What to do for the best??

[Sindylou]

My ex partner keeps ringing up to ask if he can come and see our son and then fails to turn up. This has been going on for 2 years and I feel that he is taking the mickey out of me. I have always tried to keep the relationship going between them and have been accommodating when he has shown. My son is nearly 6 now and I never tell him that his Dad is coming but the other week, my ex actually said to his face that he would take him out the next day and didnt show, that little boy was in tears come the afternoon and it made me very angry. I sent ex a text after another no show on Sunday telling him not to bother coming round again, that he didnt deserve such a great kid (which he is) and that he was a cr*p father. He sent one back saying "U slappa"!! which I thought was an absolutely pathetic response. I dont think I should inflict such a person on my son, he is a violent idiot and we are well shot of him, but is it really up to me to decide all this and deny my son a "so called" Dad. Any thoughts would be much appreciated!!

[Ice-Maiden]

Awww...this is so unfair on your little boy. If his father is as bad as you say, I think you'd be doing everyone a favour to deny him access until - or if - he changes his tune and sees what he's doing to the poor child. There are lots of great men out there, and I think you deserve better than you've had.

[confused79]

He sounds like a right w@**er, but he needs to realise this himself, he CANNOT say this to his son and just not turn up, did he not speak to his son and say the reason he didnt turn up, i know how heartbreaking it is to tell your son he is not coming you have to tell him, i have been in this situation and my sons have then blammed me.

I wouldnt say dont LET him see your son again as everone drums in my head that my sons will hate me for it when theya re older, but i know that you cant MAKE someone do something i.e him see your son and keep to his promises, have you any court order that is arranged or is it just between you two, you should give him an altimatum saying 'you either stick to regular times each week or dont btoher atall as you are messing your sons life up!'

[gina32]

i think you should see a solicitor as soon as you can, as much as you hate this man its not always up to the parent who the child see's, keep dates and times of the shows and no shows and any other info concerning him and give this to your solicitor, you may have to go to cafcass and work it out with them, they will make arrangements for them both to meet at a neutral place and in the company of some sort of authority, usually from cafcass, hope this helps http://www.cafcass.gov.uk/ have a look here

[Sindylou]

Thanks for your responses, a great help. There are no official arrangements in place, I have just left it so that he would call and see if he could come round. I would really like to try and meet someone decent but I have been worried that ex will frighten him off (he is a nasty bully and control freak). I have kept a diary for the last 2 years of every incident so I could give them to a solicitor if need be. It shows him to be an absolute nightmare at times!!
I dont want son to blame me when he is older - how do you say your Dad's been a let down and is slightly deranged, you cant can you?

[kath99]

I won't give you advice, just tell you about my friend, her son, and his father.....
I watched this similar scenario happen to my friend's son when he was young and like you, she put up with it for the sake of the child.
Well - he's 21 now, and has a very good relationship with his father. He remembers being let down, and he remembers the tears and panic. But he doesn't let it get in the way of the relationship he now has with his father. His father was a fool, a young selfish fool - he didn't know how to relate to the child, but since the child eventually becomes a young adult (about 12, these days!!) he was able to develop a different, more adult relationship. They are both happy, and the young man has a great mum who brought him up very well adjusted indeed. Good luck to all of you!