For a lady it is simple, walk up behind him, stick your hand down his trousers and grab his dick.
For men it is more complicated, there is a higher risk of arrest, but is there something broadly similar available ? I tried the hand down the back of the trousers in Superdrug (as would anybody !!) but was gently rebuffed and had to buy a diet chocolate bar and �10 of credit to stop them calling the police, but it all ended up happily. I was expecting blissful sexual intercourse behind the sports centre but instead had to go back to work at 2pm unrelieved. I worked it all out at home later, a simple shufti. Any tips ? Anything that you could hope to be helpful ?
Sorry, you lost me at the *had to go back to work at 2pm* bit..... surely not !
OK, hints:-
watch out for spiders (esp under the loo seat variety)
beware of grilled chillies
expect no quarter from Celts
be exceptionally nice to lassies from Splattystreet
accept no imitation Lindtmonsters