Help with toddler?

[Poppy]

I have a two year old little boy (he was 2 in December) and a baby girl who is 4 months old. i had thought that me little boy was adjusting well to his sister's arrival but I realise now that he is jealous (despite genuinely liking her). He's going through a smacking phase which is very difficult to handle and he behaves particularly badly when I'm breastfeeding despite my best efforts to include him- putting on CBeebies, cuddling him, giving him a snack and a cup of milk. He's full of beans and never seems to sit still except at bedtime for stories (doesn't like books during the day for some reason).

The trouble is me. I'm very hassled these days and although I'm overjoyed to have 2 beautiful children I'm finding it difficult to deal with a house which always seems messy and unsafe, I can't leave them alone even for a second, I'm tired etc etc (same as all mums I'm sure). If I lose my temper and shout his behaviour is much worse. How can I expect him to behave like a good 2 year old when his mummy behaves (at times) like a naughty 2 years old. I hate losing my temper and although I've NEVER hurt him I do raise my voice and have REALLY, REALLY shouted once or twice at the end of my tether- eg. if he smacks his sister or me for the 10th time. I'm beating myself up that I've lost my rag with him and feel as though I've spoiled our special bond of trust etc etc. I just want him to be happy (and good!)

any tips to make my life happier or more importantly the life of my lovely little boy? any anger management tips?
Thanks
Poppy x

[aims1202]

You are not alone, i think every mum (and dad) goes through this sort of thing. 2 is a tricky age and especially hard for you as you have a baby too. My advice is really try hard not to shout at him or get cross, i know its hard but when you feel like your going to, take a deep breath and stop yourself, remind yourself to stay calm. Also try to ignore the little things he does that you dont like, he's very young so the best way to get him to behave how you like, is by being calm and positive. Try to notice every little thing he does that you do like and praise him for it. Praise him just for not behaving badly. Reward him for really good behaviour. When you do have time alone, like when baby is asleep make the most of it, forget the house, it really doesnt matter, and give him your full attention, play and have fun. Or even do jobs round the house together, make a big fuss of him and tell him how much you love being with him, how special he is etc. If he hits out just say no calmly and show him how to be gentle, hold his hand to stroke your head and say, gently. I think its normal for a child of his age to be very jealous of a new sibling and it will get better as he gets older. Try to involve him with the baby care as much as you can and let him hold her. Tell him that baby loves him so much. Let him be your baby sometimes if he wants to! When you are feeding give him something to play that will keep his attention for long enough. My son loved an empty toy box filled with water and food colouring which had a funnel, pots, water wheel in. Just covered the floor in a towel and put it in the middle. That way you can watch him and talk while he plays. Or you could put on nursery rhyme cd and sing while he dances. Playdoh is usually a good one. The more attention and time playing with him you give, the more he will play alone happily. Good luck x

[ethanryan]

hi poppy, you are def not alone. i have a 2 year old boy who has finally only just got out of the smacking stage. i have a niece who is two weeks younger and she is going through it to. when he smacks i used to just pick him up and place him on the sofa and just say sit on the settee for a few minutes as smacking is not nice, after a few weeks my son would get off and come to me and say sorry. now all i have to do if he smacks his brother is say, would you like me to sit you on the sofa, or turn the tele off. it works for us anyway.
my 2 boys are only 11 months apart so when the youngest was born the older one was only a baby still, was just crawling around so he wanted my full attention still. luckily he never seemed jealous of him.
my mom used to take the older one out once a week to give him a bit of fuss, then she would have the baby one day a week too so i could have a bit of one to one time with the older one., or even for a few hours. i would let him chose what he wanted top do then and make it his day. either park or swimmig, painting sticking, cooking. this helped us keep that special bond as he looked forward to that day.
just try and be patient it will get easier. have you tried a parent and baby group where he can play with other children and you can mix with other moms.

[amanda bown]

Firstly you have the most important role as mum and also the hardest job to do by keeping control but at the same time being fair and keeping everyone happy. The reality is that i belive it to be impossible to juggle all of those things and that your judgement at the time is more important. We have 3 children uner the age of 4 and have had to deal with similer situations although i do believe that our children go through certain phases and as much as it may seem like a very upsetting time for you and that you may feel the bond between you and your little boy has gone you couldnt be more wrong. You are the one that has to teach your little boy that although you love them both dearly there are things that you have to do as mummy for both of them and with both of them and you have to stay in control of those things and do them regardless of the consequences. My little boy of 19mths had a stage of tantrums and spitting and it really upset me as i have a 8mth old and 3 and a half year old and i instantly blamed myself for his behaviour. The truth is that phases come and go and they soon move on to something else. He's coming of the age that he can do more and understands alot more and he's testing his boundaries. Of course he wants his mums full attention and at the moment by smacking he gets attention all be it the wrong sort but its still attention. I pick my little boy up and take him away to the other end of the room and sit him facing the oppostie direction so he knows that if he chooses to behave like that he will get picked up but moved out of the attention zone and isolated from what he was enjoying, Just an idea but dont feel bad and dont put too much pressure on yourself and a clean safe house. Do the necessities and anything else can be put on the backburner. It has to because your a mum not superwoman!!

[Poppy]

thanks for advice everyone. it is tricky but we're getting there,
poppy x