Scary Joke that makes you jump...

[shalzak]

I heard a joke a few years ago that was a long (suspense-filled) tale and the ending made me really jump... just can't remember the ending (or the tale, come to think of it !) Could possibly have been about a missing finger ??  Does anyone know the joke or any others that are funny and scare you at the end as I'm planning to tell a few at my daughters Halloween party... thanks :-)

[Jabba]

I know one along these lines based (I think) on a Stephen King short story. A man wants to give up smoking and a friend recommends an agency which uses rather extreme methods, but guarantees success. For example, they say that if the quitter gains more than a certain amount of weight on quitting, they will cut off one of his wife's fingers. At the end, the would-be quitter asks his friend's wife to pass his car keys and when she does so he sees that she is missing some fingers.

Checking, I see that this is the plot of the segment "Quitters, Inc" of the 1985 film Cat's Eye and that the story of the same name appears in his 1979 collection Night Shift.

[bernardo]

Somebody posted a question in the wrong category.  This provoked so much fury among the other visitors that they rose up in one great Proletarian Mass of Indignation that they went and cut off all his fingers with a scythe.

[tartanwiz]

I know something like this, used at Halloween parties. You tell the audience about how a person stole a finger from a corpse (could have been a saint or a famous person - make it up) as a souvenir or because they believed it would give them great power or bring them great fortune. Then one night as they lay lay alone, a voice came out of the darkness, wailing 'Whooooooooo haaaaaaas myyyyyyy fiiiiingeeeeeeeerrr?' (repeat several times). Remember, it's all in the telling. You have to sound scary. Keep repeating the spooky voice then, when you have really built up an atmosphere, grab somebody and shout 'YOU'VE GOT IT!' Screams ensue.

[martip]

Or get someone to drop a tray of cutlery on the floor as you finish your tale....

[stoo_pid]

There's also the werewolf dream - you spin out a long tale about this dream you had last night where a friend of yours turned into a werewolf and started to chase you through the woods. You tell your audience that the werewolf finally catches up with you & just as it sinks its teeth into your neck you woke up, out of breath & sweating. But the weird thing is there are now two marks on the back of your neck..... you ask the nearest person to you to have a look and as you pull your collar out a little & they get closer you then ROOOAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!! in their face. They wet themselves, everyone else laughs. (Unless they use AB)

[Thomas]

Not scary but funny...  A lady gets married has 5 kids and her husband dies.  She gets remarried and has 6 kids and her husband dies. She gets remairred and has 4 kids then she dies.  A couple of her friends attend her funeral and one says they are finally together. The other says which one are you talking about 1st,2nd or 3rd?  He says im talking about her legs...

[auntiebantie]

I remember one from years ago- story along the lines of a man & woman absolutely devoted to each other - wife takes ill and on her deathbed makes her husband promise to bury her in her wedding ring.  She subsequently dies , buried under the apple tree in the garden & he remarries a nasty, greedy woman.  She somehow learnt that the 1st wife buried outside with epensive ring on finger- digs up the grave & tries to remove the ring, which doesnt come off. She then cuts up the finger. 

One stormy Halloween night a few years later, a knock is heard at the door. Wife no 2 answers door- robed figure in doorway.  Wife 2 asks if the perso would like to come in - then build up into crescendo- robed figure is asked what they want-  no answer to various requests - then wife 2 says where's your finger - answer _ YOU'VE GOT IT!!! 

Always worked for me- hope kids enjoy it!

[shalzak]

Thanks, all, very much for your answers... the jokes will definitely go down well with the audience !!  Can't wait to make them jump ;-)