Should I be honest with my friend?

[AniseedTwist]

A friend of mine recently got engaged to her long-term boyfriend. Although we were pleased to see her happy and settled we weren't really that keen on him and we thought they were quite ill-suited - although we reasoned that opposites attract and that she must see something in him that we don't.

Well, I've just found out that she called off the engagement, although I don't know the details. When I speak to her she's bound to ask me what I thought of him. Do I tell her the truth and say that we had doubts about him all along? Then she might wonder why we didn't say anything before. If I tell her we thought they were badly-suited, this might make her feel a bit better about breaking up with him, but what'll happen if they get back together? She might hate me then!

Maybe I should have told her the truth right at the beginning, but they seemed really happy together and I didn't want to spoil a good thing.

My gut instinct is to keep quiet about what our feelings were about him and say that we thought he was a good guy and it's a shame they broke up, although I don't like lying to her. What do you think?

[tiggerblue10]

What were your doubts about him in the first place?

[muchlovex]

In my opinion you should be totally honest with your friend - she would respect you for your honesty.

[Quoi]

No I definately think you should say anything about your previous instincts because you can only validate your own feelings & not help your friend. How would you feel if they get back together and live happily ever after?

[Quoi]

******You know I meant shouldnt*****

[figure]

I like honesty. Sometimes we see things that others don't. As the saying goes - two heads are better than one. At the end of the day whatever she decides to do would be her choice. If they should get back together and something terrible was to happen between them you would want t kick yourself for not being truthful to her in the beginning.

[China Doll]

A bit raw at the moment. If you were a close friend and had never voiced concerns til now I'd probably bite your head off. Just listen to what she has to say. When she's feeling less raw perhaps just point out some ways they were ill suited... It's not likely she's going to be feeling well shot of him at the moment if she's upset, if you truely feel well shot you're generally not so upset, that takes a little longer I think.

[REDHEAD24]

honesty is always the way forward , say you think they were not that well suited , why on earth wpuld u not be honest???? its over anyway she has seen the light

[AniseedTwist]

Thanks for your answers. There was nothing bad about the guy, they were just really opposites, she's very chatty and warm, and he was very quiet and kept himself to himself a lot. I suppose she's just a lot more fun than he is.

So there were no 'danger signals' or anything like that, he's just not the kind of guy I'd have expected her to go for. But at the time he made her happy so it felt wrong to say that she shouldn't be with him.

[jno]

if you knew he was a mass killer you should have said so at the time, but if you just thought they were a slightly odd match, don't say anything more than that. She won't want to be told that all her friends thought she was an idiot but said nothing. Just say you hoped it would work and are sorry it didn't.

[AniseedTwist]

Thanks, that makes lots of sense, and is the conclusion I've come to too. Think I've blown this out of proportion a bit, and I just need to be sensitive to what she's going through and support her.