Hellish wjhen......

[Drisgirl]

you only get your life in order when something catastrophic blights your cosy existence.
Please all of you appreciate what you had or what you have ............I would have been married to Dave for 28 yrs today and I sooooooo miss him -he was my soul mate (we had 2 ace kids ) and I feel my right arm has been chopped off -and my 2nd husband understands cos he knew him - he really does understand - I soooo miss him.

If anything comes of this post is that life is way toooooo short - think on.........

[caveman69]

Crikey Drisgirl, you surely must be in a minority, not many blokes would understand and put up with it. Don't wanna make light of ya situation but will say, please make the best of what ya'v got not now.
Surely ya'v learnt that ?

[JockSporran]

My deepest condolences through this troubled time. Only time can heal your loss. I wish you the strength to keep going.

[raysparx1]

Hi Dris, Think you have summed it up, we sometimes take each other for granted only with age and living comes wisdom, we should all be greatful for what we have, you were obviously very happy, and it is true what you say we drift along quite happily then, wham, kop that, things were going too well, we get knocked down we get up and deal with it, sometimes it is real hard to do that, you are very lucky in the fact that you had such love and now you are with somebody that understands how you feel, the memories will remain so enjoy teh rest of your life as we should all do, take care, Ray xx

[Drisgirl]

Thanks to you all for your kind words -I was maudling for most of the day so I guess I am still at the 'getting the firsts' over with -like that and christmas then birthday etc.
caveman -my husband 'puts up with it' cos he knows that I am reminded on a daily basis ATM helping our children through it.I miss him because he was always there for me and I often find myself reaching for the phone for help from him.I knew him for all my adult life- we basically grew up together- and he was a constant in my life -I dont think its abnormal to miss someone dreadfully.
I really appreciate now what I have -that was the reason I posted-because I see people who dont -just like I used to be.
Thanks again all x

[Drisgirl]

Thanks Stevie -I was posting when you were.
Youre right - just think its just too raw at the moment but I am really trying to move on and most days I am fine then wham something hits you out the blue and you find yourself welling up and thats when you know that its still bubbling under the surface.Suppose i'm just still fragile -i'm not depressed though -defininately not.I'll get there like everyone else does.
Cheers x

[obNOXious]

Hello Dris lovely.
I'm sorry you're feeling as you are, but it's 100% understandable, and i don't think in any way you are being unfiar or unappreciative of your second, love isn't rationed, we shouldn't suppose that it is. I think it's quite normal to still love people deeply from your past, especially in your scenario.
Life is to be treasured and got on with, but it's still possible and right to remember those from our pasts with the deepest love possible, without it negatively affecting our present, and i think ( I don't know but it's my opinion for what it's worth) that your second must feel more cherished for your obvious care of your first, as it's the greatest compliment imaginable to him, that he IS your second.
All love to you, and I hope you're feeling better.
Nox. xxx

[zebra]

Drisgirl, you menioned "getting over the firsts" but also that you have a second husband. As he knew him, maybe it is extra tough as you both prob miss him and in quite a short time that things have moved on.

[pastafreak]

Oh poor Dris-I really feel for you,tho I have never been in the situation you are in now. As you said-you must get thru the"firsts"....right now it is VERY early days and your emotions are still very new and raw. There are many times from the past that you will want to mark and remember....but one day you will have the sad,almost guilty shock of realising that you have forgotten some notable event that you shared....THIS is when the healing starts. I know it sounds awfull but I guess it is natures way of healing that emptiness. Don't worry about people telling you how you should be feeling....your soul will tell you and time will heal all...best wishes to you

[Drisgirl]

Nox ,zebra and pasta -thank you all for your words of wisdom -everything everyone has said has helped me enormously -it has unblocked the traffic jam in my head.I feel more able to cope as you have all helped - and a semblance of order has descended in my head again.It really does help when people understand your plight and take time out to help xxx

Nox -stranger -nice to cross paths again TY xxx

[Kleiber]

Hi, Drisgirl - if it's any consolation, you're not alone. 2nd December would've been my 19th anniversary, but sadly the lovely Mr K died 2 years ago. Like you, I don't believe I'll ever get over it, but I have our son and some great memories of the man I loved more than anyone. Chin up, lass!! Love, K xxx

[pastafreak]

Drisgirl: this is a comment about something I said to you on this post. I had said that at some point you would have "the sad,guilty shock of realising that you had forgotten " an important event. Well-the other night in the shower I realised that I had forgotten my mums death anniversary....it was the day before you posted. I had a bit of a blub....15 years down the line it is still important. I suppose the healing is a constant 2 steps back/1 step forward. Anyway...I do hope that you are feeling better in yourself-take care V xx