sexual experience.

[baremission]

help. i dont know whats wrong with me.
Im an 18 year old girl...ive had quite limited sexual experience and im at uni at the moment. tonight me and a guy ive been mates with since we got here 2 weeks ago were in my bed together....nothing really happened..because i wasnt sure and stuff. But i dont know why i wasnt sure...he was pretty nice about it but i could tell that obviously he was a bit ****** off. so he left...and now i feel like...a bit weird...like i really wasnt feeling like doing anything..am i just fridgid or what?

im so confused...i dont know what to do when this situation arrises again...how can i feel differently about sex? the idea just scares the hell out of me at the moment.

please...opinions..be honest but don't insult.

thanks in advance

[slid_away]

If he really likes you, then he will not put any pressure on you. If you both can lay together without having to think about having sex that is good.
When I first had sex, I did not feel there was any rush for it to happen and I was really not bothered about trying to get my end away. In fact it was the girl who asked my to get protection so we could have sex. If she had not have asked I could have waited for months without trying to force the issue.
Does this help at all?

[baremission]

he wasn at all forcefull..he was fine about it..but stilll...i feel like therse something wrong with me for feeling liek i dont want it.

[slid_away]

There is nothing wrong with you. Take your time, let it feel right, that way you will both enjoy it more.
You met him 2 weeks ago, give yourself time to get to know him before you think about sex.

[dundurn]

OK, I can remember being 18. Some days it feels like the 40 years it's been and others it could be yesterday. We are all different. There's no one right time for sex, but there are definitely wrong times, and if you're not sure then listen to yourself. If the guy is worth anything he'll understand.

Being mates is sometimes undervalued and can be permanently damaged by making a relationship a sexual one. I'm assuming at this point you're aware of all the little hazards life and this modern world has put in our way; pregnancy, STDs etc so I won't go on about them, but there's another possible casualty and that's self-respect.

Sex is scary - and fun - like a lot of other exciting things - but it's also a pretty serious step. Would you trust your life halfway up a mountain or falling out of a plane to someone you'd known only for a couple of weeks? I would suggest you make sure of your feelings, and his, over quite a bit more time before taking things further.

I've just re-read this and it sounds really pretentious - I didn't mean it to be. The human race has stayed in existence up till now largely because most of us find sex extremely enjoyable - I'm sure you will too when you're ready.

[888sally888]

Your not frigid and you shouldnt feel weird either.

I admire you for being true to your feelings and not having sex with him for the sake of it.

He probably left due to frustration more than anything which also means he is a nice bloke too. If its meant to be let it happen when you feel ready.

Long term he will respect you for having morals!!

Dont change who you are or how you behave - just be you and enjoy uni. Good luck! Sal x

[dolly pond]

bless u, its only been 2 weeks! relax and get to know him more, i wouldnt get naked with my bloke until i`d got to know him really well, and made sure i really fancied him full on first! enjoy all your friends and if hes not right then someone else will tickle your fancy xx

[river]

chill...you bdont have to jump into bed with everyone plus you're only 2 weeks into uni. Dont go getting yourself a name.

My advice forget about the bloke if he likes you he'll still be around a couple of months down the line and worry about that then. but for the time being take a trip to Ann Summers invest in a vibrating friend (personally recommed the new Wave) and find out what you like first try things out and go from there. you need to be comfortable with yourself before anyone else can be.

Enjoy uni and stay out of trouble!...take your time

[baremission]

thanks very much for all the advice- i feel a bit better about it now.
Im just going to leave it for now and see what happens...you're right im allowed to have my morals.

thanks again.

[Skreecheeboy]

Just sounds like you weren't in the mood. Wouldn't let it bother me luv. I suspect he's pretty inexperienced too. Wait and see what happens. It's not the be all and end all MTV makes it out to be to you impressionable young upstarts!

[Skreecheeboy]

River, you can't go around recommending vibrating fake dicks to everyone. They are the lazy fat girl's number one option for staying in and not doing anything about teaming up with a partner of the opposite sex. Remember it takes 2 to tango and this complacency of women's is ruining the whole playing field for us men. Get off your @rses and stop frigging ruining it for single blokes ffs!

[Skreecheeboy]

Ok, sorry, can somebody please pass me my dummy, rattle and teddy bear back please? I'm finished my tantrum! But I won't back down from what I was saying, I just think I could have worded it better!

[VillageVicar]

First, your emotions and concerns are quite normal for a young person. It might be comforting to know (perhaps not) that the boy could have been as confused as you were, but didn�t have the capacity to express himself adequately and instead allowed his own frustration to pass on to you.

It�s fascinating how our minds, instincts and bodies have been made to respond to moments that are �right.� Had you both set aside the nervousness of what to do, what everyone else does and what each of you expects the other to do, and replaced it with simple tenderness, you may have found that things came out quite differently.

The idea of warm embraces, cuddles, spooning and gentle caresses are highly underrated by today�s youth. Much of this comes from lack of experience and, if I may, a shifting paradigm where people are more �me me� focused, instead of the act and art of giving to others.

By no means should you have trepidation over your physical intimacy. May I offer a thought that through gentleness, caresses, a coming to know one another, will naturally lead to a greater understanding of one another�s needs and desires. It is then when those glowing embers of youthful discovery will move to the pulsating flames of passion.

I hope this provided a modicum of positive thought for you.

Fr Bill

[baremission]

thank you...that was actually most insightful! theres nothing wrong with spooning your right.