How do you tell someone discreetly that they

[4GS]

Have a drink problem? You know me, I'm about as discreet as a slap in the face, but we have someone staying with us who gets up 1st thing in the morning and has a glass of wine, she says it's to take away the headache. When she's at home as soon as she gets in from work she's at the wine again, and guzzles the stuff till she goes to bed. She even hid bottles of alcopops in her teenage sons bedroom so that her husband wouldn't find them and blame her for having them. In my mind she's not an alcoholic, but she is alcohol dependent. Any advice gratefully recieved TIA

[4getmenot]

Hello 4gs I myself would have said she is and needs help. basically just tell her if you are a good enough friend she'll understand that you just care about her welfare

[Kim A]

I'm not sure that discretion is required here, your guest has what appears to be a serious problem. I'm sure there must be an underlying reason for the level of drinking - perhaps it might help her if you try to tackle that first, rather than going in straight away with the 'I think you're a lush' approach. However, you have to be prepared for a rebuff, a fight, a loss of friendship and a big struggle whilst you try to help her. She first has to admit that she has a problem and that will be the most difficult thing. Good on you, though, for recognising a friend in need and for wanting to help.

[redcrx]

morning 4GS!

As she is your guest have you tried to prevent her getting access to alcohol in the house? Not sure if itd slow her down a bit but it may help you make her realise just how dependant she is?

[Gromit]

Hello 4GS

I have had two female friends who I saw literally drink themselves to death. It was not nice. No amount of pleading and reasoning worked. It does not sound like your friend has reached that stage of dependancy, and I hope you can get her to see sense.

On the other hand, I also know people who are alcohol depend and have been for many years. They are still able to function and do jobs. The long term affects on their health may not be good, but they seem happy enough, so who am I to interfere? Similar to having friends who smoke, and I wish they didn't, but it is their choice.

[raysparx1]

Sorry to say it john, but untill she realises she has a problem nothing you say or do will make her realise that it is a problem, she will say she just enjoys a drink and can stop whenever she wants, yea right course she can, she is well on the way to becoming an alcholic if not one already, i know what I am talking about on this subject as I have lived through it with my dad. once they start hiding bottles around the house then it really is a big problem, this is not just liking a drink. Ray

[Champagne]

She doesn't sound like an alcoholic to me.

Doctors say that it's healthy to consume 1-2 bottles of wine per day. I've been livng by that philosophy for years and I'm not an alcoholic. Seriously, I don't have a drink problem. I can handle it.

*HIC* Pardon me.

[Androcles]

I agree with the others - if they start hiding bottles they ARE an alcoholic - they are so crafty that there are probably a lot more bottles hidden and being used than you know.

Sadly, however much you want to help, you can do nothing until the person recognises that they have a problem and want to do something about it. We have been through this so many times with a close relative, numerous suicide attempts (mostly half-hearted), periods in rehab, etc etc.

You can draw their attention to it, but we have found it just makes behaviour even more crafty, driving the drinking underground. Even in rehab where they were away from the world they were breathalised every day. In one hospital they used to get bottles of lemonade, tip some away, fill up with Vodka (heaven only knows where they got it from) and then use a dab of instant glue on the cap so that when the staff tested the seal, it felt as if it was intact

Sorry to be pessimistic - but it is better to be ready for this - if you do get a chance to help, it is better to do it being realistic and knowing what you are likely to be up against.

[Bathsheba]

Hi 4GS. All I can do is echo what others have said- nothing can be done until she admits herself that she has a problem.
Alcoholic/alcohol- dependant- they're just labels- the fact is that if she's drinking first thing in the morning to feel normal, and hiding it- she's heading for trouble.
I speak from experience- got the tee shirt.
I wish her good luck, and I hope she comes to her senses soon x