World's funniest joke

[AngloScot]

What is the world's funniest joke?

[Hippy]

Scientifically proven to be the funniest joke across many languages and cultures, and now brought to you at vast expense for your delectation and titterfaction. Pray silence for the funniest joke ever!

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

I thank you. (Don't giv e up the day job ... don't call us we'll call you, go on get it out of your system ...)

[Jocasta]

Or, What's brown and sticky = a stick....that possibly may translate..

[dml54]

Tuck your blanks into your blanks :>) (makes me laugh every time.)

[Hellion]

1st person. 'Ask me if I'm an orange?' 2nd person. 'Are you an orange?' 1st person. 'No' May not look that funny but I guarantee if you ask someone they will laugh everytime!

[bernardo]

What is the difference between a duck?
One of its legs is both the same!

[colinsvan]

two goldfish in a tank one turns to the other an says 'd'you know how to drive this thing? tah dah! hippy's joke just as funny - JUST.

[wildwood]

How To Get To Heaven. A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "Now, boys and girls, if I keep myself neat and clean, and comb my hair and dress nicely, will I get into heaven?" "No!" the children answered. The teacher asked them, "Well, if I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?" "NO!" the children all answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven then?" Again, the children replied "NO!" "Well," she continued, "Then how can I get to heaven?" In the back of the room, a little boy shouted out, "You gotta be DEAD!"

[Astrobelt]

What's ET short for? 'Cos he only has little legs!

[Chinajan]

According to Eric Morecambe, the funniest joke ever went something like this: Bloke goes to a house and knocks on the door. It's answered by a sobbing woman. Bloke goes, "Is Eric in?" Woman sobs, "Our Eric passed away last night." Bloke pauses, then goes, "Err, did he say anything about some paint?"

[GuavaJellie]

The Pope dies and is trudging up the hill towards the Heavenly Gates when he meets Bill Clinton who is walking down to the other place after being rejected. "Hello" says Clinton "Where are you going? "I'm off to Heaven" answers the Pope "I'm very excited that at last I am going to meet the Virgin Mary". "Too late" says Clinton, walking on.

[meagain]

What do you call a dinosaur with no legs? A megasoreass! (from my 7yr old!)

[meridian1957]

40 New Yorkers show up at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is confused because he's never actually had a New Yorker show up at the Pearly Gates before, so he tells them to wait a minute, he'll check with God. God tells St. Peter, 'Well, pick out the ten most virtuous and let them in'. A couple of minutes later St. Peter comes running back yelling, 'they're gone, they're gone!!' 'What', God says, 'All forty of them?' 'No, no, the Pearly Gates! They're gone!'

[antman]

anyone who heard the joke died laughing, even the writer. translated word by word into german and used as a deadly weapon.destoyed after the war never to be heard again

[si_campbell]

Did you hear about the guy that fell into the cement mixer?

He was a wee hard man!