I hate my father

[sweet feckal]

I hate my father. But he is dying, and i do love the good parts of him too. But I blame him for the deaths of my two brothers. Suicides. Should I spend two thousand to go see him. Or what should I do. I feel pained.

[xxlizziexx]

i think that you should go see him. you will regret it if you dont. my dad died when i was only a few years old and if i was older i would wnat to be with him even if he was an idiot sometimes hope this help xx xx

[georgit79]

Yes, see him, if only to ease your own conscience. I really feel for you, but I think in the long run it will be best for both you and your father. Is he to ill to talk to you about everything that's bothering you? I don't have a particularly good relationship with my father, and he has almost died several times in the last couple of years, so I am trying to improve things between us before it's too late. I hope you work things out.

[andy hughes]

My instinct would be, if you don't feel a sense of releif that he will no longer be able to hurt you, and you will be relieved when he is gone, then you should see him. Anything other than a feeling of abject hatred, or even indifference, will lead to a feeling of unfinished business which will stay with you long after your father is gone. You don't have to be looking for some marvellous reconcilliation, just try and make your peace, you'll be glad you did.

[Oneeyedvic]

Just because he is dying, doesn't mean he is suddenly a wonderful person. I also do not get on with my father, and see him as partially responsible for my brothers death (accidental suicide - he was an alcoholic). That said, i haven't really seen my father in 10 years. I speak to my mother every couple of weeks to let her know I am still alive but can't say we have a relationship. If he were to die, to be honest and as sick as it may sound, I really don't think I will care at all. He hasn't been a part of my life for so long that it would be the equivalent of an old school colleague who I haven't seen in 10 years dying. Everyone will tell you that you will regret it if you don't go, but I think you will regret it if you do go. You will be with lots of hypocritical people (noone ever thinks bad of the dead) who will be saying how great he was and how he managed to cope with the death of your brothers etc.... Personally, i say stay away

[dirtyharriet]

I agree. I haven't seen my father in 5 yrs. We were never close. I have heard that he is quite ill, but I shan't be going to see him. I don't care if he IS my father, it doesn't make him a good person or mean that I should forgive all the bad things he has done. If it was a neighbour or a friend's dad you wouldn't be torturing yourself would you? I would say that if you do decide to see him, you should be prepared for all the bad memories from the past to resurface. It is unlikely that this man has had a complete personality change. If he wasn't dying would you want to see him? What do you want to achieve by going to see him? I'm not saying don't see him, just think about it carefully. The fact that you are asking us what you should do says to me that you don't really want to, otherwise you'd already be there. Just because you happened to be related to him, doesn't mean you owe him any loyalty if he hasn't been a good dad to you.

[Jodyc]

If it were me I wouldn't want to leave business unfinished. Has he tried to contact you? Does he feel guilty for the death of your brothers also? I think the least you could do is write a letter. Tell him how you feel and that you do love the good parts of him too. Spending $2000 to see him may make you feel more resentful if you were to get no satisfaction from the visit and think of where else the money could have gone. Sorry if that sounds selfish but to me it is a lot of money. Put yourself in his position and think of the last words you would want to hear from your ?daughter. I feel that my father was involved in the suicide of my brother too, but then at the end of the day, it was my brother decision to take his life. Yet I still tell my father that I love him, and I didn't get a chance to tell my brother that. Hope this helps.

[georgit79]

At the end of the day, it's completely up to you. It's your decision and we shouldn't be trying to sway you either way. The one thing I will say though, is unlike some of the others here who wouldn't see their fathers, you have said that you do love the good parts of him. That leads me to believe that if you let things be, there would be regret in the end. Can you call him? This may be a lot cheaper! That way, you can decide whether or not it will be worth actually spending the money to go and see him.

[Bohne]

It should be YOUR choice, but maybe consider that we all make mistakes, and some of them unfortunately irreversible, no matter how much we regret them. There are things I cannot really forgive my father. He is not a man of many words, but from his actions I can see that he is trying to make up for some of them. And that I can aknowledge.

[mango juice]

Funny as it sounds, somehow I felt that you already knew, from the very start, if you were going to see him or not. Because I assume nobody in this world would tell you not to see your dad now that he's dying, thus you already knew what people would say in response to your question. You just needed to know why you are going to see him, not whether to see him or not. Because all this would be in vain even you met but sent him away with a heart full of anger. Hate is energy sapping, don't do this to him, and don't do this to yourself. Cheers! ^_^

[Oneeyedvic]

Or maybe you think you are in the right and want other people to support you - I do think most people will think that you are awful for not seeing a dying man.... Guilt trips are wonderful things. As I and others have previously said, it is of course up to you. No one here is qualified to give you advice as we know very little about you/your father/your brothers. However, you will find that you have support either way - all the posters have said that you should / should not go. I now think that you need to look to your seld to make the decision - you have support either way.

[druiaghtagh]

I hope whatever you decide its the right thing for YOU,i have unresolved issues from my Mum and she died 20years ago, i wish i could have sorted them out.Only you can decide, i would not try and influence you one way or another, but remeber, there is no going back whatever you decide, good luck sweet ******

[BAYWATCH.COM]

DEAR SWEET ******,

I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH

YOU SAY YOUR DAD IS DYING?HOW IS HE DYING

MY DAD IS DYING BECAUSE  OF HEPATITIS C

IT IS THE MOST DANGEROUS DISEASE IN THE WORLD HE HAS LIKE 3 MORE YEARS TO LIVE

AND I HATE MY DAD TO BUT I DONT UNDERSTAND THE THINGS HE DOES SO I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH

[BAYWATCH.COM]

DEAR DIRTY HARRIT,

DO YOU HATE YOUR FATHER JUST TO LET YOU KNOW YOU WILL REGRET WHAT YOU SAY NOW IKNOW I DO BUT LIFE GOES ON BUT I STILL LOVE MY FATHER

[BAYWATCH.COM]

sweet ******

trust me you do not want to blame your self  for something that was not your choice  i thought about what you had wrote about and when i read  it i thought

about what you had said

baywatch

 

[BAYWATCH.COM]

sweet ******

trust me you do not want to blame your self  for something that was not your choice  i thought about what you had wrote about and when i read  it i thought

about what you had said

baywatch

 

[nrmatth]

when my dad dies i'll only feel closure if it was painful. ha ha.  two thousand is a lot of money.  would you regret losing that much money just to see him or not seeing him before he dies, more?  i agree with calling and seeing if it's worth your time.  this is really only about your consious since he's obviously made no attempt to ease the tension between you two.  if he's not willing to mend some fences before he goes, maybe a quick call to remind you what other things you could spend that money on is in order.  maybe he could even give you a few suggestions. :)