Ex-husband now living with my sister!!

[garythecat]

My ex-husband and I have been apart for 7 years and have a 10 year old son. I have recently discovered that about 12 months ago he started seeing my sister. They are now living together. I am less than amused with the situation. My biggest distress is that of trying to explain things to our son. I have been honest with him and he is aware of my opinion - although I have been careful not to criticise his dad (not easy in the circumstances). He has mixed feelings and avoids talking about the situation. For me personally, I am so distressed about the actions of my sister towards me. The fact that she could conduct a relationship with her, albeit ex, brother in law and the father of her nephew AND hide it from me for nearly a year when we were so close has devastated me. The extended family is torn in two and they seem oblivious. I would just like your views on the situation. My ex tells me that I am mentally ill for having a problem with any of it - I disagree!!!! Any comments?.........

[joannie10]

very difficult for anyone to imagine how you must feel under these circumstances as it is a very awkward position to be in. I know you are just asking for comments as advice would be difficult to give but I would just suggest you live your life to the full and let them get on with it. Of course your son needs to have a relationship with his father so there will always be contact. Just remember you are the better person here - if you are critical in anyway they will just perceive you as being bitter and not having moved on. Remember I am not saying that is the case as I would be very hurt if my sister had done something like that to me. Only you can decide if you want to pursue a relationship with your sister. Good luck.

[4GS]

You are not mentally ill for having a problem with the situation garythecat.
It's not the type of thing that happens every day now is it? and that's for very obvious reasons, that's why your sister and ex tried to hide the relationship from you.

[legend758duo]

sounds straight outta jeremy kyle show.
nothing wrong with being annoyed .

its a bit nasty in my opinion .

[Dassie]

I think "7 years apart" are the key words here. That's a long time and if your ex is compatible with your sister then good luck to them. It's not as if she has "stolen" him from your happy marriage is it?

Your indignation smacks of jealousy to me after all this time.

[blondie123]

I would be absolutely furious if i was in your situation! your sister has betrayed you! and your poor son.... his Auntie is now 'Step-Mum'.!!!!!

[4GS]

And, if they have kids his cousin will also be his half brother/sister
shudders!!!

[Reverandfunk]

Is it illegal?

Is it a free society we live in?

They are adults and they can do what tney like even if it does upset you.

[sense4all]

Yes as stated above it's not illegal etc, however I would not rely on a statement of my mental welfare from the idiot ex who was 'schlepping' my Sister.

[juleejules]

What a difficult situation, but at least you and your son know your sister/his aunt - so perhaps some of the worries other people have when their ex takes up with a new partner you don't have. Though I would have thought your sister should have told you. For me if my ex-husband (I've been apart for the same length of time as you and divorced for 6 years) took up with my sister - best of luck to them both - I don't want to be with him - and if they are happy together so be it! It's just the bit about her not having told you that would really annoy me!

[888sally888]

I truly believe 'what goes around, comes around'.

Keep your dignity, live your life to the full, be the ever wonderful mother to your son.

They are both rather sad and possible mentaly ill themselves!!

Good luck, be strong & keep smiling x

PS My ex went off with my best friend - am now remarried to a lovely man!

[888sally888]

Sorry meant to say - your sister can get many different men throughout her life but you can never be replaced - a big loss for her!

[sandrajo]

This is a horrid situation and they should never have gotten together in the first place, theres an unwritten rule 'you don't go with you friends ex' and that goes double for your sister. They knew they were doing wrong or they wouldn't of hid it from you for so long. Do you normally have a good relationship with your sister?

[China Doll]

I find myself agreeing 100% with Dassie on this one.

[andy-hughes]

This is a tough one, on various levevls.

I do entirely sympathise with your feelings with regard to your sister. I vividly recall a woman i was deeply in love with starting a relationship with my best friend just eleven days after we broke up. I could have accepted (still devastated but accepted) her seeing someone else, but did it have to be someone I was close to - sleeping in a house i knew so well, removing my main source of support?

I know this must be that feeling to the nth degree because this is your sister, and you perceive that she has deceived you.

It won't stop the pain, but consider that she kept thsi situation from you in an attempt to avoid being the cuse of any more hurt for you. Obviously this has failed, but her motives may have been of the best, flawed and illogical though they were. But we are all human, and we do things we think are right, even if it is obvious that we are simply delaying the inevitable, it still feels better than jumping in and causing you grief up front so to speak.

Similarly, we don't choose the person we fall in lovv with. It is easy to say that your sister should have 'kept away', but that wouldn;t have brought you and your ex. back together - and it is easy to take the moral high ground on this aspect of the situation.

As far as your son is concerned, children are very resiliant at this age, he will accept the realities of the situation far more easily than you may think - although he will know you are hurt, even he doesn;t completely understand why.

Try to see this as a situation that has happened, but not one which has been designed and plotted to attack and hurt you. It will take a long time to get used to the new relationships for everyone, but you must try and stay calm for your own well-being, as well as that of your son.

My heart goes out to you.

[yes-doc]

Hi, There are some things you just don't do. and hurting your sister is one of them.
If you and your husband finished with you feeling bitter, it is just going to cause more trouble.
You are certainly not mentally ill, they are emotionally imature for thinking that this sort of situation is acceptable. Your ex- clearly has no empathy, probably why you split I dare say.

I am disappointed for you. your sister should have sort your oppion albeit because there are children involved.

I'm sorry for you.

[lady_p_gold]

I can see why you are upset but if you have been apart for seven years and you no longer want the relationship, then is there such a dreadful harm in the fact that they have got together? Instead of being wrapped up in bitterness and anger, if it was all presented in a loving way then I am sure your son would accept it, children are very flexible in these matters. I noticed on my family tree that my grandfather had married someone and had four children and then she died and he married her sister, they are not blood relatives ..... as long as they are happy could not not let go and give them your blessing ... as someone said she has hardly stolen him away from you and it is hardly surprising they kept it a secret if they knew what the reaction was going to be. Let him go and let it pass and you will be able to be a lot happier. My ex husband had a baby with someone else and it is my children's half sister and we all danced the night away together at my son's wedding recently, and my ex parents in law even took my husband and myself out to dinner. As long as everyone is where they want to be then what is the harm ??

[surferg1rl]

You are not mentally ill for feeling upset/uncomfortable/ disgusted. I know that people cannot decide who to love but there are definite boundaries of where 'not to go'.

They have entered into it knowing that it would be a painful situation for yourself and your son - they are obviously knew that it was wrong as otherwise they would not have hidden it for a year. Perhaps sometimes the thrill of these things is being clandestine - somehow romantic and thrilling knowing that it steps outside the moral lines of what is deemed right and wrong.

You are still being respectful to your husband by not shaming him infront of your son - it is a shame that he cannot afford that same courtesy to you. Your sister... well words escape really - we tend to know our siblings the longest in this lifetime - I think she will regret it. Big time.

[bms]

I also aggre with Dassie. You are not responsible for who your sister must and must not date, regardless of what happened to your marriage/relationship.
Wish them good luck