hi ripley
i hope you are well!! i suffer from depression for over 10yrs, most of the time i am at my lowest, when im sourrounded by people it is really hard to show how i feel deep inside because i dont like letting ppl knowing that i am really down. its really hard but what i normally do is just joke about, laugh and smile when i am around them. when u do it all the time you dont realise that you are feeling low. most of my friends thinks that im a happy cheerful person. what they dont know is that behide the brave smiley face is a really unhappy person. i guess most of the time hide it quite well.
there will be moments where everything goes silence and thats when i think of negative thoughts, what effects it more is when others talk about depression, or have a go at me such as shouting etc, being neglected, ignored or watching a really sad film, or listening to really sad song. i stil cry every night when i go to sleep, i have problems sleeping, i also sometimes cry when im on the bus on my way to work or cominh home, there are times i dont realise that im crying! mayb im just a strange person, im the type who doesnt like seeking help, i dont want to share my probs with anyone but dealing it myself. i cant write down whats troubling me and whats making me sad because if i read it back what i wrote it will make me sadder even more!.... :'(