divorce

[mrstrunchbul]

can anyone please offer me some advice. my husband had an affair in june & we separated he told me i could have the money in the savings &could keep the house which has no mortgage for all he put me through. but between june & august he has beaten me 4 times twice in front of the kids the police know of 1 occasion cos my 11 year old rang them & that was cos i stayed out overnight.. he has also smashed up my home.. well 3 wk ago he asked me for half of our savings cos the money was in my name, so i handed over his money to stop any trouble. well yesterday he told me he is divorcing me and he wants �50,000 and i keep the house which is worth �200,000 & he pays for the divorce so i agreed yet again cos i have no fight left in me & want some security for myself & my 2 children & i thought it was a good deal to get him out my life . but speaking to a friend last night she said im doing the wrong thing & i should be divorcing him cos if he divorces me the ball will be in his court & he could fight me for the house. so i told him im going to see a solicitor today & see about divorcing him for adultery & naming his girlfriend who might i add is his step sister & he went crazy saying i had a good deal & i have blown it he is going to take me to the cleaners & leave me with nothing & said i have no proof in what he has done, & he has now threatened to stop my maintenance till i agree to him divorcing me. he said if he gets divorce papers from me he will never sign them & that he started proccedings first so i have to sign his. can anybody tell me if i have to sign the divorce papers & should accept his offer & let him divorce me & let him pay or can i still divorce him & take a chance on losing everything. im so confused as i know nothing about law & what im entitled to. so please can someone offer me some much needed advice im at breaking point.

[miacat]

Oh you poor, poor thing! I think he know's very well that he's better off divorcing you or otherwise he wouldn't care who was doing what - I'm afraid I can't give legal advice (Because I don't know, not because I don't want to!) so I suggest posting this in law where others may be more helpful but I'm sending out big hugs to you and your children - I hope everything goes ok for you. (Oh,by the way, STEP-SISTER? yuk!)

[mycats]

STOP! Go to a solicitor, it doesnt make ANY difference who divorces who. You have the children and are in the marital home, you're going nowhere. This bully is bluffing because he is panicing - he is losing the control and scum like that cant handle that.
Get an interdict to stop him coming near you, change the locks and tell the police whats going on, it will help if you have to phone them.
He can refuse to sign the papers all he likes, the VERY longest it will take then is two years then it will go through whether he contests it or not.
Get to a solicitor now and get legally seperated in case he runs up any debts, from the date of the legal seperation you wont be held jointly responsible.
Good luck hon, you have done the hardest bit, its just patience and courage now and it will end one day x

[mrstrunchbul]

thank you both for your replies. i went to see a solicitor and she said he can never get me out of my home or force me to sell so im glad i went for piece of mind. the ball is now in my court not his and im divorcing him. i will keep u posted on whats happening. regards tracey

[sense4all]

You need to go to the police station and talk to the bods. who work in the domestic violence unit . This guy has proven history and they can give you a priority contact number/code to send a unit quickly when he kicks off, do it for your kids if not yourself. They should be spared from worrying about your safety every time he knocks or visits. Guess the guilt wore off and the greed kicked in ... what a pillock he is.

[flolo]

Wow this could be me talking. I was abused "in every way possible "by my husband for years. I eventually plucked up the courage and left him .I went to Womens Aid.I was so used to doing everything I was told I signed my house over to him and walked away with only the clothes I had on.My lawyer told me I was an idiot but I was in such a bad way I couldnt think straight. Dont let that happen to you . You are worth much more.Get proper legal advice and take him to the cleaners.Anyway ive got my life in order again and couldnt be happier. You WILL be ok Be strong. I wish I could give you a hug XXXXX

[mrstrunchbul]

hi guys just thought i would keep you informed on the progress of my impending divorce. well right now my soon to be ex has been issued papers been contacted by the csa.he is a stupid man i told him i didnt want the kids to go near auntie deb at the moment cos its too soon and they have seen and heard enough but he couldnt keep them away so not only have my kids been to her house they have gone through the torture of hearing them having sex.. not only at night but during the day when they were in his care.and when my 11 yr old told her dad it was making her cry he told her to shut the hell up. he even told the kids dont tell mum about going to her house. my kids have kept that secret for 4 wk and now its out they have begged me not to let him take them again. he then told me i cant stop him taking the kids to her house so i asked my soliciter if that was true and she said i am in my rights to stop them going. he is slowly being destroyed by the loss of respect from his children. i wish with all my heart the kids never had to go through all that they have but justice will soon be done.

[flolo]

If your children are old enough, and I would reckon the 11 year old is I think they can choose if they wanted to go or not. I would fight through hell or high water so my children were not subjected to his vile way of life again. They sound like a right pair of Cretins(your husband and his girlfriend)He sounds as if he is trying to score poins from you cos he knows it is upsetting you. I would say cut off all contact with him except through your soliciror.Good Luckx

[mrstrunchbul]

hi flolo im passed all that upset now cos i now realise what a ******** he really is and that i had a lucky escape and his darling sister is most welcome to him. its my poor kids i feel for cos they loved him so much but he aint even rang them this week to see how they are. my 9 year old last night asked me if i would get married again so he can have a new dad. it upset me a lot cos he idolised his daddy. but my ex will soon realise what he has done to them when they end all contact and its going to happen but he brought it on himself with his stupidity.

[flolo]

I can only begin to imagine how how you feel. I know you are hurting for your children. You have probably had all the advice you can take, but it is true that time is a healer and just now your head is all over the place but I can assure you you will look back next year and wonder why you let the pair of creeps get under your skin.You will come out of this a stronger person. He and his bit on the side probably wont last much longer and who will have the last laugh then.? You sound like a great caring mum and your children will pull you through all this. Kids are more resiliant than you probably think and they will see that mum is the one thats always been there for them. If he tries to force the isue and wants the children to go and see him. take him to court . No judge in the land is going to force two children who are obviously able to voice an opinion ,do something they dont want to do.. Good luck Im behind you all the way x