are secrets ok?

[Tamara5544]

I have been dating a guy for about 6 months and I love him very much. I believe he is the guy that I will marry one day. So is ok to keep secrets from him? See he is somewhat of a judgmental person and there are things in my past that I have done that I don't think he would like very much. Everything I am speaking of occured before I ever I met him. So is ok to never tell him?

[Velvetee]

Well it's your past and we all have one. Most people have done things in their past they aren't proud of, but those things don't mean you are a bad person. No one has the right to judge you, no matter what has occurred in your life.

I personally don't think you are obliged to tell him anything you don't feel comfortable about telling. Just because you are in a relationship, does not mean you have to tell your partner the complete story of your life. Often it's best to keep certain things, which are irrelevant to your current situation, to yourself.

[MrBounty]

Totally agree with Velvetee.

Our past is what makes us who we are today, you shouldnt be ashamed of it.

If there is something you want to tell him, then tell him, but also make clear that he can't judge you because of it.
You are your own person with your own ideas and ideals - if you like and know him so much as you think you will marry him one day, then he can't be too judgemental about things you have done long before you met him.

If there are less serious things you can "practice" telling him, then do it to see him reaction.
If it's bad, then you know what anything more serious will bring.....

Good luck, whatever you decide.

[Octavius]

Unless it is part of who you are now - the part of your life where he has found you/you have found him - or affecting it then I don't see any particular reason for you to tell him if you don't want to.

If it is something that may affect your present situation or something in your potential future together, then there may come a time when you will need to tell him. But until that time and without knowing your secrets, I don't think he really needs to know, especially if he will judge you now on the basis of your past.

[DONNAKEBABUK]

Never give a man your everything.

Katie. x

[Octavius]

Well, not until he buys you a drink and a bag of chips.

[Octavius]

How to make friends and influence people eh.

[raysparx1]

I can see reasons not to and reasons to be honest, but if it is something that is going to maybe come out in the end, could be years later, better to get it out in the open now, as tonyted says, these things can bite your bum years later and if you have maybe told lies about something you better have one hell of a good memory. when I first met my wife, I told her of my past, because i knew she would find out, I had done things, bad things, but I wanted a clean break, she trusted me and now, nobody can tell her anything about my past that she doesn't know about, it is a lovely feeling, think about it, if it will affect you later, be honest now, good luck, Ray

[DONNAKEBABUK]

Tamara.

Would you care to share what it is that you think you have done that is so bad, that way I am sure we can advise you better.

If say you have been disloyal once or twice in your life, then should that be something to worry about ?

if say you have a criminal record, then is that so bad either? like you say, it is the past and what counts is the future. It sure depends on what it is................ if I found out someone was a child abuser , cruelty etc, then I WOULD dump them. If however, their criminal record was for say driving offences, minor offences, even cloned credit cards, then I wouldnt, I would simply appreciate their honesty.

If it was something bad that had happened to me, then I would be honest but not in a way that would put him on the spot .........................

There are many people in life who make judgements of others without having been in that situation themselves.

We have all made mistakes in the past and we will in the future however, what I firmly beleive is that there are no mistakes, simply lessons, and boy have I learned a few lessons in my time.

Take Care.

katie. x

[Myriad2112]

Are we talking about anal sex?

[Tamara5544]

Katie,
It was just that I was involved with someone that I shouldn't have been involved with. I met the guy Im with now through a mutual friend of ours. He heard about me being involved with this person but when he asked me about it, I denied it. I know i should have come clean then but I couldn't. I want to just forget about it myself. And now I just don't feel I can tell him.