ChatterBank1 min ago
relationship advice
14 Answers
My friend has the following problem:
She was with this guy for 2.5 years, they were engaged. He lived half an hour away and she did all the travelling as he couldn't drive. He was generally quite sweet but she had some issues with him drinking and spending all his money. She then left him for another guy, who is nearly 10 years older than her, and who has moved back in with his parents following a divorce. Now she's not sure if she should try and get back with her fiance, as she thinks she's made a mistake, but if she did there's a good chance that he'll never forgive her for going off with someone else. The new guy doesn't really have any long-term prospects, but she's quite attached to him too, and isn't sure that she won't regret leaving him either. The ex-fiance keeps texting saying how much he loves her and that he wants her back.
She's not old, but the biological clock is ticking and she wants to be married and settled before too long...what should she do????
She was with this guy for 2.5 years, they were engaged. He lived half an hour away and she did all the travelling as he couldn't drive. He was generally quite sweet but she had some issues with him drinking and spending all his money. She then left him for another guy, who is nearly 10 years older than her, and who has moved back in with his parents following a divorce. Now she's not sure if she should try and get back with her fiance, as she thinks she's made a mistake, but if she did there's a good chance that he'll never forgive her for going off with someone else. The new guy doesn't really have any long-term prospects, but she's quite attached to him too, and isn't sure that she won't regret leaving him either. The ex-fiance keeps texting saying how much he loves her and that he wants her back.
She's not old, but the biological clock is ticking and she wants to be married and settled before too long...what should she do????
Answers
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It is deeply, deeply frustrating to want to help & to be ignored, but If she won't listen, step back & let her get on with it.
If she has stopped listening, if she ever listened, she will come to regard any well meaning attempts to give advice as interfering, or perhaps as sort of attempt to control her.
If she has stopped listening, if she ever listened, she will come to regard any well meaning attempts to give advice as interfering, or perhaps as sort of attempt to control her.
She sounds to be a quite clingy person, she has to remember the problems with why she ended her first relationship, she also needs to stop transferring her clingyness to another bad bet!
she needs some time on her own for a while, being single and learning about yourself is one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself. she needs to stop thinking about babies for now as both men dont sound capable enough of being a good dad
when she has learnt about herself and stops clinging to bad relationships, she will start picking better guys.
she needs some time on her own for a while, being single and learning about yourself is one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself. she needs to stop thinking about babies for now as both men dont sound capable enough of being a good dad
when she has learnt about herself and stops clinging to bad relationships, she will start picking better guys.
She should wait for Mr perfect!!! Never settle for second best!!! Im 30, single, never been married and have no kids and feel my biological clock is ticking (even though i cant have kids) I feel that im gonna be too old to adopt with a partner if i ever find him!! This friend of yours sounds just like me!!! Ive got back with exes thinking they are the ones and should never have left. The truth is when your not with that person you only think of the good things and forget about what it was really like being with that person!!! NEVER settle for second best, ive most certainly learnt that lesson!!
I agree with the replies above. Your friend should take a step back and reconsider. A long-term commitment (and more so bringing a child into the situation) when she's not sure which one she wants is not good at all. Perhaps she would be better with neither of them, start living for herself and starting to enjoy life again; then the right person will spring up in time and that will be it. Too many people marry in haste (or as good as) and repent at their leisure. I did and I regretted it for almost 20 years until l I finally finished it a few years ago; the best thing I ever did. But how much better not to have been stupid enough to get into that situation in the first place. Don't let her throw her life away on a whim. It has to be 'the' one or nothing.
I have been in a similar situation and decided to get rid of them both
I spent time on my own just enjoying being single
It doesn't work settling for anyone as it will only make the person unhappy
Often life as a funny way of working things out
Get out and about with your friend just chatting to people I find it really helped me then you find out more about the person before you commit to a relationship with them
I spent time on my own just enjoying being single
It doesn't work settling for anyone as it will only make the person unhappy
Often life as a funny way of working things out
Get out and about with your friend just chatting to people I find it really helped me then you find out more about the person before you commit to a relationship with them
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