friend with cancer

[mandimoo2]

ive found out a friend has been given 6 months life expectancy. im going to visit. i know it will be hard. can i be sad or should i stay chirpy. they will know im only doing for their sake. whats the best way to be and what on earth can i say to the family. should i even think about it or just say whatever. if i thought too hard i would go and not be able to say anything. hes only 50 with a lovely wife and teenage child.

[Jillius]

Oh God, how awful. Just be yourself and if he talks about it then you can allow yourself to cry. Tell him and his wife that you will be there for them. Don't be too sad or it might make hime feel worse, though that's easier said than done !
Good luck.

[4getmenot]

That�s very sad news, my boyfriend had cancer and I�ve known others that have had it, but I am always amazed that people think its automatically a death sentence. I am very sad to hear that your story is not such a good one. My boyfriend got through his cancer and everything is ok. I guess with this one its hard to tell. I think you should be yourself but then if yourself is getting upset than maybe not. My friend recently lost a child and I didn�t know how to act and when I saw her I basically came out with it and said �Well how are you in coping with it, do you want to talk about it or not because I�m no mind reader� And she actually wanted to talk about it in fact all day. Sometimes it helps to talk, just ask them how they are and how they are coping and you will find if they are that close a friend they will either tell you to shut up or poor their heart out and then you can go from there with your own feelings, as although you may be hurting its their feelings you should be concerned about. xx

[cruella]

So soory to hear about your friend.
It is a very difficult situation.
My Husband has Cancer and I just hate is someone skirts around it but do not want sympathy either.
Just wait until they bring it up or say how sorry you are. The best thing you can do is offer any help the family may need.
If they want to talk, just be prepared to listen.
I am sure the conversation will go onto something else eventually.
Just assure them you are there for them if they need you.
That will mean a lot to them. A hug would be appreciated too.

[beatlegal2]

be yaself.talk about cancer if the person wants to.but they would i am sure want ya to be who you are

[trionam]

So sad I Iost a friend to cancer last year she was only 27 and had 2 young children,through out her illness I just tried to be myself and we would talk about the cancer when she wanted to, it did help sometimes as cruella said sometimes it can make the person feel worse if you skirt around it.Of course its ok to be sad but at the same time you need to be strong for them.

[GypsyGSD]

I have to agree be your self If the friend wants to talk do so , a lot of ppl skip around or avoid the subject when the person concerned wants to talk to some one , sometimes just being there really helps and is all that is needed GypsyX

[Pesk]

I had a vriend with a cancer and she was given "6 months" but lived for another 18. I visited her often - she was 50 with 2 young teenage children. Always say "what would you like me to do" when offering to help rather than "if there is anything you want me to do etc" I would talk about normal stuff - my kids, my job etc and not be afraid to ask her about her treatment - how it was going, had they changed the chemo etc. She paid me the greatest of compliments when she said she looked forward to me visiting as I was "normal" and didn't skirt around the illness. See your friend as much as you can. Be happy when he is and provide a shoulder for when he's not. His wife might need as much comfort as he does. Have you heard of "cancerbackup"? They are a wonderful charity who work for people with cancer but also support their families and friends.

[T&S]

My mum died of Mesothelioma, a lung tumour caused by asbestos and if I could offer any advice, it would be to try to behave as you normally would. We found the last thing mum wanted was pity or to be treated differently, as difficult as that may be.

[Whoever]

Just try and be yourself and go with flow according to your friend's mood. He's probably still trying to come to terms with the news himself and will probably be suffering violent mood swings between anger, depression, frustration and fear. But if he's a close friend and wants to talk about his death, try and have the courage not to skirt round the issue. It's about coping with his needs and not worrying about your own discomfort dealing with uncomfortable topics. I remember a terminally ill friend saying to me "Everybody wants to help you to live, but nobody seems prepared to help you to die", and sometimes this is what people want and need, in terms of emotional support, helping them to reach the right frame of mind in coping with what's to come.