means to an end

[stevie1time]

I sit here at stupid bloody o'clock,have tried for advice off family and friends,but to no avail...Im just lost...a close friend of mine committed suicide 4 days ago,i was away at work when i had the news(thats another story,why couldnt they wait till i got home)..He was my mate,since we was kids...i hate him,i hate what he has done,he was maried 3 beautifull young kids a wife,loving family,flippin great friends,why,why now.no time is a good time i guess,christmas round the corner,i hate him,over money,over stupid godamn money,did it while his kids was in the house..He was my friend,i hate,but love him,he looked after my kids,we was friends since nursery...His mother has asked me to say some words at the funeral,they are coming to pick me up to go to their house in the morning...I am not going,i am not going to answer the door,i dont think its brave what he's done,i dont think it courage,its a weak way out,he has left everyone hurting except him...Tommorrow i want to wash every memory away and tell everyone that i hope that is there is a hell,because that is where he belongs...over money,thats all...money

[Ice.Maiden]

Calm down, Steve. The way I see it, you've just lost a friend to suicide? Well, that's terrible news, and especially for his family, you and other friends. A friend of mine did it as well - but I certainly never said I hated this person for doing what they did. How could you profess to hate such a good friend? Either your friend was ill with depression, or ill in some other way. What seems a trivial reason to one, could be the end of the world for another. If you loved this person - go to the funeral, and say a few kind words. x.

[HJT40]

Hi Steve, I am sorry that you have lost a close friend in such away. I think that you may be feeling very angry with him, which makes you feel as though you hate him. You don't, you are just angry. Afterall you probably feel that if he had taken the time to talk it could have all been sorted out and why did he not turn to you? Unfortunately, some people aren't able to unburden themselves, especially if they feelthat they have let someone down. Please don't be hard on him, you seem like a very caring person, otherwise you wouldn't feel like this. The anger will subside in time, but please forget that for today and remember him for the person you loved. I hope today goes well and is not too unbearable for you and his other friends and family. My thoughts are with you.

[jane1098]

steve, i have to agree with the others. you are very angry at your friend. you don't hate him. please dont be so hard on him. his family will want you to be at the funeral because you were his closest friend and now they feel closer to you than ever. be there for them. they need you. take care

[bridetobe]

For a person to take their own life, especially leaving behind a family, money is never going to be the only reason. A person has to feel like they've hit rock bottom, like everyone they care for would be better off without them, like there's nothing they can do to make it all better... before they consider ending their own life. You probably don't want to be reading this but you need to understand that your friend wouldn't have done what he did simply over money. It's not about being brave or being strong, when a person attempts suicide it's because the pain they're going through is so bad that they just can't take it anymore. You need to be able to understand why your friend was in so much pain before you can come to terms with and forgive his actions. Hopefully then, the anger you're feeling will subside.

[rabbitdrop]

You have my sympathy. I agree with you. It was a senseless, selfish and stupid thing for him to have done. He may not have done it deliberately. However I do agree with what the others have said. I think you are feeling angry and let down. I think you owe it to yourself to do the right thing and to support his family. My sister died recently. Not through suicide but similar as she consistently made life choices that she knew would lead to that outcome. I read Psalm 139 at her funeral and found that very appropriate. It's difficult for you, but I hope and pray that you will find the right things to do and say.

[REDHEAD24]

yes ur upset , but u are being very small minded the man obviously couldnt see another way out , people who kill themselves - are normally unstable in their mind , it was his only option he felt , yes ur hurting , but ultimatly so was he

[Fieldmouse]

Suicide always triggers a huge wave of emotions in those left behind - grief, disbelief, anger, confusion and also a feeling of guilt that somehow we might have been able to help prevent it had we known what was going on in the individual's mind. I expect by now the funeral is possibly over, but try to understand that his family too are suffering all the same emotions as you are, asking the same questions and not getting any answers either. At times like this you need to try and support each other, even if your emotions are on different wavelengths at any particular time. Just imagine what his children must be suffering at the moment if he killed himself while they were in the house. They will have this image etched on their memories for life, and will be heavily dependend on those close friends and family around them to get through this horrible time. Please try and cast your own emotions aside and be them them, especially in the run-up to Christmas.