hope this works out for you, good luck.

[Lal]

yes Dave I think we need more info... if you have never done anything before then when has she reacted so badly? if it was me i would be quite annoyed at my wife for taking it so badly and not trusting me... you can let the dust settle but when it settles you probably will be so glad that you wont bother to confront the trust/lack of trust issue. get it all out in the open now....

[New Forester]

I wonder why your wife was looking at your texts? Was she already suspicious about something? Another point is that jealousy does not need to be about a sexual relationship. Does your wife perhaps feel that you have a type of friendship with this woman which you don't have with her? If your wife is so ready to chuck you out, it sounds as if there may be other issues -- either (as has been suggested) previous things you've done, or perhaps her own insecurity, or poor anger management by you or her or both. Or has she perhaps just accused you of the wrong crime? How about counselling? That could provide a controlled neutral situation allowing you both to explore what is really going on without it escalating into the sort of situation you have now. Think of the counsellor as a trained referee. Good luck.

[Lindy Loo]

I agree with what's been said by the others and the more I've thought about it, the more I've wondered why your wife has reacted so badly, if everything has been ok within your relationship. Call it female intuition, but I have a feeling there is more going on within your relationship than just an undeleted text message. As New Forester said, what made your wife look at your text messages? I'm puzzled about a few things though.... Why is it necessary to have your phone number on the office wall? How did this girl get hold of if? Why did she take your number and not someone elses? Does this girl work for the same company? If not, what was she doing in your office anyway? There is obviously alot that need to be sorted out, but I hope that you get back on track soon.

[twiglet4frog]

fancy leaving evidence, u muppett!!! best thing to do is to go round and tell the wife u need to talk, that u are very sorry for what u have done but u dont know the girl for more than a few txts that started and finished as a joke, that you havent txted her when things got too far (hence the why u ignoring me) and that u have every right to be in ur own home. If ur telling the truth and u didnt do anything with her and then ended it when it got heavy then she has a problem far more than a lack of trust, i think this is ur wifes excuse to show the real problems in ur marriage, least u can do is to buy a new sim card with new number and give ur wife the old one to do as she wishes with it!! Next time ur gonna have fun on the side, destroy all evidence and dont do it where the missus can catch u, and if u do decide to be a bit naughty then at least go the whole hog and get something out of it cos seems to me u have lost it all over nothing!!!

[secretspirit]

Be honest and tell you were very, very stupid but you realised your mistake before anything happened and you were the one that ended it (even though 'it' was nothing much). To show your wife you're serious - because it will take a while for the trust to come back - type out a clear message to the girl telling her enough is enough and let you wife read it and see you send it. Then let your wife have custody of your phone in the evenings or when you're at home to show you have nothing to hide. Some people might disagree with me on this but you do have to earn trust back and a bit of humiliation and grovelling will not do you any harm.

[Sifter1978]

dont think she does believe you. if she did, she's effectively kicked you out of the house for nothin.

[gerry]

Do you both share the mobile phone?.If not what's your wife going thorough your phone in the first place?.What right does she have to do that?. If she believed you then she wouldn't have kicked you out of the house.

[Lal]

Hello DAVE1212 Can you please let us know what happened.. more background etc.. One thing I will say is when i cheated on someone - I got totally paranoid about them cheating one me... Did ya think of that?

[becks]

Lindyloo, just wanted to say that my mobile number is on a sheet at work in case people need to get hold of me on my day off. Dave said that this is a work mobile number so i don't think it's unusual for a mobile number to be available. It's interesting to read more of these responses - i hadn't even thought about why his wife was reading them but that makes an interesting point. Come on Dave, have you got an update or more info so we can help you?

[georgit79]

I'm sorry Dave1212 this post isn't going to help much, but I've just noticed that I replied in reference to a rather hurtful remark someone left you about posting your question in capital letters. Instead of just removing the offender's post, the Editor also removed mine and changed yours to small font! What exactly is wrong with capital letters, Mr Editor?

[Posting in ALL CAPS is taken by many to be shouting - and therefore rude. It's also much harder to read. - AB Editor]

[georgit79]

Come on Dave, you have to let us know how it's going! We're all on tenterhooks!

[DAVE1212]

dear georgit 79 dave 12 12 here, after reading all your advice i went round to MY home and demanded that we speak (last night) it didnt work but and was totally ignored all evening but i was allowed to stay on the couch! result! today we have talked things through and she has lost a lot of trust but it will come back over time... ...so thanks guys through reading all your advice and using all the bits i found helpfull i seemed to of saved my marriage.

[simonb92]

This is a really tricky situation! This female is basically harassing you and of course, could potentially lead to your wife leaving you so i would take immediate action by confronting this female just outside of your workplace and tell her how she has ruined your home life. If she cannot understand this then go to your boss and report her for harassment. You don't want to be over reactive but speak to her clearly and make sure she gets the message! After that you could try changing your mobile no.(although i know in an office environment, where it is important clients etc. know your no.it may be a great inconvenience to start and have to tell everyone you have changed your no.) However if this is what it takes then so be it. Good luck

[el duerino]

lmfao some of these things take the ****

[georgit79]

I'm glad to hear it Dave1212- I'm sure I speak for everyone here when I say, 'Good luck and don't give up without a fight!'