Have you ever

[4getmenot]

been unable to help a friend. I have this friend who is so down at the moment and I dont know what to do to cheer her up, I hate seeing her upset about her life.

[bigmamma]

Awww , 4get honey , sometimes you feel helpless , but you can be sure that just being there to listen and share their problems is a great strength to someone. I am certain that having you as their friend is a blessing love . (( hug )). :-)
xxx

[4getmenot]

Thaks Bigmamma, my mates a great laugh but she puts ona front when out and when we chat she gets so upset about things. I just dont know how to help her. I could say come on lets go out and get drunk on the town, but she'd just be the same the next day

[4getmenot]

sorry didnt mean to thack you there. I meant Thanks xx

[Panic Button]

Surely you are helping by being a friend and listening.

[redcrx]

you probably are helping her more than you realise just by being a friend. x

[4getmenot]

I know, but I;d just like to see her happy.

[warpig3]

Sometimes people just need to work through life's troubles. I went throught a very bad time many years ago and my friends couldn't help me directly, they couldn't fix it but indirectly they did help, they listened, they supported, they were there for me. I knew they couldn't fix my troubles but with their support and understand I was able to get through them. Just being there is sometimes as much as you can do.

[4getmenot]

thanks warpig, I guess you're right. Its not just one thing thats troubling her so I guess she just cant sort it just like that.

[warpig3]

Hmmm, that the problem with life 4get, it is never just one thing, its always a feast or a famine. Usually when it is lots of things the very thought of them is overwhelming. Would it possible (for you initially without her knowledge) to write down everything individually and look at them as separate problems, have a think about each one and see if there is some solution to each without looking at them collectively? (that is assuming that they aren't interlinked in some way) If, for example, there was a solution to one, then approach her with a suggestion on tackling it, sometimes even the act of being proactive will help. Good luck.

[4getmenot]

Its hard because she kind of keeps herself to herself, as I said she puts on a front and hates people getting involved, she says she's lonely but doesnt want a bloke, she's got money probs so I cant really help with that either

[warpig3]

Ah, thats difficult, if she is a private person then direct help might offend.

There is no doubt that money problems are a huge worry but they can be overcome if addressed sensibly (been there , seen it, done it).

I would be more concerned about her saying she is lonely and yet not wanting anyone. This sounds more like she is depressed, has she spoken to her GP or is she the kind of person who feels that she should 'cope'?