should I see my grandchild

[Uretta]

My husband and I have a 2 year old grandson. The father is our son, but he has never had anything to do with his child. We get on well with the mother and do see our grandson about 4 times a year - and speak to him on the phone. Our son says we are to have nothing to do with him except through him (and he has only seen him once since he was born for half an hour!) Our son is now threatening us that he will have nothing to do with us and will not let us see any future grandchildren (he is engaged) unless we stop having contact with his ex girlfriend (the mother of the child) and his son. This situation is making me ill. Has anyone any suggestions? We want to continue to see our grandchild and our son, but at the moment he is refusing to speak to us until we stop seeing our grandchild. The problem is also we do not get on with his new fiance which doesnt help matters but she refuses to have anything to do with our daughter.

[Annlinda]

Your son needs to grow up, however from your posting it seems his future wife may be pulling the strings. For what its worth I wouldn't think about abandoning my grandson if my son acted like yours. Its his loss if he refuses to have anything to do with you, as for future grandchildren you have no guarantee that these petty minded individuals wouldn't use them as a lever to get you to dance to their tune all the time. Sorry to be brutal but your son really should take a step back and not be so silly and cruel

[~Wingnut~]

I agree entirely with Annlinda It certainly seems like his new wife to be doesn't like the fact his ex-girlfriend is still involved in his families life. Both your son and his fiance need to grow up as she clearly feels threatened. It is his son and he needs to accept respnsibility, if he has chosen not to it is unfair to expect you, as the grandparents, to do the same.
Maybe try to talk to your son, without her around, and explain that if he doesn't want to see his child then fine, but you will carry on the contact and that he needs to think about what it is he is asking of you. Say to him that to suddenly stop seeing your grandson would feel to you as it would to him if he suddenly stopped having you both in his life, which is what he is threatening to do. Ask him how easy he thinks that would be?

I hope that last bit makes sense!

[Whoever]

I don't think you should bow to this kind of emotional blackmail. I don't want to hurt you but your son does sound a very controlling individual and I think you should tell him that you will not allow him to decide how your are going to live your lives. How will your son know whether you are having any contact with your grandson anyway if you don't tell him, since he has no contact with him himself.? It sounds as if your son's new fiance is possibility manipulating him and she needs to understand that even if she is prepared for her new partner to cast aside all his previous moral responsibilities to his child, you are not prepared to. I wouldn't rush to renew contact with your son whilst he's in this state of mind. He may in time come to understand that in terms of family relationships he is cutting of his nose to spite his face. He needs some time to learn to "grow up". Let him sulk, and get on and congtinue to enjoy your relationship with your grandson.

[slipnot]

Ditto to everyone above. Please remember your grandson is an innocent party in all this - do you think he should grow up to have grandparents one minute, then not the next (now you see them, now you don't). He needs to have stability throughout his life - do your best for him. Sorry, but you're son is old enough to know better - he seems to know you very well and expects to get his own way. If you're not around him for a while, maybe he'll start to appreciate you more! Giving advice is easy when I'm not personally involved, but I am a grandmother and issues like these come up all the time sadly.. there's always another hurdle.... it's when I get to bed I start going over everything in my head....! Enjoy your relationship with grandson and let the rest of them get on with it.

[dot.hawkes]

if the mother is willing to allow you to see your grandson you are very very lucky, your son is very very selfish and you should tell him that you do not want his son yo inherit his selfish ways, and so you are bonding with the boy and that is the end of it.
As for the new woman in his life, if she is not able to communicate and appreciate his framily, she is selish, i bet she drags him to her mum's every sunday whether he likes it or not.

[scorpious123]

your son is old enough to no right from wrong this child is his and he needs to grow up and take a stand with his new partner if she is pulling the strings. I think that a grandmother and father has every right to see there grandchild if they want to and you are very lucky that the mother wants you to stay in contact if this is upsetting your son so be it it his choice and you have made yours keep seeing the little chappie,in time your boy will come round

[Le Chat]

I have nothing else to add except that you must be very ashamed of how your son has turned out.

[badgerchops]

Don't tell him !

He is not going to have any contact with his first child and so you can carefully tell his ex the situation and ask for her discretion.

Dont discuss it with him and do what is in your heart. Your son is controlling the whole family. Dont let it continue but yes you do not want to lose touch with him. Be honest his new fiancee will probably be awkward if they do have children and will control that too. You have this wonderful born grandchild who a mother who sounds great. Dont break contact for your sons sake.

But keep quiet. See the child as he wont know. keep it between your close circle only perhaps

good luck. Dont be intimidated. x

[theonlyone]

You just carry on as normal ,see the grandson , if your son has any feelings for his Mum and Dad he wouldn't be like this to you . I agree this the others that his new girlie wants him all to herself . I would think if they had children in the future you wouldn't get much of a look in .She sounds a real charmer !! Obviously you love both the boys , but you make a plan and stick to it , will be hard , but worth seeing a little one grow up ........ Good Luck x